To feel upset my inheritance is reduced

[MoMuM7]

I have very generous parents who worked extremely hard to ensure their kids were looked after. When we came of age (21) they told us how much each of us would inherit when we're turned 40. My sister asked for them to give a her a lump sum equal to her share so she could buy a house and they did that. When my brother turned 25, her asked for half of his share ao her could put down a deposit for a house and have enough cash to cover a 3 year sabbatical which they did. I haven't asked for anything as I was happy to wait till I turned 40. I started working when I was 16 so I have always been more financially secure than my siblings but im a freelancer which makes work difficult to come by and i also have 2 under 2. I'd planned to take 6 months maternity then go back to work in January but I'm shattered. My body, soul are exhausted from back to back pregnancies. I turn 40 in Feb so I was hoping to use my inheritance to take another year off, get therapy and sort my self out without financial pressure. DH works hard but his income alone won't cover us if I'm not earning.

Anyway, yesterday (Christmas!) my parents asked if they could reduce my inheritance sum as my brother 'needs it more'. He's just gone through a divorce (he cheated) and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. His business went under during Covid and he hasn't worked in 2 years although he could get a job if he chose to. He claims he can't go back to working for someone else after having been his own boss for 10 years.

I'm devasted. My parents insist I don't have to say yes but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I haven't stopped crying since.

That’s none of the OP’s business though. She can afford to support herself financially and that’s it.

I hope you have the courage to go through with the plan to be honest with your parents and say you were really counting on the money yourself as it will benefit you & your family for you to take a break from work. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.
Your brother could choose to get a job. Your parents could choose to give your brother more than 40k and leave less to charity. The thing it would be most unfair to do is to take money away from the amount you were promised years ago. You shouldn’t suffer just because you didn’t grab the money in your 20s although with hindsight, maybe you should have done.

Oh stop being so obtuse. You know damn well what's wrong when parents set money aside for each child and then try to withhold one child's share or give it to one of the others.

You aren't clever or morally superior with this disingenuous rubbish and you aren't fooling anyone.

By letting him have your share, YOU are prioritising HIM over you, your H and YOUR CHILDREN - why would a mum do that!

It is utterly irrelevant that YOU believe that no child should receive money from their parents.

The Ops parents do believe they should be able to give out money.
They just believe that one child is less deserving than the others.

That is inequitable.

Ask for your share. Then say you and your sister will decide what amount they are both willing to give to your brother from your equal pot. Point out brother has not worked for 2 years, so your pot is to enable you to have the same choices as your brother. They can choose to change their will and give it all to their favourite child if they wish. Or he can get a job.

Or they think that one needs more financial support than the others.

Glad you're going to talk to your parents and tell them about your situation

Your 'golden child' DB should Not get your money. He has options which he and your parents will know about. He should get a job, that would show maturity than getting your share.

You don't have to give them any reasons.
Say you want what everyone got and you want it now thanks.
You don't need to defend your answer with anything.
It might help your parents say no to him too if you can take a firm stand.
Don't stand for this.
You could lend your brother some money at a low interest rate...if you trusted him.

"Or they think that one needs more financial support than the others."

Despite having 50% of his financial gift left and refusing to get a job. Poor lamb.

Yes. Because he still needs financial support. It doesn’t mean they love him more.

Good luck op, you can do this.

The parents are entitled to spend their money now they see fit, but not free from consequence. It may very well appear to them that the brother is more deserving, but giving him more now means breaking a promise to one of their other children. They need to take responsibility for the consequences of making that decision, which surely all sides can see is quite controversial given the background to why the brother is where he is and his refusal to find work.

However, the parents have been cowardly and decided to try and make the disadvantaged sibling make that decision for them. Said sibling (OP) is faced with either losing out or appearing to be the blocker on her parents helping her brother - that's a choice between two buckets of shit.

Exactly cheating bar stool give him nothing more than hes already due tell him to get a job.

Why not free from consequence? It has never been the OP’s money. It has always been theirs to do what they think is best.

Well yeah it’s not that OP just randomly thinks she’s entitled to or owed money by her parents. It’s that her parents themselves have set up and communicated a system where they all get an equal amount at a pre-arranged time, and then chopped and changed as a result of pressure from one of their kids, who wants things changed to favour him.

I‘s the underlying dynamics, the bad communication, the saying one thing then doing another, the making OP responsible for saying no (so they don’t fall out of favour with the demanding one of the kids), it’s those things that are an issue as much or more so than the money.

It breaks trust.

If the money was needed for some sort of life saving treatment, ok, but otherwise it’s just sidelining one in favour of another and creating all sorts of issues between family members.

I would send a text (easier not to back down than in person). Your biggest mistake was not claiming yours at the same time as your sister did (a bird in the hand and all that) so you should say you need all of it right now.

They made a promise to their children and have already provide the other siblings with at least part of the money. Do you believe that breaking promises has no consequences? Are you a politician?

If you agree toa smaller inheritance, you'll be, in effect, subsidising your brother single-handedly at the expense of your family. Is this fair to your own family?

It sounds like your parents are quite well off. If they're so concerned about your brother, they should consider giving him some money and leaving less to charity, don't you think?

No. Just no. He doesn't deserve a penny more. Don't get guilted into anything.

Because you don't get to hurt someone free from consequences. If you play favourites and treat your children unequally and inequitably then you get to deal with the obvious damage you've inflicted on your realtionship with the kid you've purposefully screwed over.

Easy peasy.

That’s not the OP’s problem though, is it? If he wanted to earn money he could get a job in the morning. Instead he wants to leach off his parents knowing that it would disadvantage his sister. His entitlement is breathtaking.

Tell them that you're so relieved that you're allowed to say no to their suggestion that they reduce your share becasue you have spent TWO decades working hard and looking forward to this.

good luck. What they want to do wouldn't be fair and you're not unreasonable to be upset that they think it's ok

Only if your children are stuck in a perpetual state of childhood. Since they’re all adults, you’d think it’d be easier to have a conversation about money, instead of all the food stamping about ‘fairness’.

Mkay, there's no reasoning with you. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I'm out. Enjoy your high horse.