Teenagers outfits!!!

[Gabzz212]

So am I being unreasonable to be sick to the back teeth of my 14 year old outfit choices now. Just spoke to her after she has been to town with her friend to buy 'an outfit'. Asked her please buy something appropriate for the weather she also knows I don't like stuff too revealing anyways she has been and bought some £30 nike pro shorts and a hoodie. I'm pissed. I was supposed to take her trusted her on her own and this is what she buys? All the time we are arguing over her outfits she wears sports bras as tops and always has tiny short, tiny crop tops on and big lashes. I'm sick of it I feel like she has no respect for herself and really don't understand why she always wants to have so much on show. I think she's too young and it also sends out the wrong message. My stepfather actually said to my mum after we had been for a visit last week that he didn't even feel like speaking to her as he didn't know wear to look and felt quite uncomfortable. I try and explain its not good to dress this way all the time but get nowhere. AIBU to feel quite upset and stressed over this situation?

Step dad is not vile. It is very uncomfortable indeed. I used to tutor and the family's teenage son used to come into kitchen in pants - nothing left to imagination, (especially after he'd just got up) - very uncomfortable. Nothing leery about it, (middle aged woman jumps teen boy in kitchen shock) - but it's what's appropriate. If step dad appeared in his Y-fronts or the granny came down in bra and pants and gaping dressing gown we'd all feel awkward. Assumption that step dad is some sort of paedophile are just stupid.

However teen girls have been doing this for years. It's just a question of time and place.

It’s just a collection of body parts, why would you care, it says more about you than them

Ah Teenagers … the more you disapprove, the more they will want to do it.

My 16 year old DD knows I support female bodily autonomy … I don’t particularly like the jet black hair she is currently sporting, but it’s not on my head. You have to let them make thier own decisions

Yeah totally the same thing as shorts and a jumper 🙄 You must lose your mind at the pool/beach.

It might be typical teenage fashion for some (I mean, it is, but on recent own-clothes days in my school, I've certainly learnt that there is no such thing as typical!) but I'd be disappointed if mine went down that route too. She's 13 and prefers the Dr Martens, baggy jeans/cords/combats, sweatshirts type look. I think she values warmth over everything!

It's not our children's job to dress so as to make our parents and ourselves feel comfortable. It's our job to support them to express themselves, make them aware of possible reactions, and support them if there are adverse reactions - including how to speak for themselves and defend themselves.

How does your step-dad cope when he goes to the beach? Or the pool? Or the gym?

Up here in Newcastle, that's standard mid-winter night out togs!

Which is not to say there are situations when you can make it clear what is appropriate - weddings and funerals leap to mind.

I don’t know how these disapproving parents/stepparents etc cope during school PE days or swimming. Or is only teenage girls that are being sexualised? Definitely never go to kids gymnastics lessons

Sound similar to how my 16 year old dresses.
You can't tell them how to dress, that never goes down well. They'll find their own style. It is what it is. Your step father is the one with the issue, not your daughter.

Yep 😂

Good for her.

YANBU Op but given her current taste in clothes and the fashion being all crop tops you were a bit naive to send her shopping on her own. I’m surprised at your replies on here, I don’t think it’s appropriate at all. I’m sick to death of this stupid trend to have flesh showing - she is still a CHILD ffs.

No the day we went to my mums she had the sports bra which is quite low cut. I'm not a monster I just feel like she is too young to wear such revealing stuff and I would prefer her to have a bit more modesty when it comes to the tiny shorts.

The fact that I rarely if ever wear a coat (even in this weather) I put down to the years of experience I had going out clubbing in the NE winter in very very little.

THIS.

I think you need to pick your battles. Maybe compromise that when you visit older relatives she wears something a bit more sensible but I think the rest of the time it really is up to her what she wear.

I remember being 14 and wearing cropped tops and short skirts, shorts would have probably been less revealing.

The op has made it clear those comments are in reference to her crop tops. Not the hoodies

She's a teenager. She's following a (bad) fashion trend. It's what they do. Instead of judging her and pandering to pervy men, we should be working on changing the world we live in so that people know it isn't acceptable to lech over young girls.

A hood and shorts? Oh god she's practically asking for it! 🤨

A man that feels uncomfortable around a child in shorts is the problem, not the child wearing shorts.

It's pretty standard to wear sports bras as tops if you're working out or doing some kind of sports.

If you're concerned about her not respecting herself or needing validation from people being attracted to her then maybe you should focus on improving her confidence and respecting her? You're just trying to shame her into covering herself up which is not exactly great is it?

Let her wear what she wants, clothes are a big part of identity at her age. My middle DD 22, actually said to me recently how thankful she was that I didn’t question/prohibit any of her teen clothing choices. She always liked to dress a bit differently (just goth/egirl type), and a couple of her friends with the same style were always getting grief from their parents.

Hardly any of my 16 year old's current tops (including jumpers) cover her tummy. Not one. I mean I feel freezing just looking at her but it's not me going out in winter with my midriff exposed so 🤷‍♀️ She won't be told either! You can advise but they'll do their own thing and they'll push back more against anything you disapprove of, ime.

It has always been thus, you should see what i used to wear at that age, you've got to let her get on with it..
and as for your stepfather, why expect her to change the way she dresses because he cant control himself? Misogyny at its finest!!

My dd wears joggers/combat trousers and a crop top (also lashes). She feels comfortable in these clothes and she looks lovely IMO.

Pretty standard clothing for 14 year olds surely?