To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

[MoMuM7]

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

I'm pleased you've taken the opportunity to talk it through and be honest about your feelings. It is really valuable that they've been able to elaborate a bit too.

Your brother has certainly put your parents through the ringer. I can see why they'd fret. Not being narky but I wonder if he might feel better once he returns to work (for himself or somewhere else).

I'm pleased this is resolved and you will get your full share. But what an absolute embarrassment he must be to your parents. No doubt they have created this level of entitlement by pandering to him over the years, yet here they go again by cashing in investments to help him out.

Well done OP, it's hard to speak to your parents frankly and respectfully on something like this but you've done really well.

Good luck with your therapy and enjoy your time with your babies, it's special 🥰

Well done OP. And good on you for refusing to keep secrets from your sister. I used to work in a bank savings complaints department. I dealt with so many complaints involving family members who’d sneakily talked an elderly relative into giving them money without telling other family members. Your brother needs to own his choices and your parents are enabling his using ways.

I'm glad that there has been a fair conclusion and no ill-feeling. It sounds like your dad is wise to him and yourmam just doesn't want to face the truth.

If he's spent his share and then wasted a chunk of cash on a luxury car, he would have gone through your share of your parents' cash in no time and then come back for more.

In fact he will continue to come back for more as long as your parents are prepared to let themselves be emotionally blackmailed into supporting him. It's a very sad situation.

I couldn't think less of DB but that's not a battle I'm going to fight. I'm still angry at my parents for the blatant favouritism but since they won't own up to it, I'll deal with it in therapy. I really really REALLY hope DB won't take all their hard earned £.

Could you talk to your parents about how they may be enabling him?
It sounds like they need therapy themselves.

Also as PP has said, care as an elderly person in this country is very very expensive. Think in terms of £50k per person per year.

imagine between them they clock up 5 years between them. That’s £250k cash they need to cover that expense.

Theres no point three of them being on the streets. Your mum and dad and your DB.

Your DM can’t throw herself under a bus to save your DB. If he’s going down it sounds like he’ll take her down and anyone else too.

Talk more to your DF and see if you can speak sense into him so he can stop this all unwinding.

Thank you for your kind words. Xx

I am loved. No love is perfect but I'm very grateful for my parent's.

Well done OP.

Just prepare yourself for your brother to kick off. He’ll see it that he should have your share and the cash in investments for his ‘needs’.

Hopefully your parent will at least be considerate of you and your sister now you’ve flagged how you feel.

Your parents should just give it all to charity and not put up with whining grown up brats.

DS and I have tried very hard to tell our DP that DB needs to be more self reliant but we can't get through. They are brilliant people but when it comes to him, they can't/won't see sense.

Put the wine down, love

Very bitter. The op sounds perfectly nice.

No she’s not.

Do they know about the new Mercedes?

Hes bankrupt but he’s got a new car?

cant work but he’s got that somehow?

Very odd, he sounds manipulative and deceptive. Better get your share soon or he’ll be whisking it away with his soothsaying 😬

Please do ignore the troll. There’s always one.

Perhaps it’s DB!!!

Bloody well done@MoMuM7 It’s tough to talk about money and fairness in a family, especially when most of us have internalised a smidgen of the attitudes expressed by some of the nastier posters on this thread calling you spoiled and greedy. You’re not.

Your brother could be seen as such though. Sex addiction! There’s really no such thing - it’s lack of self-knowledge and deep selfishness.

Good luck OP

Well done OP.
Very well done.

Let this be the start of a new chapter in your life, where you no longer refer to yourself in the pejorative.

So glad that you will receive what was promised.

Put some distance between you and that waster brother.

If your parents wish to give him their last penny, that is on them.

Well done for not agreeing to lie to your sister either.

He cares for no one but himself.

His type drag everyone down, put distance between you.

Your parents sound as if they love you but have a golden son syndrome.

I have come across it on multiple occasions in my life with friends family's.

It has ALWAYS ended in pain and disappointment for the parents, without exception.

I call it backing the wrong horse and inevitably alienation of their other children, usually their daughters.

Good luck to you.

I act as a carer for my parent. I do not expect inheritance and think OP is very whiny and self indulgent for expecting to dictate how THEIR money is spent. They said they have a good job so why should other people pay for her?

Perhaps you should try rationality and decency.

Just one thing that is odd about this – therapy sessions are like £50 an hour, so 6 months‘ worth of twice weekly sessions is about £2.5k. So if he bought a new Mercedes that cash came from elsewhere.

Glad you spoke to them @musingsinmidlife

And that they understood why you said no

They should have said no to your brother when he suggested it to them

And maybe you babe better earning potential as you work

Maybe bruv could get a job

Now there's an idea !!

Sounds like your parents are mugs want to help their child

But keep bailing him out helps no one

Maybe if he needs money for something therapy or a bill that they should pay direct

Well done OP.

Sounds like you handled it really well. Also you've made it clear that you DB is taking the piss and you won't lie to your DS.

Your DPs need you and your DS to keep calling out your DB's BS