To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

[windyerneckin13]

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

This. Sorry but this takes the piss. So many other jobs - nurses, retail, reception- etc don't have this option. Compared to others in your role, you won't be putting in anywhere near as much time, focus or concentration. You need to find another solution or your colleagues will grow to resent you

Do you not know the difference between a 2 year old and a 2 month old?

Hopefully you've read enough here to make you listen to that nagging voice in your head, OP- you clearly were worried about it, and for good reason. I really think it would be a mistake and I would be rethinking the contract if I were you. (I have a 2yo now, and my eldest was 2/3 during lockdown, and like many PPs I still have the occasional flashback to the horror.)

1 day might be do able temporarily - especially if work are flexible about when you log on eg early or late. I wouldn’t want to do it a lot, we’ve done it when poorly and can’t go to nursery and it’s stressful at times!
I’d have a plan to get settled into nursery for 3 when the 30 free hours kick in.

If my 2yo slept for most of 8 am to 6pm I’d have been taking him to the doctor. That’s not remotely normal.

@itisntmuch - so in which country is a 2 yr old spending much of the working day strapped to his mother asleep while she undertakes an office-based role?

Realistically no, you can't work with a toddler. We had no childcare during COVID but the first lockdown we only managed as my husband was on sick leave and I was on reduced hours. Second lockdown I paid for a childminder for the hours she was supposed to be getting free at nursery.

So one day of nursery would actually only be 4 hours and costs you £125?!!

I’ve did this for over 2 years and still do for some of the school holidays - I massively regret it, it is neglect there is no way around that, you have no choice but to put work first on those days and the consequence of that is that the child gets less attention and supervision than they should, even if they seem happy enough on the day the reality is they have been put at a disadvantage for that day and it does impact them, the accumulated effect became noticeable with us. I would strongly recommend looking at childcare/nursery, if the father is wfh too then even half day childcare may be enough and then you both flex the other half day between each other - but that’s not easy on a compressed day either, tried that too and it’s exhausting

It's like a local playgroup nursery thing so they have 2 sessions of 2 hours a day for 2-4 year olds.

But you said that you’d worked out £1000 a month based on an 8 month-old and a 2 month-old both going. That was £125 a day, so about £62 per child. Now you seem to be saying that they only cater for over 2s anyway, and that the maximum you could get would be 4 hours?
There is no way that 4 hours could cost what you are saying. My son’s excellent nursery in London only cost £65 a day for 7:30 am to 6pm, including three meals.

Are there really no proper nurseries local to you?

No she clarified that the £125 was based on the cost for 2 children. But even then it’s still ridiculous for 4 hours (see my previous post).

Putting it like that it’s a rip off and I can imagine why it’s not real working as it’s not a nursery settling as such

Can you give any thought to the PP suggestion that if your DH can be fully flexible he makes one weekend day a working day and looks after the 2yo on your working day?

Have you met many any 2 year olds? They do not doze strapped to their mothers or sleep for much of the day. If they do there should be huge concerns about them.

It's like a local playgroup nursery thing so they have 2 sessions of 2 hours a day for 2-4 year olds.

So it’s not a nursery then, it’s a playgroup. Have you tried a nursery, or are you all out of options having tried virtually nothing? (Because what you actually want to do is not pay for any childcare and you want other people to validate that?)

Most workplaces are not ok with no childcare. You could risk your job in this case. It’s also totally not doable with a 2 year old if you’re genuinely expected to work a 9-5. 2 requires way more input / oversight than a newborn, for example.

I'm another one with PTSD from wfh during lockdown, and my two were both primary school age at the time. This whole thread is giving me horrible flashbacks.

Would you be happy to leave your 2yo with a childminder who was also trying to do a separate admin job all day long?

So yes, you are completely insane. It won't work. Please don't do it, to yourself or your ds.

This has to be one of the most bizarre comments I’ve ever read. Clearly never met a 2 year old / had children?! At this age, they have dropped to 1 nap a day - if you’re really lucky it’s a 2 hour nap. You can also come across 2 year olds that have dropped their nap altogether. So that would be a 2 year old awake for the full 8am-6pm. If you know a two year old that sleeps most of that time, take them to a doctor.

You cannot work and give the two year old the care and attention they deserve. I would expect employees to have proper childcare in place when they are working, although I would be flexible if the child was ill. I am so fed up of the rhetoric of women saying they are working for nothing in relation to the expense of childcare. During over four decades of employment, no father has said this to me. Childcare is an expense that enables both of you to work and high quality childcare gives your child the care and early education they deserve. If your child had an accident while you were working I wonder whether your employer would also be culpable as they knew the child was home with both parents working and no provision for care.

Reading your updates doesn’t make any sense. So it’s £1000 for a month - but that’s actually for 2 days for 2 children when you are actually only putting 1 child in for 1 day? And it’s on for 4 hours, not a full day?

I actually think you’ve settled on WFH with the 2 year old and done zero research to have come up with nothing actually suitable other than a really bizarrely overpriced (and apparently ineffectual) playground.

Honestly, do it if you want. Your work may be fine with it but I stand by my initial thoughts - it’s awful for the child and from experience (and I’m clearly not alone) would never recommend anyone do that to their child when they have a choice.

If you are going to try out your child in again in March, then this is possibly workable if you break it down into eight weeks x one day, and make a watertight plan for that one day - eg all meals prepped, evening before and after cleared for catching up, and see if you know another mum/neighbour/babysitter who could mind the child fora couple of hours, cash in hand. But you really need to show up full hours for work to show good intent, and be certain it’s strictly temporary.

Even for 2 DC those nursery prices are ridiculous, I'm in NI and we pay £850 a month per child full time.

I'm another one who had a 2yo in the first lockdown, it was awful. I still hate playing in the garden, and a few other things that should be lovely with young DC but just take me back to that time.

I do think you're asking too much of granny. I've seen it many a time among friends - granny loves the idea of looking after the cute little baby but that baby very quickly becomes two toddlers running in opposite directions and tantruming and it's not so good.

For one day a week, you might manage if you schedule it properly - each properly work half a day, and make the hours up in the evenings and weekends. But I do think you need childcare.

My recollection of 2 year olds is that they need a lot of entertainment and input, plus you can't really take your eyes off them. So how can you you do 10 full hours of work at the same time? Presumably you are actually supposed to be actively working during that time, not just available should someone try to communicate with you. I don't see how you can do it, even with plonking your DC in front of a screen all day, without cheating your employers.
Maybe you can do 3 full days and 2 half days, and your DH could do the opposite half of the day?

Ah yes thanks for doing the breakdown.

Childcare is expensive OP. You will need to pay for ONE DAY for your eldest child. How were you going to afford it before when your mum hadn't offered? 4 hours a day isn't enough to cover a while days work so scrap this play group thing you need childcare for the whole day.

Yes you won't have as much disposable income but that's the deal when you have kids.

I agree with this.

OP, you seem set on doing this, but I would very much urge you to pay for a nursery or a childminder. It'll be better for you and your child.