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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenagers outfits!!!

303 replies

Gabzz212 · 28/12/2022 18:15

So am I being unreasonable to be sick to the back teeth of my 14 year old outfit choices now. Just spoke to her after she has been to town with her friend to buy 'an outfit'. Asked her please buy something appropriate for the weather she also knows I don't like stuff too revealing anyways she has been and bought some £30 nike pro shorts and a hoodie. I'm pissed. I was supposed to take her trusted her on her own and this is what she buys? All the time we are arguing over her outfits she wears sports bras as tops and always has tiny short, tiny crop tops on and big lashes. I'm sick of it I feel like she has no respect for herself and really don't understand why she always wants to have so much on show. I think she's too young and it also sends out the wrong message. My stepfather actually said to my mum after we had been for a visit last week that he didn't even feel like speaking to her as he didn't know wear to look and felt quite uncomfortable. I try and explain its not good to dress this way all the time but get nowhere. AIBU to feel quite upset and stressed over this situation?

OP posts:
refuge123 · 28/12/2022 19:14

I think you should buy her clothes for her from now on but give her a choice. Like which jumper in this price range etc and you buy it

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:14

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:13

@ClaretBarret

Sure, but... there was no mention of the OP's DD's body parts "falling out", was there? Unless I missed that. So how is a crop top comparable to a testicle falling out? Confused

There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

Never said it was, the poster I directed that comment to claimed it’s all just body parts, what’s the big deal.

Hence the question around the pants, since it’s all just body parts

You might want to start reading the context behind posts

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:14

PublicTransport · 28/12/2022 19:12

Yeah totally the same thing as shorts and a jumper 🙄 You must lose your mind at the pool/beach

Don't be stupid - it's a time and a place. I'm sure you'd be fine with the maths teacher / GP/ plumber turning up in a hoodie and revealing shorts. Or your DP's co-worker at the coffee machine in the same. Or ninety year old men in the supermarket in little shorts and string vest. I'd guess that you'd be pretty uncomfortable if you came round to mine for coffee and my DP walked in in his running shorts and singlet and tried to make polite conversation. Of course we know you wouldn't. But like me you'd be fine on the beach, in the gym, at the running club or the sauna.

Assumptions have also been made about the other poster who mentioned being uncomfortable. No room for deviation from the Only Allowable View. Surely we we are ancient prudish anti-feminist creepy people - and so to be dismissed completely.

Anyway - I'm off to the gym - better be careful not to lose my mind!

I wouldn’t care, you call me stupid (unnecessary by the way) then can’t read, enjoy the gym! Try and work off some repression.

FlickyCrumble · 28/12/2022 19:15

I teach 16 year olds at college. All the girls wear flip flops, painted on trousers and hoodies. The hoodies are tuck up to look like crop tops.

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:15

@ClaretBarret

😂 ok. Soz.

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:15

refuge123 · 28/12/2022 19:14

I think you should buy her clothes for her from now on but give her a choice. Like which jumper in this price range etc and you buy it

My daughter would say "the cropped one".

Then what? Say no?

ssd · 28/12/2022 19:16

refuge123 · 28/12/2022 19:14

I think you should buy her clothes for her from now on but give her a choice. Like which jumper in this price range etc and you buy it

Yeah that'll go down well

sageandrosemary · 28/12/2022 19:16

Step-father sounds vile. If anybody is sexualising a 14 yo, they are the problem, not her, no matter what she's wearing - end of story.

As for the cold, everybody has different tolerances and she'll adjust as and when she wants, I'm sure.

Spiderboy · 28/12/2022 19:16

Having this arguement will only mean she puts those outfits on under baggy joggers and hoodies that she whips off as soon as she leaves the house. Literally any kid I know 12+ seem to be wearing the Nike shorts at the moment, she isn’t alone. Just leave here to figure this all out herself, give your opinion when it’s asked. I really don’t see how wearing shorts is sending out the wrong message.

as for your step father, he should be old enough to know how to look at a girl or a woman without being a perve. Fucking hell

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:16

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:14

Never said it was, the poster I directed that comment to claimed it’s all just body parts, what’s the big deal.

Hence the question around the pants, since it’s all just body parts

You might want to start reading the context behind posts

Show quote history

Not ‘claiming’ as such, more ‘feel’

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:18

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:13

Depends how much is on show.

A large chested person in a small crop top will be essentially showing as much as walking around in their underwear.

You’re the one who brought the own home argument into this, wrongly.

Show quote history

I may have read it wrong, but that doesn't mean my argument is wrong.

It doesn't matter how big someone's boobs are - a crop top is outerwear. Underpants are not.

Whatthefuck3456 · 28/12/2022 19:18

I agree with you OP. And as for her step father how embarrassing are MN, the man felt uncomfortable as a child is wearing next to nothing, but if he was to look at her for a second longer than normal he would be getting called a called all sorts, and MN would be saying keep him away from your daughter! This behaviour of u can wear what u want!! I would be disappointed too if my daughter chose to dress inappropriate too! Talk to you DD

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:19

refuge123 · 28/12/2022 19:14

I think you should buy her clothes for her from now on but give her a choice. Like which jumper in this price range etc and you buy it

She's not four years old anymore.

Autumndays123 · 28/12/2022 19:20

I can categorically say I have never ever felt uncomfortable speaking to a child wearing little clothing. Probably because I do view children as sexual beings. Your step-dad sounds quite disgusting, why is he even thinking about your daughter in this way? And you think she is the problem?

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:20

Whatthefuck3456 · 28/12/2022 19:18

I agree with you OP. And as for her step father how embarrassing are MN, the man felt uncomfortable as a child is wearing next to nothing, but if he was to look at her for a second longer than normal he would be getting called a called all sorts, and MN would be saying keep him away from your daughter! This behaviour of u can wear what u want!! I would be disappointed too if my daughter chose to dress inappropriate too! Talk to you DD

This is gibberish

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:20

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:18

I may have read it wrong, but that doesn't mean my argument is wrong.

It doesn't matter how big someone's boobs are - a crop top is outerwear. Underpants are not.

Show quote history

You did read it wrong, and formed a weird argument based off your inability to read.

There are many bras that cover more than a small crop top, especially with a larger chest. so it can very easily make someone uncomfortable, male or female.

Autumndays123 · 28/12/2022 19:20

Don't view* massive typo

mbosnz · 28/12/2022 19:21

I'd be talking to the adult male, who should know where to put his eyes, and 'not notice' something that makes him uncomfortable. I'm sure he can do that with his female work colleagues, and their daughters.

MilkyYay · 28/12/2022 19:21

Its not that awful. Tbh though at 14 you know you can just say no?

My mum simply didn't let me out of the house dressed like that. End of. It didn't kill me, and as an adult i appreciate the boundaries that were set.

At 14 they are still reliant on you for money, food etc. Just say no.

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:21

I can categorically say I have never ever felt uncomfortable speaking to a child wearing little clothing

Me neither

leithreas · 28/12/2022 19:21

My 13 year old went shopping today with some of her Xmas money and bought combats and crop tops. I just leave her to it. She's finding herself and that's how it should be. I'm not in the UK and fortunately the Nike shorts trend doesn't seem to hit for teens here(yet!), it's all joggers, combats and crop tops.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:21

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:20

You did read it wrong, and formed a weird argument based off your inability to read.

There are many bras that cover more than a small crop top, especially with a larger chest. so it can very easily make someone uncomfortable, male or female.

Show quote history

It's not the 14yo's fault that normal clothes make some people uncomfortable.

Her step dad needs to get a bloody grip and stop sexualising her.

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:22

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:20

You did read it wrong, and formed a weird argument based off your inability to read.

There are many bras that cover more than a small crop top, especially with a larger chest. so it can very easily make someone uncomfortable, male or female.

Show quote history

You really do need to look into why it’s make you uncomfortable.

Duchess379 · 28/12/2022 19:22

What did you wear as a teenager?! A furry onesie all the time?! 🙄

LisaD1 · 28/12/2022 19:22

This is normal for many teens. Mine is 15 and is currently wearing the Nike pro shorts and a juicy hoody, fake tan, fake nails and fake lashes. She’s also just grabbed the heated blanket and snuggled up to watch a movie. I’d have much more issue with your step dad than your daughter. They’re finding they’re way and they’re own style, you will push her away if you carry on this battle.