Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner of 2 years wanting to use my inheritance to buy a house for his ex (and his child).

226 replies

allegraldn · 28/12/2022 04:21

I've been seeing a man for two years. We have known each other for many years as friends prior (about 22 years). We are both professionals who work full time. I received an inheritance recently and haven't done anything with it. I've been in a fog of grief and I will admit, that grief has been all-consuming at times. My partner seems to be brimming/full of wild ideas as to what to do with the money. I'm personally not interested in hearing about it anymore.

Tonight he suggested that we buy a house nearby for his ex-partner to live in so he can have her and his two children that he shares with her, nearby. I snapped and told him to get f*ed. If not that, he has suggested all sorts of ideas on what to do with the money. Nothing wasteful (such as a 10 day bender) as we are both good with money and work in the financial services. But ever since this inheritance issue arose, he's turned into some kind of Warren Buffet as opposed to an actual partner... and it's gross.

I really am questioning if I even like his personality at this point.

OP posts:
KalvinPhillipsBoots · 28/12/2022 07:42

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/12/2022 04:32

Get rid ASAP.

Frankly why does he even know about the money? Keep your cards closer to the vest with the next guy.

I live below my means and let men assume I'm on the lower income scale, which is far from true. But it winnows out the chancers.

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Exactly this, I'm a bit the same. Stops those who clearly using you stand out

HotChoxs · 28/12/2022 07:43

Can you please dump him. Please. You are 22, he is a selfish dick and always will be. He's also got two kids. You are far too young for this.

HotChoxs · 28/12/2022 07:45

Seriously on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of awful this is like level 9.

tara66 · 28/12/2022 07:46

Your money is none of his business - you may really need it in a few year's time - if you get unwell, have an accident or become unemployed. He seems to think it is his money.

Poppyblush · 28/12/2022 07:46

He’s shown his true colours. Get rid.

happinessischocolate · 28/12/2022 07:53

Money does strange things to people. I had similar after inheriting money whilst seeing my last boyfriend. Unlike yours he never mentioned the money at all, not even when I wanted to talk about me buying a house. Then suddenly one day he blurted out that he now didn't have to worry about having somewhere to live as he had me to provide housing.!!!!

kingtamponthefurred · 28/12/2022 07:55

Substantial baggage? CHECK
Insensitive? CHECK
Offers unwanted financial advice to another financial professional? CHECK
Obsessed with your money? CHECK
BINGO. Complete set of reasons to doubt the entire relationship.

TheUsualChaos · 28/12/2022 07:57

I agree, get rid of him. He is showing you his true colours. Instead of supporting you in you grief he is hassling you about money and trying to make it primarily benefit him.
I had a small inheritance recently, not enough to buy a house but enough to do something big with and my DH doesn't even mention it 🤷‍♀️

Smartstuffed · 28/12/2022 08:02

I am sorry for your loss OP but also that you have had to deal with this too. How eye-wateringly insensitive is he? Coming up with ways to utilise your inheritance for his benefit alone. He sounds so 'off' I would throw him back in the sea. He isn't the man for you.

A significant sum of money which he is not entitled to has turned his head. He feels 'rich' at your expense. And he's stupid too; hoisting his colours without a thought for what you're going through.

It just shows how you can know a person for 22 years but not actually 'know' them. A bereavement in my family has turned my brother into someone I don't recognise - so much so that my sibling and I will never have anything to do with him again once everything is settled.

merlotlover · 28/12/2022 08:03

OH HELL NO!!! I'm so sorry for your loss 💐
Dump him and like pp said keep money info to yourself in future
Bless you there are so many people that would try to take advantage

Menomenon · 28/12/2022 08:08

We can’t know if it is a LTB situation based on this much information, OP, but it does look pretty bad. Why does he think your inheritance should benefit him?

It sounds as though you do need to make some decisions about the money tho. Maybe make them without him. As you will know, there are plenty of people you can go to for advice.

GrasstrackGirl · 28/12/2022 08:09

Dump the money grabbing cunt.

ohfook · 28/12/2022 08:13

I'd give him one chance. I'd sit him down and say very clearly that it's your money, not joint money, and you don't want to hear his ideas about what do do with it while you're still grieving. If that changes in the future and you want his advice you'll let him know, but in the meantime he's to stop mentioning it because it's upsetting to you and causes you to question his motives.

You'll soon know which he is more interested in - you or your money.

Hoosemover · 28/12/2022 08:14

HotChoxs · 28/12/2022 07:43

Can you please dump him. Please. You are 22, he is a selfish dick and always will be. He's also got two kids. You are far too young for this.

Not a helpful that you haven’t read and understood the OP. She know her partner 22 years.

whatever you are age you are OP, move on for this selfish git of a man.

FlamingJingleBells · 28/12/2022 08:15

Dump him and lock the money away in a 90 day notice account or premium bonds.

Next time do not discuss finances with a boyfriend at all, unless you're married there's no reason to share everything.

Don't live with a boyfriend either so your finances aren't tangled and you can make a clean break without losing half your inheritance.

YellowRedBlueGreen · 28/12/2022 08:15

Fuck him off and in future keep your finances to yourself unless to someone you are married to. Sorry for your loss x

HotChoxs · 28/12/2022 08:19

Hoosemover · 28/12/2022 08:14

Not a helpful that you haven’t read and understood the OP. She know her partner 22 years.

whatever you are age you are OP, move on for this selfish git of a man.

Show quote history

Yeah sorry did read just not at my best this morning.

Message still the same however. Awful and dump.

nancydroo · 28/12/2022 08:22

His suggestion is so vulgar. What did he say when you told him to get fucked?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/12/2022 08:30

Handy for him to have his ‘ex’ nice and near to pay (? Conjugal?) visits to…..whilst the mistress supplies both his women with a home.

When most men do this, ( see Victor Hugo for an example) at least they pay the bill.

AftersomeAdvice234 · 28/12/2022 08:33

Op so sorry for your loss, definitely take as long as you need.

trying to figure out what your AIBU is? You seem to know he is wrong but perhaps you want advice on whether to stay with him or not? If that is the case I think you know, if he cannot support you through this and is so blinded by the money then I think you know how future events will go..

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/12/2022 08:33

GrasstrackGirl · 28/12/2022 08:09

Dump the money grabbing cunt.

Exactly this.

diddl · 28/12/2022 08:36

All else aside-why does he get to decide where his ex lives?

Perhaps she has already deliberately moved away?!

strawberry2017 · 28/12/2022 08:38

Say what now?
That's ridiculous!

SoSweetAndSalty · 28/12/2022 08:39

Does he live with you?

Choccolatte · 28/12/2022 08:41

My mum inherited £100k from her father about 4 years ago. Although they have discussed it, my Dad doesn't get involved with the ultimate decision of what to spend it on. They have been married for 56 years. Tell him to never speak about it again.