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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenagers outfits!!!

303 replies

Gabzz212 · 28/12/2022 18:15

So am I being unreasonable to be sick to the back teeth of my 14 year old outfit choices now. Just spoke to her after she has been to town with her friend to buy 'an outfit'. Asked her please buy something appropriate for the weather she also knows I don't like stuff too revealing anyways she has been and bought some £30 nike pro shorts and a hoodie. I'm pissed. I was supposed to take her trusted her on her own and this is what she buys? All the time we are arguing over her outfits she wears sports bras as tops and always has tiny short, tiny crop tops on and big lashes. I'm sick of it I feel like she has no respect for herself and really don't understand why she always wants to have so much on show. I think she's too young and it also sends out the wrong message. My stepfather actually said to my mum after we had been for a visit last week that he didn't even feel like speaking to her as he didn't know wear to look and felt quite uncomfortable. I try and explain its not good to dress this way all the time but get nowhere. AIBU to feel quite upset and stressed over this situation?

OP posts:
Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:03

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 18:59

The op has made it clear those comments are in reference to her crop tops. Not the hoodies

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Oh heaven forfend a crop top! Well THAT changes everything 🙄

SinnerBoy · 28/12/2022 19:04

CoffeeWithCheese · Today 18:58

The fact that I rarely if ever wear a coat (even in this weather) I put down to the years of experience I had going out clubbing in the NE winter in very very little.

Ha ha! My DW comes from a country with extremely cold winters. The first year we were married, she was utterly shocked, when we drove through town, in six inches of snow and seeing what the women were wearing.

In her home country, people get hammered on spirits and pass out in the snow, in -30°. Passers by drag them into the nearest apartment block, or shop. I was surprised to be co-opted into that, a couple of times.

user1487194234 · 28/12/2022 19:04

Sounds standard teen wear
And why should they dress to suit anyone else

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:04

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:03

Oh heaven forfend a crop top! Well THAT changes everything 🙄

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Well it does, a hoodie shows nothing so would be a bit silly to comment, a crop top, depending on how it fits can be very revealing, something many people are uncomfortable around.

Grassisbluer · 28/12/2022 19:05

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 18:52

Yeah totally the same thing as shorts and a jumper 🙄 You must lose your mind at the pool/beach.

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I'm guessing she was wearing one of the tiny revealing crop tops the OP spoke about, and not her hoody on that occasion...
I agree that stepdad is not (necessarily) vile. I'd fine it awkward to have a normal conversation with my teen/young adult nephews - or indeed anyone - if they were wearing very little, and I know I'm not a pervert. As a pp said it's about wearing attire appropriate to the occasion. It's okay to be scantily dressed at the pool etc.

dworky · 28/12/2022 19:05

You soud very misogynist, equating clothes with self-respect.
You might not like it but it's what she wants to wear &, as others have said, it's a fight not worth having with a teenager.

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:05

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:04

Well it does, a hoodie shows nothing so would be a bit silly to comment, a crop top, depending on how it fits can be very revealing, something many people are uncomfortable around.

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Then they need to pull themselves together, so grim.

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:06

Grassisbluer · 28/12/2022 19:05

I'm guessing she was wearing one of the tiny revealing crop tops the OP spoke about, and not her hoody on that occasion...
I agree that stepdad is not (necessarily) vile. I'd fine it awkward to have a normal conversation with my teen/young adult nephews - or indeed anyone - if they were wearing very little, and I know I'm not a pervert. As a pp said it's about wearing attire appropriate to the occasion. It's okay to be scantily dressed at the pool etc.

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I don’t think you are a pervert, just unnecessarily hung up on the human body.

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:06

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:05

Then they need to pull themselves together, so grim.

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youd be fine with your father in law walking around your house in just his pants? Maybe with the odd testicle falling out as he walks down the stairs?

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:07

youd be fine with your father in law walking around your house in just his pants? Maybe with the odd testicle falling out as he walks down the stairs?

😂

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:08

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:06

youd be fine with your father in law walking around your house in just his pants? Maybe with the odd testicle falling out as he walks down the stairs?

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Ha! I wouldn’t give a damn but then I’ve been with a friend to a naturist centre, you should give it a whirl.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:08

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:04

Well it does, a hoodie shows nothing so would be a bit silly to comment, a crop top, depending on how it fits can be very revealing, something many people are uncomfortable around.

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Blimey. If a crop top makes you feel uncomfortable, I assume you never go out in summer, go to the beach, sit in a park, go swimming or go to a gym? There are crop tops galore there Wink

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:08

How have we moved from teenage girls' crop tops to testicles falling out? Confused

TrentCrimm · 28/12/2022 19:09

A FIL walking around in pants is not a child being sexualised.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:09

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:06

youd be fine with your father in law walking around your house in just his pants? Maybe with the odd testicle falling out as he walks down the stairs?

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OP's daughter is in her own home. It's totally acceptable to wear shorts and a hoody in your own home, FFS.

And if my FIL wanted to wander around in his pants in his own house, that would be his right, of course.

purpledalmation · 28/12/2022 19:09

Id concentrate more on building her self esteem, teaching her how to spot red flags and talking about modern feminism and the patriarchal society.

Years ago DD wore doc martens and calf length school skirts, and I was disgusted and wanted more feminine clothes. DD was right

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:09

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:08

How have we moved from teenage girls' crop tops to testicles falling out? Confused

🤭

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:10

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:08

How have we moved from teenage girls' crop tops to testicles falling out? Confused

Because it’s just body parts. That’s what that poster was clinging to

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:11

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:09

OP's daughter is in her own home. It's totally acceptable to wear shorts and a hoody in your own home, FFS.

And if my FIL wanted to wander around in his pants in his own house, that would be his right, of course.

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Of course, but it’s not the hoodie that was the issue, and she had visited the stepfather in his home.

Do you usually struggle so much reading?

PublicTransport · 28/12/2022 19:12

Yeah totally the same thing as shorts and a jumper 🙄 You must lose your mind at the pool/beach

Don't be stupid - it's a time and a place. I'm sure you'd be fine with the maths teacher / GP/ plumber turning up in a hoodie and revealing shorts. Or your DP's co-worker at the coffee machine in the same. Or ninety year old men in the supermarket in little shorts and string vest. I'd guess that you'd be pretty uncomfortable if you came round to mine for coffee and my DP walked in in his running shorts and singlet and tried to make polite conversation. Of course we know you wouldn't. But like me you'd be fine on the beach, in the gym, at the running club or the sauna.

Assumptions have also been made about the other poster who mentioned being uncomfortable. No room for deviation from the Only Allowable View. Surely we we are ancient prudish anti-feminist creepy people - and so to be dismissed completely.

Anyway - I'm off to the gym - better be careful not to lose my mind!

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:12

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:11

Of course, but it’s not the hoodie that was the issue, and she had visited the stepfather in his home.

Do you usually struggle so much reading?

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Shorts and crop tops are normal, outdoor items of clothing - perfectly acceptable things to wear both in public and in other people's homes Hmm

Bicurator · 28/12/2022 19:13

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:10

Because it’s just body parts. That’s what that poster was clinging to

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Well his pants aren’t ‘clinging to his testicle’ in your little tale 🤭 I’m not clinging to anything, your outlook is repressed, if my FIL wanted to strut naked I genuinely wouldn’t care, equally they have never ever made a comment on what their granddaughters are wearing.

susiesuelou · 28/12/2022 19:13

@ClaretBarret

Sure, but... there was no mention of the OP's DD's body parts "falling out", was there? Unless I missed that. So how is a crop top comparable to a testicle falling out? Confused

There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 19:13

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 28/12/2022 19:12

Shorts and crop tops are normal, outdoor items of clothing - perfectly acceptable things to wear both in public and in other people's homes Hmm

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Depends how much is on show.

A large chested person in a small crop top will be essentially showing as much as walking around in their underwear.

You’re the one who brought the own home argument into this, wrongly.

ssd · 28/12/2022 19:14

Tell your creepy step dad to look her in the eye when he talks to her. Although she'll be getting creepy vibes from him anyway. Yuk.
And she sounds like a perfectly normal teenager. The days of drindle skirts are over. Unfortunately...

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