Teenagers outfits!!!

[Gabzz212]

So am I being unreasonable to be sick to the back teeth of my 14 year old outfit choices now. Just spoke to her after she has been to town with her friend to buy 'an outfit'. Asked her please buy something appropriate for the weather she also knows I don't like stuff too revealing anyways she has been and bought some £30 nike pro shorts and a hoodie. I'm pissed. I was supposed to take her trusted her on her own and this is what she buys? All the time we are arguing over her outfits she wears sports bras as tops and always has tiny short, tiny crop tops on and big lashes. I'm sick of it I feel like she has no respect for herself and really don't understand why she always wants to have so much on show. I think she's too young and it also sends out the wrong message. My stepfather actually said to my mum after we had been for a visit last week that he didn't even feel like speaking to her as he didn't know wear to look and felt quite uncomfortable. I try and explain its not good to dress this way all the time but get nowhere. AIBU to feel quite upset and stressed over this situation?

Short shots and a little crop top (one or the other not both at once) are fairly standard teen girl clothes. It's about the only time they can do it because as they grow older the crop top look in particular stops working.

So why arent people doing anything about the mysoginistic culture rather than berating their teens?!

She said in the OP that the childs Stepgrandad doesn't know where to look at her when she wears shorts. How about her face?! Why didnt she ask the step grandparent why he was struggling to avert his eyes away from the body of a 14 year old girl? This is to the point where he avoids her because he doesnt know what to do?!?!?! Instead she told her daughter off and insisted she changes her fashion choices to prevent men from not being able to control themselves.

It needs a multiple approach to beat it and while I tell my teen girl constantly about what she wears, I never once stop her or put the blame on her for anything that men do "because of what she wears". My daughter and son also pull their friends up when they see or hear them making mysoginistic comments because they know its unacceptable and its the start of tackling it.

Cycling shorts and a crop top in winter is far from ideal, however there's lots That goes on behind the scenes and my daughter thought she had won the other week when I made her swap her crop top for a longer one (still cropped), leggings and a hoody. She removed her hoody and still got to wear the crop top but it was a vast improvement on the previous crop top that was leaning more towards a sports bra. She thinks I think she kept her hoody on all night because that's what I told her i wanted to do so it gave her a small victory that she had no idea was orchestrated by me

Suggest the pearl clutchers don’t move to Spain their descriptions of outfits are worn by pretty much every teen. Or Brazil - Dd2s friends mum is Brazilian and (as I am
often told!) has no problem whatsoever with skimpy clothes and even encourages it!

I don't know, nothing on here surprises me any more!

It's always females that dress like this, never males. Groomed by social media and societies expectations.

I agree. But on an individual level would you make your 14 year old Dd push against this on her own? M&S pie collar when her peers all in Named Collective? Pretty miserable life.

Where it's hot!

They are seeing teens in shorts as sexual beings which makes them uncomfortable and want them to cover up. How is this the teens fault?

Yes agree to a point.
But, if grandad came over for xmas dinner in a pair of skimpy Speedos, you probably wouldn't know where to look either would you?

But Grandad wearing skimpy speedos isnt suitable for a dinner table, a pair of shorts and a hoody is acceptable.

Stop making ridiculous comparisons and trying to create fictional situations to compare it to.

The Stepgrandad in this is unable to take his eyes of a 14 year old girls body to the point he doesnt want to be be around here. Its much more than her wearing shorts but apparently the biggest issue is this and not the inappropriate thoughts of grown man.

If he can't help but stare at a 14 year old in shorts, how is this the problem of a 14 year old?

Why are people on this thread acting so dumb?!

Also, Grandad in speedos isnt being sexualised by everyone around him, but its pretty fucking rank when a grown man cant keep his eyes off a 14 year old child in shorts and struggled to look at her face instead of her bottom.

Not sure how that can be justified to be honest.

Grandad is not a sexualised child.

Why do people keep making this irrelevant comparison between girls and old men?

Agreed.

There is a line somewhere and where it is seems to vary from person to person.
Most people would consider an outfit consisting of a padded bra top and tiny shorts as unsuitable everyday attire for an 8 or 9 year old, for example. Indeed shops have been asked to recall items of clothing because of such concerns. Because people can see the children are being exploited, to be very clear, not because they view them sexually. It's precisely because they don't view children in a sexual manner that people find this style of dressing deeply uncomfortable.

Of course young girls want to dress fashionably. This is not their fault. But how have we got to a place where fashion items emphasise the breasts, bums, vulvas of those who are still children? In the supermarket yesterday I saw a teen wearing a pair of scrunch-bum leggings in a skintone colour. She was unfortunately attracting a lot of attention (mostly dismay/concern). If I were her mum I'd certainly have had a word before she left the house. It wasn't fair on her not to.

Why does our society make girls feel they need to wear hardly any clothes?

Grandad doesn't have that pressure does he?

Fwiw I don't find grandads sexual either!

@AbreathofFrenchair can you really not see that fashion is sexualising young girls? Who is being dumb here?

It's very clear that step-grandad felt uncomfortable because there was a child in his presence dressed in a manner to display her breasts and bum.
Of course he felt uncomfortable! Because he's not a pervert! He doesn't want to see his granddaughter on display like that!
If he were a pervert, he'd probably be delighted, not uncomfortable. I can't believe the responses on here to be honest.

Oh cute, you think I'm the dumb one?!

Grown adult men and women are the ones sexualising our young girls. But everyone is absolutely aghast that we should, God forbid, confront the adults that are sexualising our children.

Rather than speak to the StepGrandad who has openly said to the OP that he just cant take his eyes off her body and doesn't know where to look, she instead chose to berate and shame her daughter for wearing the wrong clothes. Why wasnt he dealt with?

So rather than actually have a conversation with the person struggling to control themselves around a child in shorts, why is it preferable to shame the child and make them the ones responsible for an adults?

I can't be arsed with this same argument with people like you who think children are responsible for inappropriate adult feelings and thoughts.

Yet she says on her post, he had trouble with knowing where to look. Is he really that incapable of looking at a 14 year olds face?

And if this has caused him, as said in the OP, to keep away from her because he doesn't know where to look, this leads on to more questions. How does he cope in day to day life when he sees other teens and younger children in swimsuits and shorts?

The seasons are irrelevant, he is having inappropriate thoughts all year round. End of.

What would you do if a man came up to you and said "your breasts on your vest top are distracting me, please cover up"

Or of your daughter comes home and tells you she has sexually assaulted or raped? Would you scold her for having worn shorts?

Stop making children responsible for adult feelings. Start questioning adults who are telling you they cant be around children because they can't look at their face!!!

Ffs, its not hard.

You're analysis of the situation is wrong @AbreathofFrenchair.
People who are uncomfortable with children dressing/being dressed in a manner that displays their breasts/bums/vulvas are not perverts.
As for being instructed to keep eyes on the children's faces at all times (don't dare look elsewhere you pervert!) that's simply ridiculous and impractical. Surely you can see that.

And of course nobody is responsible for rape except a rapist! How did we even get there? Again, someone being uncomfortable with the current fashion of putting young girls on display (as many women on here have said they are) does not make them a potential rapist. The very opposite imho.

The OP said her daughter would be asking for trouble dressing that way, as have others on here. One poster even thinks social services should be called each time a teen leaves the house in shorts because its neglect.

Do you have a problem only looking at peoples faces when they are talking? Why should anyone have to alter their dress because people can't stop themselves staring at their bodies? Why arent these people being questioned more about their inability to stop staring at a 14 year olds body????

The OP said her daughter would be asking for trouble dressing that way
No, she didn't say that.

One poster even thinks social services should be called each time a teen leaves the house in shorts because its neglect.
I think that poster was worried about the weather, or being dressed poorly for freezing conditions. A bit over the top, I agree.

Do you have a problem only looking at peoples faces when they are talking?
Have you every tried to enter a room and see only peoples faces? Or to see only the face of someone walking by on the street? That's mad. I'm not talking about staring, people notice things in passing - more than they realise, actually.

I did the exact same thing from the ages of about 13-16. So did many of my friends.

She will grow out of it.

By the time we were 17 and in college, we were in hoodies and those massive flared jeans!

I do agree that young women should wear what they want but I feel sad that what they want is to be copying some vapid tik tokker or someone off love island and spend the day taking pictures of themselves for likes. What happened to being political or fighting the patriarchy! There is a massive marketing machine wanting them to buy lashes, nails, in a few years facial fillers etc etc, it is just sad

@TheaBrandt just side stepping the point of the thread and ‘dothing my cap’ to you for the NC mention. Great ethical brand, fab quality and really warm fabric too so a win win lol

Ha yes Dd and her friends obsessed with these Indy collective type enterprises and vintage.

Don’t underestimate teenage girls posters like Papershade - many of them are far from vapid Love island wannabes. Have faith! Mine and their lovely friends dress outrageously but love poetry and are very politically engaged.

Perhaps don't say anything and just get a pair of your own Nike pros (I had to Google them) and see how comfortable she feels. People can wear what they want, and after all, it's only fashion