Bf with adult children; feel like a mistress

[Livelifelaughter]

Bf and I are in early 50s and dating 5 months, see each other 3 X a week. My mother died in Oct, so first Christmas without her. He has been separated for 2.5 years from his wife. He has 2 children. He hasn't told them he is in a relationship because the eldest (24) has told him she doesn't want to know about that side of his life and flipped out when told about a previous relationship, he says he can't deal with that again, the younger aged 22 would be fine though. The children are spending from Christmas Eve to 27 with him as their mother has gone abroad and it will be the first time the children have Christmas without her. Both children have boyfriend's. He has called me on Christmas Eve and Christmas day while the children weren't there ; one day they had gone to the shops and yesterday while he took the bins out. Barely a message in between and I can't call him as his children are there. I feel a bit crap to be honest. I am trying to see it from his perspective in that he is thrilled to be with his children but I feel neglected and sad and really like his mistress rather than his girlfriend. AIBU?

Livelifelaughter,
The daughter is setting her boundaries. He functions within the parameters of his boundaries as do you.
She has stated her unwillingness to engage in discussions about his romantic relationships. That is not a situation that is personal to you. It would seem that he might have had at least 3 such relationships in a 2.5 year period.

His daughter may just be weary of such discussions. Her thoughts may be that he is free to have as many relationships as makes him happy , but she is unwilling to have relationships discussions with him whenever he changes partners.

He can be a partner without ever involving any unwilling adult children or extended family members. A person who has cheated is experienced in compartmentalizing and keeping relationships separate and even secret. She may just be expecting him to continue to do what he has done so well in the past.

That's interesting. I suppose Christmas is unique in that it's probably the only time when these things really come to the fore.

This is also a 24 year who has her own boyfriend around, gets an allowance - and is given the use of her father's flat while he stays at mine so while I accept she will have suffered by the breakdown of her parents marriage it also works well for her to set boundaries just so she can't show her indignation.

See your last comment just makes you sound bitter and resentful.

Livelifelaughter,

She may not be suffering as much from the breakdown of her parents marriage as from the number and duration of her father's relationships in just the past 2.5 years. She may be weary of the need to learn new people with new expectations, etc.

She is not asking her father not to have relationships; she is asking not to be told about them. There is a significant difference between the two situations.

She is not stopping him from being involved with you. She is only stopping him from trying to engage or inform her about your relationship.