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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drama on holiday. Aibu?

175 replies

Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 19:00

Would this upset/annoy you?

My DsD wanted to pull my DS on a sledge and I'd told her numerous times not to go too fast as it would be dangerous. Clearly she didn't listen. Went too fast, suddenly stopped and DS went flying face first and hit the snow with his face. He didn't cry but was stunned and said it really hurt his head. I panicked as I saw him face plant and worried he really hurt his head. I got annoyed but didn't shout and said I told you not to go too fast because look what's happened. She didn't ask how DS was and then stormed off and started crying. My DP followed and they sat talking for ages. Then we went back to the apartment, DsD wouldn't speak to my DS. DS kept saying DSD are you upset, it's ok don't be I'm OK. She still wouldn't talk to him. My DP is off with DS too and Me.

So me and DS are made to feel bad because DsD didn't listen and my DS faceplanted the snow hard.

Aibu to think me and DS have done nothing wrong?

OP posts:
alanabennett · 26/12/2022 22:13

EKGEMS · 26/12/2022 19:35

What the hell? You accept being forced onto the sofa? I'd be tempted to throw him and his shit onto the front lawn but I know with children you can't do that but believe me I wouldn't be thrown out of my bed that's for damn sure

Completely agree.

Mirabai · 26/12/2022 22:47

I would just tell him it’s over tomorrow and that you will both do your own thing with your respective kids until you go home.

Just pull the rug on his whole charade.

DarkDarkNight · 26/12/2022 22:53

Notthetoothfairy · 26/12/2022 20:08

It sounds like co-parenting/blending of families isn’t going well here and DP won’t allow you to utter the slightest word of criticism to DSD without rushing to her side and cutting you out completely. Are you really sure you want to be in this relationship?

Agree with this post completely. This episode doesn’t bode well for the relationship. These kinds of things will only get worse as your SD gets older. He has kicked you out of your room and moved his 11 year old daughter in? That is overkill. And sulking with your child who hasn’t even done anything wrong, and has been trying to be friendly to your SD is just mean.

I don’t know if I have missed or you haven’t said if your son is your partner’s child or is he his step son? It doesn’t sound like he is very kind to him in any case.

DarkDarkNight · 26/12/2022 22:59

Ah I’ve just read the updates, he will never treat your child as equal to his, glad you’re planning to end it.

hosyyy · 26/12/2022 23:23

Defo a DP issue. He should have spoken with her, privately, encouraged her to make an apology and remind her that if someone asks you to stop doing something you need to listen. Big hug. Some reassurance and get on with it and forget about it. He's really fucked the whole situation and you're sleeping on the couch. Mental.

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 27/12/2022 04:40

hosyyy · 26/12/2022 23:23

Defo a DP issue. He should have spoken with her, privately, encouraged her to make an apology and remind her that if someone asks you to stop doing something you need to listen. Big hug. Some reassurance and get on with it and forget about it. He's really fucked the whole situation and you're sleeping on the couch. Mental.

This is how I feel. I feel really sad because alot of my life I've been a people pleaser. That's been changing over the last few years. And now my DS is trying to appease DsD asking if she's OK even though he was the hurt one.
I know DsD is the result of her parenting so I don't blame her, she can be a sweet girl. I don't dislike her either as some people have suggested.
It's a nice very nice situation to be in

OP posts:
Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 27/12/2022 04:41

Its not a very nice*

OP posts:
AnyMucca · 27/12/2022 04:56

No point posting about problems with step children, you will end up with a barage of abuse. Just let them do what they want as the poor dears have been through enough and you are not nice.

fancyacuppatea · 27/12/2022 05:01

@Somethingborrowed21 Have you made a plan for today? That's more important for your DS at the mo than what comes when you get home.

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 27/12/2022 05:11

AnyMucca · 27/12/2022 04:56

No point posting about problems with step children, you will end up with a barage of abuse. Just let them do what they want as the poor dears have been through enough and you are not nice.

I'm guessing this is sarcasm?

OP posts:
Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 27/12/2022 05:13

fancyacuppatea · 27/12/2022 05:01

@Somethingborrowed21 Have you made a plan for today? That's more important for your DS at the mo than what comes when you get home.

I'm the only 1 up atm. We start our trip at half 9 this morning. It finishes around midday and then we have free time.
I know DsD wants to go swimming....... however I think we can do that anywhere and would prefer to take DS down the sledging hills. So I think we will do that

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 05:18

My advice would be to keep busy and try to spend as much time as you can with your DS separately, even if that means going off the booked itinerary.

I also predict DP will wise up that he’s getting dumped and start being nicey nice near the end of the holiday, to test the waters and/or build a new version of it all in his head. It doesn’t matter though. He’ll know he’s fucked it.

And yeah, pp was being sarcastic.

fancyacuppatea · 27/12/2022 05:19

Sledging sounds more fun.

AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 05:23

Yes, get the most out of the snow!

Bogofftosomewherehot · 27/12/2022 05:26

I agree - make the most of your snowy environment and go off with your son and have a blast when sledging. Enjoy!!!

Daffodilis · 27/12/2022 05:26

I think you need to split up for the sake of your dps daughter, it us obvious you do not like her, she is 11 years old ffs and you a grown woman are calling her names. I think your do recognised this and was protecting her from you.

fancyacuppatea · 27/12/2022 05:36

Christ on a bike.
There's some hard of understanding people posting on this thread. 🤦‍♀️

MysteryBelle · 27/12/2022 06:15

Your DP sounds despicable and dsd is a manipulative brat. Glad to hear you are dumping him as soon as you can get away after the holiday. Your little boy was the one mistreated and hurt yet he tried to be nice to evil step sister. She’s 11 and should have known to be careful with 5 year old. She went into your bed with dp, her father? I’m sorry, the sooner you are rid of him the better. Just be civil and keep your distance the best you can. She sounds like a very manipulative person even at eleven, wow.

templesit · 27/12/2022 07:01

Op tonight please stay on the sofa- to make a point and show you're not standing for his crap anymore.

How dare he have the say of where you sleep if you've been good enough or not.

You can sit with ds on this mornings trip I hope then have a great afternoon in the snow- dp can take DSD swimming.
Keep focused on having fun and enjoy your ds.

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2022 07:18

It sounds to me as if you've gone on holiday with three children!

DS and DsD sledging, DsD running a bit too fast, DS falls off = standard sledging.

DsD storms off because she probably realised she hadn't listened to you and was put out that you pulled her up on it. Standard.

However, your partner should have sat her down to calm down, explained that she needed to apologise to DS, or at least check he's ok and then move on.

Your partner then sulking and blaming a five year old is utterly batshit! What did DS do wrong apart from let DsD pull him on a sledge?!

What a shame he's ruined everything.

daretodenim · 27/12/2022 07:28

Go on the trip - sit elsewhere in the bus with DS. Then go out for lunch with DS - or get a sandwich and snacks to eat while you're out (weather depending) and enjoy the sledging!

Can you eat dinner out with DS, or is it half-board?

Fake being nice/normal to STBX in front of the kids so there's not an atmosphere for them. Alone just minimal contact. No discussions to avoid any arguments.

If the sofa was comfy enough, sleep there for the rest of the trip. Like a PP said, don't be "allowed" back in bed with him - f*ck that!

And you're right about the swimming.

RedHelenB · 27/12/2022 07:29

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 26/12/2022 22:08

Go home early OP. You deserve better.

Not just about her though, why should ds miss out on his holiday?
OP started this mess by being OTT about 2 kids having fun on a sledge.

Iamwhatiam52 · 27/12/2022 07:46

templesit · 27/12/2022 07:01

Op tonight please stay on the sofa- to make a point and show you're not standing for his crap anymore.

How dare he have the say of where you sleep if you've been good enough or not.

You can sit with ds on this mornings trip I hope then have a great afternoon in the snow- dp can take DSD swimming.
Keep focused on having fun and enjoy your ds.

This...if DP/DsD want to go swimming, they can crack on..." ok, me and DS will make the most of the snow and go sledging...bye" however, be prepared for your DS to want to fall in with DsD and what she wants so he's in her good books again.

Your little DS sounds a sweet boy, managing to pick up vibes tho, which would worry me I.e. clocking that DsD was upset etc so will do what she wants to keep the peace.

Sounds like she's unable to deal with doing something wrong so she is unable to apologise and turns it so she's the victim. Either she's not able to or mature enough to deal with emotional stuff like that or she's clever and manipulative. 🤔

Iamwhatiam52 · 27/12/2022 07:49

P.s. glad to hear you'll be dumping him. He's to blame for making an easily sorted out issue into an OTT drama!!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2022 08:07

Fuck sleeping on the sofa again tonight.

Put all your son's stuff in your room and announce he wants to sleep in there with you tonight.

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