To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

[MoMuM7]

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

Well, he can use 50% of his share that’s left over to prop himself up now and work and save for his future. I will explain what you need the money for now and say you can’t give him any. Let him get a job like everyone else or your parents can give him some more of their money, not the one already earmarked for you

Do people normally get inheritance before someone dies? Is this a financial planning thing?

I'd just tell them that you have planned for this money and need it. It's up to them what they do next as it's their money.

It sounds like you’re already unwilling to go against their wishes and say no. Or at least you’re reluctant because of what will be said.

At the end of the day you were all promised a set amount. Your sister had hers, your brother has had 50% and you’re due yours.

Tell them you’re not willing to feed into your brothers laziness and the best thing they could do instead of encouraging you to give up your share is to encourage him to get a job.

Your parents are alive not dead.

Your brother and sister did not "inherit " money from their dead parents, they begged it from your living parents.

As you say, your parents worked hard for their money. It's theirs to enjoy as they please for as long as they live, and what they do with it is entirely up to them.

Be honest with them. You don't need to struggle, your brother can access the other half of his share!

Indeed!

So I’d make sure I wasn’t disadvantaged now.

Don't say yes. Explain how you feel and I'm sure they will look at your needs too.

I think this is odd of your parents. You should of all took the money at the same time to put down on a house.

It's not clear from your post but I would be asking for your share of the money NOW before there's nothing left.

Your parents shouldn't be asking... can he move in with your parents to save money? It must be awkward!

All of this money, including what the OP views as her inheritance, is the parents own money. They can do whatever they like with that money, with or without the OP'S consent. A 20 year old verbal promise means nothing.

She's explained her circumstances. She's on maternity leave with 2 under 2 and is struggling to have 6 months off as she works freelance. She would like to extend her mat leave to a year.

This. If his ‘share’ was all gone it would be a different conversation, but he wants to save his and spend yours? Whilst you miss out on maternity leave to facilitate this.

i would speak with your lawyer stents and explain you feel upset that you will know ss out on time within your baby as a result of this and feel your brother should use his future inheritance now if needed.

Your parents could change and leave the final inheritance when they pass to him or between you all if they feel future proofing the incompetent child is needed.

My parents reason that he'll need the rest of his share for himself and his children. I agree with them on that.

Seriously? You agree with that? If you genuinely mean that I really don’t understand your issue. He takes his other 50%. You take your 100%. Job done.

I can't believe this! Fuck your brother is he thinking of you and your parents can't see how he is being and his situation, selfish and greedy. Can't believe your parents would ask this of you. Seems he is the poor favourite

You've been asked a question so answer it honestly.
Tell them that while you realise its not your money you'd be pretty upset if they gave it to your brother, especially as you had infact ear marked it to help you out and even more so he still has his own 50% left.
His future really is no more important than yours.

I'm so angry on your behalf!

This would be my reply.

'I've thought about what you said, but I'm afraid my answer is no. My two DC are so tiny and I've planned to use that money to stay at home with them for an extra year at a time when they really need me. If the money was just for me to have big holidays or something then maybe I'd have considered it. But it's going to be used for my children. If DB wants to improve his financial situation then he is going to have to find a way to return to work '

If you put the emphasis on your DC it might deflect from you a bit. The whole thing is so unfair. Please stand up for yourself!

My parents have enough to last them into old age. I can't help but feel that they want to stop bailing my brother out and they are passing on their responsibility to me. If really wanted to help him without touching my pot, they could. They want to 'help out family'. My needs apparently don't matter because DH has a good job and we have savings.

I feel like an idiot for having expected their money and made plans for it. I'd promised myself id never depend on them. I feel even worse to be upset that I'm not receiving a gift. I was never entitled to it anyway.

@Liorae if you were my parent I don't think your morals would sit well with me. It's disrespectful

Actually she is shaking and sobbing.

My parents reason that he'll need the rest of his share for himself and his children. I agree with them on that.

You are willing to prioritise your brother’s children over your own children, then?

Just to be clear.

Nope. Definitely not doing that.

My parents are no longer together. When my father died my mum asked me to give up 100% of my inheritance so my sister could buy a house outright when I had 23 years left on my 1st mortgage and had just had a child. I wasn’t arguing over money so I said yes. I didn’t even get as much as a thank you text.

A few weeks later the planned changed but again it was pitched that I’d get less than my fair share and when I asked that my daughter (the only grandchild) received a very small share this was refused.

I quickly learnt that my family have no respect for me and certainly do not care about my own financial security. It sounds like they’ve already damaged your relationship so you might as well have the extra money as you can’t turn back time and forget about their behaviour.

Just say no.your brother had his share then he was a twat that caused him to lose all his stuff.
You don't owe him

Yes. Exactly that.

I wouldn't care about the opinions of someone with the morals of a 40 year old looking for handouts.

"Mum, dad, I'm devastated that you asked me. I kept to the plan and I've worked really hard to pay for my family's home. As you know, I've had a really hard couple of years and now that I'm 40 I have my own plans to use your very kind gift to help me and my family."