Guests taking food home

[LakeFlyPie]

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

I agree that it is generally very rude to take back something you brought without it being offered.
However in some circumstances I can see why a guest might be tempted to take something back. For example you bring a cake or perishable food item which has not been offered or served. If I took a Christmas cake that had not been cut, I’d feel pretty peeved and might decide to take it home.
I sometimes feel a bit frustrated when wine or champagne I have brought to help celebrate an event has not been opened, it’s as if the hosts think their booze is better than the one I’ve bought. But I also realise that for many people they see a bottle as a gift to the host rather than a contribution to the meal/event.

I think that's it, that they consider it a gift. If hosting I will try and provide everything, wine to match the food etc. Other drinks people bring wouldn't have been factored into my plan.

I think young people today are much more attuned to the main issue here - food waste.

In my rather young group of friends we regularly have meetings in peoples houses where we all bring a dish. We also bring alcohol / chocolates - these either get drunk or eaten at the time, or stay with the host. Any uneaten food is taken back by the person who brought it.

The host doesn’t want to be eating up leftovers for days on end - who does? It’s boring, risks food poisoning, and party food is generally more rich than you would want to eat on a daily basis.

This wouldn’t bother me at all.

Id rather people take home their leftovers, because I’m definitely not eating it.

They can take their food, their plates, etc back home.

I’d consider a gift a bottle of drink or flowers that were personally handed to me. Not food.

Weird place the internet.

I agree OP. I think it is rude.

We hosted 15 on Christmas Day. A family member bought a homemade Yule log, another bought a pavalova.

I bloody love puddings but was so busy hosting that I didn't have any and was hoping to have some later.

They took them both away with them. FFS!

The only thing I found acceptable was that my mum made a huge Christmas cake and bought it along. People helped themselves when we had tea and she took half of what was left away with her. That felt different- it was huge, we would never have finished it and she will eat it and give some to friends over the next few days.

Rude for them to do it uninvited, as you say, a gift is a gift. I would never do that as a guest. That said, as a host, I would never dream of not offering people their leftovers, so maybe they thought you were rude not offering?

Depends what it is and agreement at time. Sometimes host doesn’t feel able to use up all the left overs and will urge giver to take back. But if that’s not the situation I think a bit rude and uptight to just pack all up and journey it back. As though it’s some kind of loan

I wish people took their contributions home with them. I end up with loads of food that's not to my taste - or theirs either presumably or they would have eaten it on the day!

My family talk about what to do with leftovers, then decide what's staying and what people will take with them. For my family it's about not wasting it and who will
enjoy it the most!!

I just assumed this is what everyone does?

Very rude when not everyone has been served. I actually would have told her to wait till everyone was served

While it's obviously good manners to offer various leftovers to guests on leaving, It's absolutely very rude to just decide to take home consumables that you've gifted to an occasion. It's not a sale or return thing, bringing food and drink is a thank you to the host for their time and effort.

How stingy of you. Doesn't your sister deserve the rest of the cake and gin as a thank-you for hosting?

@FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall - are you offering leftovers in those circumstances?

Taking back biscuits or chocolates would be rude I think.

But half a quiche? Or other half consumed meals?

I am not sure anyone else would want that sort of leftover really, that's hardly a gift for the host.

It happened to us one Christmas when we invited people over for a meal and they brought lovely looking cakes as dessert. When they'd gone and we decided we'd have one with a cup of tea as we hadn't actually had the cakes ourselves with the meal, we found the box containing them had disappeared, along with its contents. We thought it very rude (they'd been put away in the fridge, too, so the guests had had to go into our fridge to find them) and were quite shocked at first, but put it down to possibly being a difference in country's customs, as unlike us, the guests were from the Antipodes. Now I see this is also seen as normal by some in Europe, too! You live and learn!

I honestly wouldn't care if people took their leftovers back, it wouldn't occur to me.
Whether asked to or did it uninvited.
People really do get bothered by the strangest things!

*countries' customs. When will there be an edit button?!

I wouldn't do it. If I made a cake to take I wouldn't dream of bringing the rest home.

We always take stuff to add to the table and if it isn't eaten then we leave it for the hosts, it's just common courtesy. I do have a good friend that will insist we bring anything unopened home with us but its always a tussle at the door at the end of the night.

I'd never be hosting them again.

Again, think food waste. It depends on the sort of cake - Christmas cake lasts for months and if she likes it, I’d leave it for her. A cream cake when there is one of her, unless she has some form of disordered eating is definitely going to be wasted. Most people with a healthy, balanced diet wouldn’t want to have to eat half a big cream cake by themselves.

That is so rude, I wouldn’t dream of taking anything back, even if the host, said too. Very poor manners, I consider anything I bought as a contribution to the host.

I took some luxury food gifts (fortnum & mason) along at christmas.
I was quite offended when the host didn't eat them (had the tesco ones instead) - then insisted I took the F&M stuff home with me.

YANBU It’s a contribution to help out and the host should keep any leftovers unless they offer them back.

@FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall but then it’s up to the host to say please take this home as we won’t eat it.

We had friends staying over in the summer for a few days and they bought with them a bottle of spirits. Drank various drinks throughout their stay (our drinks, but hey they’re our friends and guests) but on leaving, they went to the fridge and got their bottle out to take home with them. Never known it before or since.