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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drama on holiday. Aibu?

175 replies

Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 19:00

Would this upset/annoy you?

My DsD wanted to pull my DS on a sledge and I'd told her numerous times not to go too fast as it would be dangerous. Clearly she didn't listen. Went too fast, suddenly stopped and DS went flying face first and hit the snow with his face. He didn't cry but was stunned and said it really hurt his head. I panicked as I saw him face plant and worried he really hurt his head. I got annoyed but didn't shout and said I told you not to go too fast because look what's happened. She didn't ask how DS was and then stormed off and started crying. My DP followed and they sat talking for ages. Then we went back to the apartment, DsD wouldn't speak to my DS. DS kept saying DSD are you upset, it's ok don't be I'm OK. She still wouldn't talk to him. My DP is off with DS too and Me.

So me and DS are made to feel bad because DsD didn't listen and my DS faceplanted the snow hard.

Aibu to think me and DS have done nothing wrong?

OP posts:
EasterIsland · 26/12/2022 20:02

It’s kids playing. You’ve overreacted. I suspect because it was a stepdaughter and your PFB. But they were playing.

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:03

Nimbostratus100 · 26/12/2022 19:40

YABVU because your original instruction to an 11 year old child was totally subjective, leaving both children very vulnerable, your son vulnerable to injury, and you SD in a position of having made a childish misjudgement, not of her own making, of your making, then making her feel responsible for the consequences

How was it of my making when I had told her numerous times to not go fast. She went off and said no I won't whilst laughing and then ran full pelt and then the accident happened??

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 26/12/2022 20:06

You say you got annoyed but didn’t shout, so my guess is that you came across more harshly than you thought and that’s why your DSD was so upset, and why your DP is upset with you now.

Maybe you should say sorry.

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2022 20:06

DottyLittleRainbow · 26/12/2022 19:47

Sounds like the problem here is your DP to be honest, OP.

Yep. She didn’t ask how the child was who was hurt, the hurt child comforted her, she went off crying because you said she should have listened to her, she won’t speak to your DS, DP is off with you and the little boy she caused to be hurt? Why on earth is he off with DS? DSD sounds like Daddy’s little princess and DP is an utter knob, spoiling her and being mean to a 5 year old boy who has done nothing wrong.
How dare he exile you from your bedroom! Why does she still need Daddy to comfort her so long after the event, and why can’t she be in her own room? She’s 11, not 3, and it’s not like she’s been through some major trauma.

Untitledsquatboulder · 26/12/2022 20:06

What does "not to go to fast" even mean in this context though? It's really woolly - basically the speed is fine til the kid falls off, then it's too fast. If what you mean is "don't run" then next time say that. Or teach your son how to bail safely (very important sledging skill).

DuplicateUserName · 26/12/2022 20:08

She went off and said no I won't whilst laughing and then ran full pelt and then the accident happened??

Oh...

Notthetoothfairy · 26/12/2022 20:08

It sounds like co-parenting/blending of families isn’t going well here and DP won’t allow you to utter the slightest word of criticism to DSD without rushing to her side and cutting you out completely. Are you really sure you want to be in this relationship?

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:09

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2022 20:06

Yep. She didn’t ask how the child was who was hurt, the hurt child comforted her, she went off crying because you said she should have listened to her, she won’t speak to your DS, DP is off with you and the little boy she caused to be hurt? Why on earth is he off with DS? DSD sounds like Daddy’s little princess and DP is an utter knob, spoiling her and being mean to a 5 year old boy who has done nothing wrong.
How dare he exile you from your bedroom! Why does she still need Daddy to comfort her so long after the event, and why can’t she be in her own room? She’s 11, not 3, and it’s not like she’s been through some major trauma.

Show quote history

I know right, these are my thoughts exactly. Why should he be comforting her when he was the injured party. He looked like he wanted to cry before bed because both DP and DsD were being so off with him and the atmosphere felt awful and awkward

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 26/12/2022 20:12

Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:03

How was it of my making when I had told her numerous times to not go fast. She went off and said no I won't whilst laughing and then ran full pelt and then the accident happened??

Show quote history

you told her not to go too fast

SHe probably judged that she want going too fast - she is a child!

You were so vague and non specific in your instructions, that is the source of the incident

She was probably upset and frightened, and blamed herself - it 100% was your responsibility, though, not hers

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:12

Notthetoothfairy · 26/12/2022 20:08

It sounds like co-parenting/blending of families isn’t going well here and DP won’t allow you to utter the slightest word of criticism to DSD without rushing to her side and cutting you out completely. Are you really sure you want to be in this relationship?

Well this isn't the first time. If DsD is told off in any manner weather its.ke, DP, teacher or anyone else she can't handle it. She plays the victim says how awful a person she must be, never admits responsibility for her actions and cries. Dp usually panders to this and tells her she isn't and backs down from telling her off.
I don't know why I thought this holiday would he different. A Once in a life time trip and I feel its being ruined

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 26/12/2022 20:12

On a purely practical point, where was DSD supposed to be sleeping? I’d have thought that her original bed might be more comfortable than the sofa.

Also, your DP is a knob.

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 26/12/2022 20:13

DP’s behaviour being off with DS is totally unacceptable. Don’t put up with it. Not being kicked out of your bed but number 1 don’t tolerate that shit for your child

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:15

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 26/12/2022 20:13

DP’s behaviour being off with DS is totally unacceptable. Don’t put up with it. Not being kicked out of your bed but number 1 don’t tolerate that shit for your child

I know, I mean DP can be angry at me but my DS is innocent in this and did absolutely nothing wrong. He was even being sweet trying to comfort DsD

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 26/12/2022 20:15

Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:12

Well this isn't the first time. If DsD is told off in any manner weather its.ke, DP, teacher or anyone else she can't handle it. She plays the victim says how awful a person she must be, never admits responsibility for her actions and cries. Dp usually panders to this and tells her she isn't and backs down from telling her off.
I don't know why I thought this holiday would he different. A Once in a life time trip and I feel its being ruined

Show quote history

That’s even worse then, she sounds really manipulative. Don’t let him make you and your DS into second class citizens in your own home.

Oojamaflipp · 26/12/2022 20:15

When you say "your" DS, is he also your partner's?

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:18

Oojamaflipp · 26/12/2022 20:15

When you say "your" DS, is he also your partner's?

No we are a blended family. Ds is mine and DsD is his

OP posts:
Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:19

Notthetoothfairy · 26/12/2022 20:15

That’s even worse then, she sounds really manipulative. Don’t let him make you and your DS into second class citizens in your own home.

Show quote history

Yes very. She has been so much better recently so I guess that's why I thought the holiday would be fine.

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 26/12/2022 20:20

No we are a blended family. Ds is mine and DsD is his
Good, pack dps bags and get him out of your ds's life.

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 20:21

This sounds like one of those normal ups and downs. You try to do the right thing and it backfires but doesn't sound so bad. Maybe it's the whole silent treatment and "off" feeling with your dp that's bothering you. You should talk it out because it doesn't sound so bad.

Original poster
Somethingborrowed21 · 26/12/2022 20:21

Alexandernevermind · 26/12/2022 20:20

No we are a blended family. Ds is mine and DsD is his
Good, pack dps bags and get him out of your ds's life.

Totally agree, once this holiday is over our relationship is too. I should have done it a while ago but tonight has taken the biscuit.
Just got to make it through another 2 nights and 3 days. Any tips welcome

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 26/12/2022 20:23

OP I hope you get a chance when kids aren't present to let your husband know how you really feel-he's taking advantage and manipulating the situation

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 20:23

I just realised the dynamics with the blended family and that makes a bit more sense why you feel a bit funny and especially so that they are being off. You can't walk on egg shells and if you are being open and kind after, I don't think you've done anything wrong. They are in your care and they are kids so at times you have to be stern. Yours or not.

Alexandernevermind · 26/12/2022 20:24

Can you move into your ds's room for the duration, and the two of you enjoy the rest of the holiday?

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2022 20:25

I know you put “my son” but it’s still unclear if he’s DP’s as well. It’s very vital.
Your DP treats your son badly and I don’t think it will change, you shouldn’t stay with him however good he is in other aspects. Your son should be your priority.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/12/2022 20:26

Are you staying in a hotel or your own accommodation?

is there an option tomorrow to suggest an activity that you do with DS and he does with DSD?

Stay amicable but do things separately. Can you sleep in DS’s room?

Keep things apart as much as possible so you can still get as much as you can from your holiday.