Invoiced for Christmas stay

[Brightun]

I’ve already had a thread about SILs bitching that the roast I served (for 11 people) wasn’t piping hot. Now we’re home I’m a bit less cross about that but absolutely fuming about the invoice I’ve received!

The set up is a bit complicated. DH has 3 sisters. The venue was SIL2’s house but I cooked because she’s recovering from an injury.

Me, DH, x3 DC
SIL1, BIL1, 1DC
SIL2, BIL2
SIL3

We all stayed 23-26 December. We brought 2 joints of meat, a Christmas pudding, a Christmas cake, plenty of wine, beer, some gin and rum, some nice cheeses, kids snacks and drinks. There was one cafe lunch and one takeaway and we all paid for our own families. I paid for one top up shop of about £40. Everyone else paid for/brought similar things.

This morning SIL emailed an invoice (made on an invoice template from some software!) to DH and copied me in for £200 for “hospitality”! I understand that hosting 9 people is a lot but I hadn’t expected to be invoiced.

DH wants to pay it to shut her up. I want to ask her to itemise it and to prepare an invoice in return for the hours I spent cooking Christmas dinner.

I'd ask how it was calculated, and had she taken into account your contributions. Say that of course you are happy to reimburse if she's out of pocket, but that it needs to be properly discussed and agreed with everyone's contributions built into the calculations. And would she like you to set up a spreadsheet?
I think if she is very hard up, maybe not working as you say she is incapacitated, perhaps she is out of pocket to an extent which is causing her to worry, and it might be appropriate for you to give her something to cover the costs of having the 5 of you to stay. For example ,Just having all those extra showers is going to bump up her fuel bill, and if she is skint you wouldn't want her struggle.

You contributed very fairly imo.
Also, if someone is hosting they can't suddenly introduce charges that were never agreed beforehand.

So hosting the OP and family did cause some additional costs such as gas and electricity, so what, that's irrelevant... it's just part of hosting - always has been! If you're too mean-spirited to accept this, you shouldn't host, or accept invitations to others you can't reciprocate.

OP - How can you have any respect for your DH if he's so weak?

I’d be tempted to play on the over the top sympathetic “I had no idea you were so hard up” angle and suggest you will host Christmas next year to take the pressure off without them having to embarrass themselves by sending out bills to family.

Let's see it

Oh yes!

what fid all the other guests take with them to contribute?

This is so outside my sphere of experience I don't know what to think!!

My "DIL" hosted me and my son this year, cooked a cracking three joint meal etc and I practically had to force 40.00 into her hands because I was working and too much of a headless chicken to contribute practically (still adjusting to widowhood) I bunged 20.00 to each of her kids and then me and my son washed up by way of a thank you x for which she was embarrassingly grateful (I thought it was just polite!)

I couldn't imagine anyone sending a fecking invoice- it's bonkers!! Especially as OP cooked and took food and drink!

Jesus Christ! I actually think in some circumstances it's totally fair to get people to chip in for Xmas dinner etc (either through paying or each agreeing to bring a bit) if the host isn't well off. But you obviously agree in advance and in this case it sounds like you already contributed more than your fair share anyway. Unless you were chugging through vintage champagne morning noon and night she's taking the absolute piss!

There’s been a story on the front page of BBC News about someone doing this for the last week. But (a) it was agreed in advance and (b) the guests didn’t bring all the stuff. SIL doing this after the fact and after all your generosity is being a total CF.

Do people really believe this rubbish?

Nah, I’m just bored shitless.

Just ignore it, what’s she going to do if you don’t pay, take you to court?

I thought my SIL was a CF but this takes the biscuit

Nope.

Nope.

OP isn't a new poster and their previous posts check out. So I'm prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt. We all know that there are people out there who do this stuff.

@Brightun what are the other SILs going to do? Did they provide stuff too? I see that your kids are very young. £40, even for the baby?

I don’t have a baby. My kids are 5, 3 and 3. Same flat rate for all!

DH hasn’t asked other SILs if they’re going to pay. I’m not in contact with them
independently. They’re a bloody weird family who barely communicate and they act like they’re colleagues when they do. My siblings and I are constantly chatting on WhatsApp etc. DH and SILs send weird update emails and have shared Google docs of addresses and birthdays etc. One BIL is nice and normal and I have him on Facebook. I might ask him.

The previous thread about the food being cold the OP said she was hosting and that next time she might not invite the SILs. That then changed to being at the SILs. It's all a load of rubbish

I believe the OP. My dad, when he married my mum, was sent an itemised bill for every pint of milk he drank, every loaf of bread, etc for the 18 years he'd lived at home by my GF. Of course my GF was as mad as a hatter but...

As for your greedy, money-grubbing SIL, I'd send her a detailed itemised bill of every purchase you made for that meal, plus your time, at double your usual hourly salary rate (some calculations needed but worth the extra effort) and tell her to get stuffed.

I would absolutely respond with an invoice for the items you brought and for your cooking labour (double time, of course, for Christmas Day). You will have no problem at all ensuring that it is more than £200, and you can generously offer to write off the balance ‘as a token of festive goodwill’. Then stay at home next year.

She did indeed.

I wasn’t hosting as in providing the venue at my house but I felt like it because I was cooking at SIL’s because she is injured and host BIL is a dickhead so I also had to sort drinks for people etc. I drew the line at washing up to not fully succumb to the hired help vibe.

I would reply…
Very surprised to receive your invoice, especially as you hadn’t informed us we would be charged for our Christmas. However, as you insist, here’s my invoice. This is the food and drink we bought as our contribution to Christmas….. plus the food shop I did for you…. That comes to xxx amount. And the outstanding balance is the reduced rate I have charged you for my culinary skills. Normally I would charge extra with it being Christmas Day but as you are family… so that comes to £200….

And in future if you intend to charge for hosting us, please advise in advance so we can decline.
Kind regards OP