To have risked severely offending this friend by being truthful here?

[ColinRobinsonsfamiliar]

long awaited night out with great close group of friends. About 8 of us.
Planned a couple of months ago and finally got a date good for us all.8pm table booked.
The group is older, all with either grown up kids or older kids of our own.
One though has a toddler. She doesn’t get out at all really except with us.
She was telling me the other day that her (god damned useless/areshole) “D” H suggested she bring the toddler along to the meal as it’s been a while since some of us haven’t seen said toddler for a few months and must be missing him terribly.
It’s a bit of an issue normal as this friend tends to dominate things by insisting on passing round endless pictures of toddler and insisting we each look at the various films & pictures of the child.
I was really taken aback by this suggestion and said that I really really think it’s an adults only evening and would toddler not be in bed by 8pm? To which She said she would keep toddler awake so we could all see him for the meal.
To which I said that with all due respect, some of the group would not come if she brought the child along as it would change the dynamic of the evening that we had all been looking forward to for so long.
She just couldn’t understand where I was coming from at all, I couldn’t understand her pov at all either.
Believe me, 8 out of 8 of the others would not come if she brought the child cute as he is. They would cancel.
How would you have worded this??

I agree that it's sad for your friend because her OH is pressuring her to take the toddler out with her.

sorry op it is abuse he controls her by not parenting his child and the sitting there turning the tv up thing is definitely absuive

Well done.

Hope you have a lovely evening

My youngest is a toddler. A very very cute toddler whom I adore but I relish my adult time. I would never take them to an evening meal. I actually avoid taking them to a lunch. I just want to wear clothes that don’t have hand prints all over & take a bag with a lipstick & a purse not wipes and a sippy cup. It’s fantastic being child free for a few hours.

My SIL & BIL are like this. To my mind he is absolutely useless but she worships him & their dynamic is unproblematic to them. I would feel abused if my DH behaved like that but she genuinely doesn’t.
I know the consensus is that this woman is a victim but some relationships are just bizarre.

OP, you’ve said enough. Let the others say what they will otherwise it will look like only you have an issue with it. People are very good at letting someone else take the fall.

Don’t think there is any abuse at all. They are kinda devoted to each other
Oh, it's an abusive relationship. I have no doubt. Seems like the signs have always been there but her friends have maybe not wanted to look beneath the surface and have instead, just been annoyed with her when she's tried to offer some kind of insight into what she's got going on.

Having said that, I'm not a fan of other peoples children and I certainly wouldn't want a toddler at an adults evening out.
All her picture showing, gushing etc put together with everything else makes me incredibly sad for her. Doesn't change how I'd feel about having a child along but I'd hope that we'd be able to look beneath the surface and see just what a shit position this friend is in.

The only way I can see, for future occasions, is to pick her up. Wait in the car (have to make a phone call maybe?) and drop her off after letting her know you have to be home by a certain time for whatever reason.

It's a hard one but at least it's 'entertaining' for the masses here just hanging for the upcoming update 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to say I also thought this sounded more about control on the DHs part than an oblivious mum. Your response was totally reasonable but plz keep in mind there could be more to this than meets the eye

@ColinRobinsonsfamiliar when is this event? I’m wondering how it went if you have had it.