To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

[windyerneckin13]

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

I really hope you listen to all these people telling you how hard it was for them

We pay £60 a day for DS 18m and I then get the tax free childcare to bring that down a little.

I work one day from home with him with me - it's a favour to work as they need extra hours covering and I said I would do them but it would have to be in my time around DS. I fit those hours in over sat-tues, around DS and DH's hours. Essentially I log in quickly when he naps and check emails then log in again when DH finishes and do some work before tea. Failing that, it's a Sunday afternoon job and I work through to tea time.

I wouldn't want to do it as contracted working hours I don't think because I don't know when I'll get the chance to log on and work as DS comes first. I don't mind doing it as a favour with my boss knowing how the land lies if that makes sense.

Slightly tangential, but regarding the difficulties your 2yo had settling at the nursery/playgroup - I think this is something you need to actively address, otherwise you will have the same issue when you try again. Or when he starts school.

You said that even a toddler class stresses him out? Is there something low-key and/or drop-in that you can take him to each week so that he has a chance to practice being in a space with other kids? Even if you only stay for 10 minutes at first for a quick look and to play with one toy before taking him out to calm down, it will help him get better at enjoying himself in that environment. Being looked after by a parent/grandparent most days is lovely, but the downside is that, especially if he missed out on baby groups during lockdown, it is a huge shock to his system to be in a nursery environment around other children.

I also think your downfall with nursery previously was the length of time they were there. 2 hours is not enough - they don't get chance to settle and build bonds with the staff before they're being picked up and not back again for a week, by which time they've forgotten.

Having said that, I'm not sure I'd want DS going somewhere where the staff just went with the "oh he's not settling, he's too young and not ready attitude".

We just suck up nursery fees as a temporary drain on money. It's not forever.

Without being horrible to you and others that have done it, I would feel like both a half arsed employee and a half arsed parent on that day a week. It would stress me out no end.

I get other people have done it and it had “worked” but I suppose it depends how willing you are to ignore a child’s needs and your works needs to create a balance. And the nature of the work is even worse with admin - I used to go cleaning with my mum and would help out so she could interact with me etc. Not the same with admin.

YABVVU as yu full.well know.You are being paid by your employee to work fir them not look after your toddler.i will bet you haven't told them about the arrangement, why is that do you think?

It's a 100% no from me. You'll be neglecting your work or your child, probably both. With such a young child I don't even think it's safe. I am astounded that your work are ok with this.

OP has said at least twice that work are aware. Try reading the thread.

I worked from home with my daughter (part time) but they were also happy as long as the work was done. I did it in nap times, evenings and weekends mostly. On the rare occasion I had a weekday meeting she’d watch tv. My two year old is also perfectly capable of sitting doing some drawing at the table next to me for an hour with minimal input if necessary!

My 2 year old needs pretty much constant supervision no way I child work and care for him.
You need to make a go of nursery or childminder - it isn't fair on your colleagues or your child

My boss did it in lockdown and it was terrible for all of us.

It was NOT cute when his DS was on our zoom meetings or screaming in the background.

Your son is obviously not ready for a playgroup but an actual nursery would be different.

You only need to put him in for 2 days, not the little one, so the cost is half what you said.

It'll be less stress for your MIL to have just the baby for 2 days too.

I cannot imagine why anyone would choose this.

I did it through lockdowns and I've always done a half day from home and had my child for that but I always did an hour or so the evening before so it was really only two and a bit hours across a whole day if necessary.
I also had the help of a seven year old which was essential.

If you are determined to do it, my advice would be get up very early. I found mine much easier to manage in the morning so I'd be trying to start at 5am. Afer lunch is harder.

But really you are already condensing your hours and I think this is taking the piss..

Just to clarify:
The £1000 a month is for 2 kids for 2 full days (cause they don't do 1 day) in a normal nursery not the playgroup that we tried our son at.
We haven't tried him at a normal nursery yet as He was going to MIL until I was on Mat leave (which I'm currently still on) and absolutely no chance in hell could we afford to pay for it while on stat pay for 9 months.

We don't pay MIL in the traditional sense though have offered numerous times she just won't take it. So we provide most of what son needs when she needs/wants it and use our A/L when she's sick or on holiday or has other engagements.

And yes I do know how lucky we are as she's amazing and would go to the ends of the earth for him.

I have not made up my mind hence the not signing the contract yet and starting this thread. I've only recently got this new job so it wasn't even an option before. We tried the playgroup as thought it would've been perfect for him, smaller group of kids, the staff were really amazing, and thought for that 1 day a week we could send him on the double session meaning 9-2 would've been covered then he naps 2-3 so I'd only have 2 hours to make up on the evening once husband was finished work/babies are in bed. Then he didn't settle and became so clingy he wouldn't sleep without us being in his bed.

Also the playgroup was 2 hours a day so 5 days a week not just 2 hours a week.

But yes nursery, childminder, husband possibly changing his work pattern though changing his day to a Saturday is a no as he works with schools so can work on a Saturday but not instead of mon-fri. All still on the table. Nothing has been decided. This is why I started this thread. So now I have a better picture of it and can see it's not possible to work at home and have your 2 year old. Jeepers, I didn't think this would get so many knickers in a twist.

Would work not consider reducing your hours to 4.5 days?

Getting a few hours done around a child is possible but a long day like yours is a different matter.

I can't stress how mentally tiring trying to balance all of it is. You will not get a single second that is your own.

That's not good for child development though is it? No child of 2 should be left to their own devices or on screens for hours. Why not look at a childminder setting where he may be more settled in a smaller environment and able to practice all the skills he will need from socialisation to messy play? I don't get how you can afford a nursery but not other types of settings.

Childminders are more flexible but still work to the same standards offering the same care as nursery have you looked at them?

@jannier obviously we don't actually let him do this and he doesn't get left on his own or with screens. But he has no interest in much other than his toys, books and TV. And he absolutely detests messy play. We've tried at home and at a messy play weekly toddler class and he wants nothing to do with it.

Supporting children to gently take part in messy play is something childcare does, taking the child's interests allowing them to watch cars rolling through paint, dinosaurs stomping playdo etc. Research has shown it's important for eating, speech and fine motor development it took me 3 months to get a child interested in paint. Seeing others' understanding that dirty hands are okay.

Just lucky then. saying a 2 year might be napping for 3 hours in a 10 hour shift is the most bizarre post you’ve read on MN, well that’s a bizarre response considering some of the shit I’ve read on MN.

Mine slept after lunch to 3, sometimes 4 and were very chilled after they woke , 8 to lunch they were full on.

needs must, some families are at breaking point financially, if I had to, I’d wing it at work for one fucking day a week if I couldn’t afford child care. She may have huge debts, who knows? There may be people out there living completely different lives to our own experiences. Fancy that!

Obviously I will if I have to, it was just an option that work offered to me.

I know it's normal to spend one parents (almost) full wage on childcare for 3/4 years but it's a ridiculous way to live and doesn't make it right whether we need to or not.

@windyerneckin13
Always worth trying first then see, all the best and positivity

If your employer is happy with the arrangement then technically there is no issue. Since lockdown lots of people have remained working from home with kids present to save on childcare costs so its not all that uncommon these days. On the counter side as a customer I find trying to deal with someone who is clearly keeping one eye on a child and who has to apologise for the noise their child is making in the background rather unprofessional.

Why can’t you send older child to nursery for 2 days, and baby stays with MIL for 4 days? Why would you move both children to nursery?
i would not work with my child at home again, it was the most stressful thing.
can’t focus on work because you constantly need to check on child/ keep an eye out. Child watched too much tv (and now has a language delay). It was stressy when child wouldn’t nap as planned. Sharing it between us didn’t work well either, and we both ended up working until well after midnight, trying to get work done.
so we were constantly trying to work and parent, didn’t sleep much, we’re grumpy, stressed, and not doing either one particularly well.
i also don’t believe anyone who said they can work properly whilst providing childcare.
finally, working condensed hours is hard - trying to make up time on top of that will mean no downtime whatsoever

You’re very funny 🙄

Quite clearly one of those people who cannot fathom the idea of children being helpful in having them as company or in their own wee ways. I mean life skills can begin from the early years given that children learn more in the early years than they do at any other time of their life. I am a mother of 3 and each of my children are very capable in their abilities to help in various ways. Not only that but they are seeing their mum work hard to provide for them which doesn’t include time away from them. My career is within the education industry however I chose to file a career break (position is safe for my return) to spend as much time as possible with each of the kids before they began/begin preschool and school.