Partner of 2 years wanting to use my inheritance to buy a house for his ex (and his child).

[allegraldn]

I've been seeing a man for two years. We have known each other for many years as friends prior (about 22 years). We are both professionals who work full time. I received an inheritance recently and haven't done anything with it. I've been in a fog of grief and I will admit, that grief has been all-consuming at times. My partner seems to be brimming/full of wild ideas as to what to do with the money. I'm personally not interested in hearing about it anymore.

Tonight he suggested that we buy a house nearby for his ex-partner to live in so he can have her and his two children that he shares with her, nearby. I snapped and told him to get f*ed. If not that, he has suggested all sorts of ideas on what to do with the money. Nothing wasteful (such as a 10 day bender) as we are both good with money and work in the financial services. But ever since this inheritance issue arose, he's turned into some kind of Warren Buffet as opposed to an actual partner... and it's gross.

I really am questioning if I even like his personality at this point.

I am sorry for your loss OP.

What a CF.

Here’s a contrasting story. A year after MIL died, when we had been together over 20 years, I asked devastated H if he wanted to put his inheritance towards a safe investment. He didn’t want to, so we didn’t. I asked because I do most of the bill paying etc, but I’ve always felt a bit uncomfortable with myself that I asked.

When my parents died, after the estate had been distributed about 6 months later, I told H what I planned to do. He had never asked about it during that time. We had had fully joint finances for nearly 25 years at that point.

Be sure to park your inheritance somewhere safe and inaccessible while you work through the worst of your grief.

I think they’ve known each other for 22 years, not that she’s 22.

OP - he sounds very grabby and his idea about a house for his ex and kids is mad, but the only thing in his defence is that FS people really have an allergy to money sitting in the bank earning no/little interest and “doing nothing”. But he is phrasing all that totally wrong!

I would be wary.

A house would be a sensible investment and why shouldn't a dad want to be near his kids? I don't think it's totally bonkers, but I'd buy in your name only.

No no no.

@Notanotherone6 🙄

Also..change your will so it is clear where this money needs ro go to. Not because he might polish you off but god forbid something did happen your he doesn't benefit as someone living with you.

No, it’s a terrible idea financially. If ex wanted to pay market rent to live near OP and DP, she could just do that without OP’s involvement. If ex is not paying market rent, it’s a bad deal for OP. OP will not be able to evict them without causing issues, and there is also a chance that such a CF will later support ex and children in claiming a life interest.

OP I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure Christmas has been a hard time for you.

What was your DPs reaction when you told him to get fucked? His reaction would be telling for me. Was he annoyed at being told that or did he look utterly mortified/apologise immediately for being insensitive?

In either case he needs a good talking to and it made clear that your inheritance is yours to spend when you are ready.

Together 2 years and he's making a suggestion like that!? Grabby prick! Get rid!

why should he decide to:

1. spend his GF’s money to suit him
2. organise his ex’s life?

If he wants to be near his kids, he can move himself near them - a cover his own costs.

The ‘oh, he’s just a good dad’ excuse does not wash.

Wow what a CF he is.

How you spend or save the inheritance is zero of his business.

DH and I have been married for a very long time, when HIS inheritance landed I have never once suggested what he might do with it. If he wants to share or ask me then I'm here, but it's his to do what he likes with.

I don't think I could look at your partner's face again without seeing the pound signs flashing in his eyes, so unattractive.

This raises red flags, alarm bells and a warning siren for me. The only way that his suggestion would be in any way acceptable would be if you had expressed the idea that a BTL property might be a good use of your inheritance, OP.

However, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if the relationship was otherwise good. I'd just tell him straight that it's my money and my decision, and that when I want his input, I'll ask for it.

I also doubt his financial acumen though. House prices appear to be stagnating here (SE) at best, so if you wanted to buy a property you might get more for your money if you wait a while, and changes to tenancy laws coming in over the next few years are making BTL a less and less attractive option. And to rent to a partner's ex and child would be dreadful.

Imagine if she didn't pay the rent or trashed the property, and you had to consider eviction?

If this is real, then I’m utterly shocked by it.

this man is using you. I can’t believe he suggested you buy his ex a house,he must think you’re thick as pig shit , but what’s worse, is he feels he is entitled to your money and is thinking of ways to have it benefit him and his.

you need to end this relationship op. The man is not a good person and he is not on your side.

I’m very sorry for your loss. Frankly, I don’t think a partner of only 2 years gets any say anyway, but he is also being spectacularly insensitive and cruel.

What seriously? He’s a boyfriend of two years, why the fuck would she be buying a house for his ex to live in so he can visit more easily?

raise your bar.

A house would be a crap investment right now, and imagine acting as landlord to your partner’s ex and children. What if the ex stops paying the rent? What if they trash the place? What is OP going to do, evict them? It would be an appalling decision on business grounds as well as the potential hassle involved. If he wants to be near his kids he can move near his kids.

Oh, OP, so sorry for your loss.

Your partner’s job while you are grieving and coping with shock is to support you and put your needs first.

Not try and annexe your money for his own benefit. Bloody hell! Can you imagine him looking your late relative in the eye and saying “I am using the money you left allegra to house my ex! “.

And yes, how the hell does he think his ex would feel, moved around the country and into his new woman’s property for his convenience?

This is the last thing you need at the moment.

If you face him fair and square with how horrible and preposterous he is being do you think he will realise, apologise, learn and behave? Or be defensive and try and gaslight you into believing he is only thinking of your long term interests?

That's insane. Surely he was joking? I'd dump him.

Sorry for your loss ❤️

how could someone think they have a say in your inheritance after 2 years???? Id even say 20 years plus a marriage they dont have a say but 2 years partner!!!! Hell no. Tell him to fuck off.

2yrs and he is suggesting you buy his ex a house. That would be the 2yrs over- your not even married and he feels entitled to your money

Sorry for your loss OP.
I’m sure that whoever you inherited the money from would want you to use it for something that made YOU happy - not a partner of 2 years who seems hellbent on using it for his own needs
Not for me to say whether you should stay with him or not, but whatever you do, do not allow him any access to your inheritance ……
if he wants to buy a house to rent to his ex and child let him fund it himself and deal with all the problems that being a landlord brings.

That’s appalling. What a nightmare that would be. You’d be stuck letting them live there forever at, no doubt, a cheap rent to reduce his child support. What a truly awful man - sorry but you need to get rid of him as he’s a taker and a user.

And for which she might decide not to pay any rent, putting you in an impossible situation, given the relationships involved!

As others have said, keep him well away from this money. If you were ever considering the idea of marrying him, I'd advise against after this performance.

I can’t imagine he sounds better from his ex’s perspective.

just imagine if an ex said to you: I’ve decided that I want the children to be more convenient to me. So I have decided that you will be moving to a house that I’ve told my GF to buy. That’ll best allow me to micromanage every aspect of your life.

Not an appealing prospect.

Him being a controlling wanker is probably the best case scenario from the OP’s perspective. The alternative is the ex and her BF deciding they’re going to spend her money for her, like a pair of grifters.

Nope I’d be done

fuck all to do with him