To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

[MoMuM7]

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

Have read all of OPs posts. Have given my opinion on it. Didn't realise I needed to run my opinion passed you before I post something on an anonymous forum. And I've seen a (small) few agreeing with me! 🖕

So you know you have made untrue statements about her not thinking about their future and now you’re making up stuff about her being dependent and blackmailing. None of that is true. OP has told us she knows her parents already have savings. She hasn’t taken money off them since she was 16, so hardly “still dependent at 40. And she hasn’t done any blackmailing at all, just told them, when asked, that she feels their actions show favourtism to her brother (which isn’t an unreasonable way for her to feel on the basis of what we’ve been told).

It’s not the OP that’s not coming across as intelligent. You should try working on your reading comprehension.

Her parents might prefer her brother.

And yes throwing a crying fit is blackmail.

Why can't she and OH manage on their own?

Are you always this much of a dick??!!

Jealous much??

Crying when the people involved aren't aware isn't blackmail. At no point did op say she cried over lunch or that she'd told them she'd cried. She's perfectly allowed to have her own feelings and express them in the privacy of her own home.

Ultimately they were all told their 40th birthday present was xK. The other cheekily asked for their early. Op didn't and because she didn't, she was asked to give part of her birthday present away to her brother because his life is a mess.

OP knew what she wanted to use her birthday present for but at the last minute, the brother wanted to have it instead, whilst ring fencing his own birthday present for later on.

Of course she's bloody upset. I'd be fuming at the sheer selfishness of my brother to think he can have my birthday present as well as his own. Whether it's 100k or a box of celebrations!

I'd so no, he needs to go to work and learn to keep his bits in his trousers and I would stand firm and definitely not suffer for his mistakes.
Little boy needs to learn to grow up and clear up his own mess not expect everyone else to.
Spoilt brat. X

Sorry OP that there are some C U Next Tuesdays posting on your thread!

Hope you get your early inheritance ASAP and your parents need to seriously consider their relationship with your grasping brother!!

He may well have a gambling addiction

They need to stop giving him their hard earned cash

Take the money they have offered you and at least that's safe

He's lying to get their easy money which is really sad

Well done for having that difficult conversation and I’m glad they could understand your point of view. It’s a shame the conversation even had to happen but it sounds like it went well and hopefully it will make them more mindful that your brother is not the only one they need to support (I’m talking emotionally not just financially).

So happy to hear you've said your piece and it's turned out so well for you.

Eh?! @704703hey where did you get that from?

That’s brilliant news. Your parents sound fab.

From the fact OP can’t afford to take longer than 6 months maternity leave or afford to pay for counselling. OP said it herself.

No they don't...they should never have so weak as to be manipulated into such blatant favouritism in the first place. But at least they've come good now, even though the situation should never have arisen in the first place.

So presumably OP is not entitled to help from the parents even though in your view she is struggling, but her brother is because he destroyed his family and is suffering the financial consequences?

You think OP crying IN PRIVATE is blackmail, but the brother manipulating the parents to give him more than his fair share is ah-ok?

You my friend have a very distorted worldview and a severly broken moral compass.

I don't think it's about the money for OP. I think deep down it's the hurt. I had a similar situation in my family - many hundreds of thousands drip fed to a sibling since the age of 18. nothing for me. Parents died, and no acknowledgement of that discrepancy in the wills. It really wasnt about the money. it hurt. Mind you the inheritance tax for her was a nasty surprise. We have mended our relationship however. With parents gone it's just us, and I have learned to react to the behaviour rather than the person. And I'm convinced the reliance over the decades hasn't made sister any happier than me.

@BabyFour2023

That's harsh. She'd accounted for money that her DPs had always been transparent about giving her at 40. She had no reason to expect that that wouldn't happen as her siblings had already got all or part of their share of the money early.

This arrangement was only put in jeopardy because of the dickhead brother who wants her share of the fund - not the rest of his share - so he doesn't have to get a job. He is such a low life.

The parents could have avoided all this by sticking to what they said In the first place and not giving the siblings anything until they were 40.

Your brother doesn’t want to get a job because then he would have to pay his ex-wife child maintenance. He has cooked up this scheme so that he can have a nice life and deprive his DC. I very much doubt that his ex took him to the cleaners. she got what she was entitled to. Otherwise I’m sure he would have asked your parents to pay legal fees so he could contest it in court.

If your parents cared about “family” they would not be asking this of you or be willing to deprive your DC and your brothers DC in this way.

Write to them and say you have considered their request carefully including the impact (both financial and emotional) on all members of the family and have to say no. Say that you are their loving daughter and want to continue to have a lovely relationship with them and your brother and the best way to ensure that is to say no.

Whoops sorry for not seeing the updates.

Well done OP. Your brother sounds like scum though. I feel very sorry for his ex and their DC.

Your brother doesn’t want to get a job because then he would have to pay his ex-wife child maintenance. He has cooked up this scheme so that he can have a nice life and deprive his DC.

That thought did cross my mind. One of the advantages of self employment over employment is that it's much easier to piss about with maintenance when you aren't on PAYE, for those so inclined.

Tell your sister ASAP. I might also say to Dad that it might be an idea to let DB fail this time - they’ve given him money, he’s not helping, it’s just meaning he doesn’t need to face up to his problems.

Can you show me where I said anything about OP crying in private and that being blackmail? It’s the first time I’ve responded to you on this thread so I’ve absolutely no idea where you’re pulling that one from!