Drama on holiday. Aibu?

[Somethingborrowed21]

Would this upset/annoy you?

My DsD wanted to pull my DS on a sledge and I'd told her numerous times not to go too fast as it would be dangerous. Clearly she didn't listen. Went too fast, suddenly stopped and DS went flying face first and hit the snow with his face. He didn't cry but was stunned and said it really hurt his head. I panicked as I saw him face plant and worried he really hurt his head. I got annoyed but didn't shout and said I told you not to go too fast because look what's happened. She didn't ask how DS was and then stormed off and started crying. My DP followed and they sat talking for ages. Then we went back to the apartment, DsD wouldn't speak to my DS. DS kept saying DSD are you upset, it's ok don't be I'm OK. She still wouldn't talk to him. My DP is off with DS too and Me.

So me and DS are made to feel bad because DsD didn't listen and my DS faceplanted the snow hard.

Aibu to think me and DS have done nothing wrong?

What? Had the situation been resolved normally DSD would have accepted her behaviour was wrong and had consequences. She would have apologised. Instead her dad pandered to her ‘oh poor me’ narrative and in doing so, reinforced it for the next time. Not to mention him also being off with the five year old and replacing OP in his bed.
How is all of that the fault of the OP?

This

My SS 13 does stuff like this all the time.

He'll play too rough, stuck his foot out when they were running past him and my 2yo at the time tripped head first into a display cabinet, he'll throw them around, and hurt my kids to the point of blood, bumps and bruises (3 and 5), then LAUGH, then cry because he doesn't want to get told off and he gets all the attention. This has happened on numerous occasions since 5yo was confidently walking. My DH is better at giving the physically hurt child attention rather than SS, but IL's will only pander to SS.

Makes me edgy whenever he's around.

Yep, two DSD’s always acted like this. Exhausting. No real advice but you have my sympathies, OP. I would not do any of it again for love nor money.

This.

I dealt with this for years with my exDSD, she never listened and just did whatever she wanted with the younger ones 99% of the time resulting in them being hurt.

Ex always took sides and pandered to her woe is me I’m a perpetual victim attitude instead of instilling some appropriate boundaries and the importance of respecting other people’s bodies and safety.

It was literally exhausting and nothing could ever make me blend families again. It’s not worth it.

Put yourself and your son first, see out the end of the holiday making the best of what you can. Definitely claim your bed back for a start, and when you’re home make plans to leave him. I couldn’t stay with a grown man who gave a 5 year old the silent treatment, that’s pathetic.

woe is me I’m a perpetual victim attitude

You’ve nailed it. And the attitude is pandered to and tolerated, when it should be squashed, for their own sakes as well as everyone else. Everyone living on eggshells when they’re around, does not a happy family make.

If you can get out, go.

Ha ha, she’s totally playing you… and your dp has fallen for it.

WTF?! I’d be keeping my little ones away from him. He sounds extremely unpleasant. 13yos should know not to hurt little children! They are tiny compared to him. Blood? Laughing at hurting them? Isn’t his father remotely worried about that kind behaviour? Screw that. I’d have zero tolerance.

Your DP sounds despicable and dsd is a manipulative brat. Glad to hear you are dumping him as soon as you can get away after the holiday. Your little boy was the one mistreated and hurt yet he tried to be nice to evil step sister.

You're talking about an 11 year old child here. I do think the OP should leave - because she clearly doesn’t like the child. Such treatment could be very damaging to an 11yo girl.

@MeridianB he is choosing to stay away of his own accord at the moment. He didn't like being called out on his behaviour and attitude so his BM and my IL's are 'keeping him safe' from the evil of my household.

Dh has got better at dealing with it, but in the early years it was me and mine and him and his (even though all children are DH's).

I'm happier not having to be a constant health and safety inspector for my kids but I'm sad that it's like this for DH and SS.

Agree. With bells on. This wouldn’t be happening under my roof. I didn’t have children to watch them be tormented or injured by anyone. This is in your child’s home, the place they’re meant to be safest and happiest. They have no choice but to put up with it and it’s incredibly frightening and damaging. No one is worth it.

@AnneLovesGilbert I couldn't agree more but I'm the bad guy because 'he's from split family' and he's emotionally damaged and we're just extras along for the ride.

I NACHO the lot of them and haven't seen SS or IL's since September and I'm OK with that but I'm sad for DH and SS. I'm not sad for my kids or me though. If that makes me a bad person, so be it but my kids deserve to be kept safe in their own home just as much as SS.

I’m amazed at the number of posters pretending that any of this is the OP’s fault. Poor bloody OP. Bad enough that she’s stuck abroad with her awful partner and his daughter, but some posters still have to kick her when she’s down.

Of course, it’s easy to see what crimes the OP has committed in their eyes.

Being romantically involved with a man who already has a child with somebody else: that will get a subset of the unhappily-abandoned mothers baying for her blood, the Jezebel.

Seeing through the 11 year old girl’s self-serving bullshit: that will enrage both the grown up versions of the DSD and the mothers concentrating on churning out replicas.

Good luck, OP. I agree with PPs that you are better out of this relationship. Ironically it might be a wake up call for your partner. As a PP wisely suggests, he might start smarming around you now if he suspects that you’re going to bin him. Don’t be fooled.

These are exactly the excuses made. They’re only a chiiiiiild.

So poor DC should just suffer the poor darlings who’ve been through sooooo much.

@EasterIsland Maybe try reading all of OP's posts. She has said she cuddled DSD, told her she loves her, kissed her, etc (which is more than her DP did for her son!!!). She wouldn't do that if she "clearly doesn’t like the child". OP clearly loves the child. Not just likes.

Btw, you don't seem to know or understand kids. 11 year olds can be be extremely manipulative, and this one so very clearly is.

I agree she is just a child , BUT she's manipulative and her DP is pandering to it, and giving a 5yo the cold shoulder, wow who even does that, oh wait my dad when I was a child.
Op get the hell away from him as soon as you get home and enjoy the rest of your holiday spending time with only your son.

Agree with this.

Hope rest if the trip goes as well as it can.

I don't think you're cut out for sledging OP.

Somebody always falls off, somebody always gets face-ploughed, somebody always has a small incident, bumps & bruises are part of the whole experience, & you are being immensely precious about it.

There's something off about the entire dynamic of this blended situation. "My kid vs: your kid". You & DP are both playing at it. Him effectively excluding you from your own bed & installing DSD in it is a powerplay to get back at you for making a big unnecessary fuss over SledgeGate.

The fact that you are both enacting your petty unreasonablenesses through your kids instead of talking to each other clearly & directly doesn't bode well for your relationship or for happy, unstressed kids. So unless this incident was a one-off, you might want to examine why you are bothering with this relationship. Because frankly, a kid falling off a sledge IS NOT A DRAMA & you need to question yourself as to why you made it one.

Not sure why you are blaming DSD for being a daddy's girl. That's a parenting fail, not the child's fault, & the responsibility for it lies squarely with your DP.

I'll repeat my earlier comment...there's some extremely hard of understanding posters on this thread.

SD deliberately went fast when told not to, then stopped abruptly. She caused DS to faceplant in snow.

If I shoved your face in snow then laughed at you...

@Somethingborrowed21 Have a lovely day with your DS. Lots of cuddles and hot choc.

I think your partners understanding of the incident clearly differs.

Yes she's older but your son was probably happy to be pulled fast after you'd told them not to but the consequence is all the dsd?! Kids will be kids. They're still daft at 11.

Perhaps your partner is thinking of ending it too? Maybe he's had a conversation with dad and realised a few things.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday and try and stay amicable. Tell him you need a proper sleep in the bed tonight or even better, just get in there first with your son and see how he likes that.

The issue here isn’t the SD, it’s the OP’s partner. The way he has been handling it.

OP forget about the young children, and concentrate on the adult child aka your partner. He has made the situation worse.

i hope you are still sticking to your guns and re-evaluating this relationship, so tonight either sleep on the couch like another poster has suggested or when your LO god to bed put him in YOUR bed and you sleep in with him tonight, then as soon as you go home, tell your partner to fuck off!
You dont need a man child in your life.

*goes to bed

100% this. No way would I have slept on the sofa in the first place! Wouldn’t have cared about causing a scene.

I'll assume all the pps who see the 5yo as a pure and innocent flower and the 11yo as evil incarnate have limited experience of dc in the older age bracket. 11 is still pretty young, you know.