Drama on holiday. Aibu?

[Somethingborrowed21]

Would this upset/annoy you?

My DsD wanted to pull my DS on a sledge and I'd told her numerous times not to go too fast as it would be dangerous. Clearly she didn't listen. Went too fast, suddenly stopped and DS went flying face first and hit the snow with his face. He didn't cry but was stunned and said it really hurt his head. I panicked as I saw him face plant and worried he really hurt his head. I got annoyed but didn't shout and said I told you not to go too fast because look what's happened. She didn't ask how DS was and then stormed off and started crying. My DP followed and they sat talking for ages. Then we went back to the apartment, DsD wouldn't speak to my DS. DS kept saying DSD are you upset, it's ok don't be I'm OK. She still wouldn't talk to him. My DP is off with DS too and Me.

So me and DS are made to feel bad because DsD didn't listen and my DS faceplanted the snow hard.

Aibu to think me and DS have done nothing wrong?

Where was she sleeping before she took over your bed?

I cuddled her and said good night and I loved her. Earlier today when she was crying about her ear, I cuddled her and told her it will be OK. I give her attention, I include her in everything. I stand up for her and listen to her when shes having issues at school.
However it doesn't stop the facts of what I've said she does. I'm trying so hard but I won't let my DS be at the cost of all of this. He hit his head hard and he said it really hurt.DsD didn't ask if he was ok.......DP is off with him

In her bed, it's a small single which is too small for me. Sofa is bigger

So you both dislike each other's dc? Definitely time to knock the relationship on the head.

If the kids beds aren't comfortable for adults then I guess you could have an adult conversation with your ex about taking turns in the singles or sharing the double with your dc?

Hopefully the activities will keep your ds distracted and you can just ignore each other and enjoy things with your own dc.

Good for you, OP! It sounds like your STBXP is a manchild who doesn’t make as much effort with your son as you do with his daughter. Stick to your guns and try to enjoy the rest of your holiday with your son.

If you didn't want her to do it you needed to tell her no. I can understand you snapping but really its parents responsibility not hers.

DSD felt bad about the accident. It was probably milder than you thought — seeing you child face planted off a sledge is bound to make you fear the worse.
Your DP is being unreasonable.
He should have reassured his dd that all is ok, no one is injured, it’s forgotten.
Instead he’s dragging it over til tomorrow as his dd will know you slept on the sofa — that’s not helping your relationship with her.
Id reconsider if he’s worth carrying on with.

Christ, he sounds delightful. Hopefully the rest of the holiday isn't too bad, but I think ending things is the best idea.

This is exactly what I think.

There is clearly a back story of both of you siding with your own kids and resenting the other for the same. The blended family has not gelled...and it's nothing to do with the kids.
I'm not blaming you. I can't think of anything more unappealing than blending families.

Ride it out, get home, have a really good think and THEN tell him it’s over.
That way there can be no comeback about this particular incident or the holiday overall - you are giving him your considered opinion over time and he knows it’s not kneejerk.

He has caused the problem. His DD should have apologised to your DS. He’s indulged her immature reaction and then made things ten times worse by being off with you and DS, allowing DSD to ignore DS and finally, unbelievably moving his daughter into the bed your share!

If a friend shared this with me, I’d say that her DP had ended the relationship tonight and she should come home or move hotel.

He is ‘showing you’ that he and DSD are a team and you and your DS are not included. Great big man baby.

Even if DP has reassured and all that it still wouldn't have mattered. DsD always does the same and cries and says how awful she is, no one likes her etc. Then DP runs to her and her feelings trumps everyone else's. Even a head bumped DS.

The initial incident is not worth getting upset about. Kids fall off sledges in the snow and you said yourself your child wasn't hurt and didn't cry.

However, your further comments about DSD's manipulate behaviour and you already wanting to bin off your DP indicate this relationship is not working. I'd be tempted to fly home early with your child and get a taxi from the airport.

Hand hold from me op.

This sounds awful and a hierarchy where dp is top, then dsd, you then ds- not how it should be as you know.
Maybe this needed to happen for you to know for sure you need to part with dp.

Enjoy these days with ds, you can make it magical and enjoyable for him. Focus on him and keep his focus on you and you can make the best of the situation for you both x

It fairness, an 11yo girl with poor self esteem does need reassuring. It sounds like you are jumping quickly to assuming she is bad, rather than just seeing her as a kid like your own ds.

Your ds' "bumped head" really doesn't sound like a particular big deal if it didn't even result in tears. I imagine your ex was cross that you added fuel to his dd's feelings about herself over quite a minor thing.

Absolutely ridiculous. This is normal sibling stuff on a daily basis.

Christ OP you are precious.

Another one to say you just get stuck in and not allow a child to do something potentially dangerous - she isn’t equipped to really know but you are, as the parent. Just don’t let her - and tell her that you were wrong to let her.

Well done @Somethingborrowed21, it’s so very rare to see people post about this type of thing, prioritise their children and plan to leave. If I were you I would feel at liberty to spend the next couple of days with just your DS making the most of this once in a lifetime (and, I’m sure, expensive) trip so that you both have good memories to take home with you.

I'd cut my losses and leave, or do my own thing with DS. Then make your own way home.

Perhaps in the morning you can give him a taste of his own medicine with a dose of silent sulking before telling him to enjoy the rest of the vacation without you.

Frankly, it sounds like you don’t like DSD very much. She’s in a new situation with someone who should care for her, but regards her as manipulative. It’s tough for her. At 11, she’s a child. You’re the grown up and she needs reassurance about your attitude to her. Doesn’t sound good.

Sounds like a P problem

Doesn’t come across that you are raising them as siblings but there is a sense of ‘my’ kid and ‘his’ kid. They’re both your kids if you’re a family, and I’d have thought fairly normal for an 11 year old sometimes to not quite grasp that a 5 year old is still quite little. He was fine, the issue seems much more about what is going on between the parents here.

Go home early OP. You deserve better.

Blended families are fraught with this type of thing.

Enjoy the rest of the holiday with your DS. Focus on him. Be polite and pleasant to DP and DSD but no more than that. Go off and do your own thing as much as possible. Play in the snow with DS. Then when you get home you can end things.