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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests taking food home

379 replies

LakeFlyPie · 29/12/2022 07:43

We've hosted some friends and family gatherings over Christmas and on a couple of occasions guests kindly offered to bring food (home baked cake, biscuits etc).
I was a bit shocked when, on leaving, they packaged up leftovers (of their contribution) and took it home (uninvited). When I take food / drink to a party I consider it a gift / contribution and would dream of reclaiming it at the end of the evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
RedStef1983 · 30/12/2022 17:52

I would, but I’d ask first

QueenoftheFarts · 30/12/2022 17:55

I've never had people just take stuff, but I do force leftovers on them. Everyone I've hosted over the festive season has left the house laden with cake, cheese, wine, chocolates etc... my husband and I are chunky enough without feeling obliged to polish off leftover quiche and gateaux!

starsparkle08 · 30/12/2022 17:57

I agree I think it rude of them however as the host I’d be glad in some ways not to be overloaded with food

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/12/2022 17:58

demotedreally · 29/12/2022 07:46

I'm fine with this, we do it or don't do it depending what it is.

I'm staying at my sister's at the moment. I will bring home the rest of the cake I made, remainder of the half drunk bottle of gin I brought but not the wine, if it didn't all get drunk.

Really? You’d take home half a cake? And half a bottle? How miserly!

Jack80 · 30/12/2022 18:00

I would ask people if the wanted to take anything home so they don’t look rude taking it. I went to a friends and took a bottle to drink and crisps and I drank it. I also brought sweets for their child.

Aly1977 · 30/12/2022 18:00

Nope no way never without someone saying ‘oh do you want to take some leftovers!’ I’d not dream of simply taking it.

Athenen0ctua · 30/12/2022 18:02

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/12/2022 17:58

Really? You’d take home half a cake? And half a bottle? How miserly!

Show quote history

This poster clarified not long after that their sister would not want the things left. Leaving behind large amounts of food and drink that the host is not likely to want to eat is a burden and a waste.

Zax · 30/12/2022 18:04

@LakeFlyPie Next time take some special cake with laxatives in it. Then just as the usual suspects are leaving give it to them as a gift. Bet they'll never do it again. 😃

Etinoxaurus · 30/12/2022 18:04

Swimminginthelake · 29/12/2022 22:50

We live overseas and it's very normal here for people to take home what they bought to your house, including bottles of wine! I was quite shocked at first but I'm used to it now and I no longer expect to make a wine profit if we're hosting 😆

Scandinavia or Netherlands?

Hmm1234 · 30/12/2022 18:08

Lol! In some cultures this is completely normal. I’ve even seen people do it at funerals. If there is plenty of left over food I don’t see the problem. Did you plan to eat all the leftovers..

Mulhollandmagoo · 30/12/2022 18:11

It probably is a little rude, is it? I don't know, I don't think I'd mind, but when there are a lot of leftovers, I try and send food away with guests - I hate food going to waste!

custardcreme77 · 30/12/2022 18:11

Footgoose · 29/12/2022 08:41

we have 2 friends that take everything away , drink left over pud, etc after even a normal dinner party . So if they bring 2 bottles of wine but only our wine gets opened they take there’s back out of the fridge and home along with the half eaten pud / ice cream etc .
first time it happened I laughed but the second time I was really cross as 4 bottles of our own champagne and wine got opened and all I had left was the 2 they brought . Then they took them !

Next time they come round with wine etc, make sure you open their bottles first …and dish out large portions of the ice cream / pudding they’ve brought! Cheeky devils they are.

elephantsbreafh · 30/12/2022 18:12

I was dating someone once a while back. He came round to watch a movie and brought a share size bag of crisps. We ate about half of them. At the end of the night he took the half eaten bag of crisps with him…

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/12/2022 18:14

I think food,drink you take to someone is a gift that you leave the host. Not to be taken away
Bit bemused that people take away the remaining food,drink that they brought
When I host I do give guests surplus food to takeaway eg cakes,bread etc

BellePeppa · 30/12/2022 18:15

My family do this. Some things they leave (mince pies etc) but other stuff they take (if they brought). I don’t have a problem with it as I don’t see it as belonging to me.

thirdfiddle · 30/12/2022 18:16

I'd take home any containers, because being left with other people's containers to wash up and keep track of and return is a PITA.

I'd try to offload the contents of said containers onto a plate or something to leave if I conveniently can. Usually what happens is if a lot's left over it gets divvied up and everyone takes home a bit of different things to what they brought.

Drinks or anything that comes with its own container I'd leave.

guffaux · 30/12/2022 18:16

This happened to us- relatives came for New Years Eve supper- several bottles of champagne , three lavish courses plus snacks, plus a little first footing gift for when they went home ( basket with whisky, salt,bread, a pound coin in a purse, and a lump of coal)
they brought two bottle of unchilled wine which didnt get used, so they nabbed back on the way out-
the following year it was their 'turn' to host.... crickets....no invitation, but a hint they would like to come to us again, we stood firm and ignored the hint, when we saw them in the following January they bemoaned at being alone on NYE and having no celebration-
reap what you sow my dears! we'd had a great time lol

BustyLaRoux · 30/12/2022 18:17

I wouldn’t take anything home with me unless the host insisted.

On another note many years ago we did host a party and one of our friends actually came back the next day and asked if he could have his 4 pack of fosters back! I gave it to him (we don’t drink fosters) but when he asked for his quarter of a bottle of rum I said it had been drunk. (It hadn’t!)

Papershade5 · 30/12/2022 18:17

What culture out of interest? Just wondering about my own recent funeral experience

Charlize43 · 30/12/2022 18:19

Yes, this is very bad form.

I would only excuse it if the people involved are known to be cash strapped. I was recently mortified when I attended an event with an artist friend of mine and she proceeded to fill a large tote style handbag with sandwiches and quiches from the buffet wrapped in napkins ('for later, when I'm hungry'). She probably took enough for several days or to feed about 4 people... I couldn't help but laugh when we arrived back at her home and she also pulled out of her bag, an unopened bottle of white wine. Shameless, really.

NoNameNowAgain · 30/12/2022 18:19

I think it’s normal if it’s a very large party with lots of different puddings brought by guests, or different salads at a barbecue. It would be fairly overwhelming if most people didn’t take their stuff home. Returning the containers would also be a pain.

CBG34 · 30/12/2022 18:22

I personally prefer when guests take some food at the end of a party as it saves me and my waist line..! 😂

In particular, my MIL is a prolific baker and always seems to bake for 10x the number of guests we have, so I always make a point of sending her home with the excess treats as it's always full of dairy and DH is lactose intolerant, so I have no intention of finishing an entire tray bake of brownies and a cheesecake by myself..! I guess it's different for everyone, but in our house guests are strongly encouraged to help dispose of any remaining food to spread the love (and calories!)

JT12 · 30/12/2022 18:27

I don’t find it rude really. If it’s a shared meal where everyone brings food on nice serving plates they can take the plates home with them. Never alcohol though. That is a gift to be left with the hosts.
I don’t want loads of food left behind. I rarely do pot luck gatherings but it is relatively common where I live. People are neither mean nor stingy, they would be very happy to offer to pay for lunch, host dinner parties and provide all the food and drink, but at a gathering where people pitch in to bring a shared dish they will often take their food and leftovers home. I honestly think it’s to save the hosts having a load of uneaten food and washing up to deal with.
It may just be misunderstanding with different customs.

Wiluli · 30/12/2022 18:29

That’s just plain rude ! I would never dream of doing that and 100% those that do it lacks good manners

LynneBenfield · 30/12/2022 18:31

Rude to ask the host to return gifted items at the end of the evening. However, not rude to take them home if the host offers them first or if the leftovers are going to be thrown away and the guest is close enough to the family to ask them to do a doggy bag.

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