To expect dp to get a vacestomy in 20s.

[Justmegan]

Just that really. Me and dp already have 1dc. Dp 27 I'm 25. Thing is I had a traumatic birth. Me and dps compatability means that we have quite large children together, dc got stuck heart rate dropped... you get the picture. I've been told if I get pregnant to expect that again.

Needless to say we have been crapping ourselves about me getting pregnant Again. Not only because of the birth but the pregnancy was horrible on my body and I really suffered being under 5 ft! I can't and won't take any hormonal contraception as the side effects don't agree with my polosystic ovaries. Dp and me both don't like condoms and I can't feel anything and neither can he. Call it childish but with any feeling there ( we have tried different condom types) it's like humping a wall. I can't tell he isn't in to it and it kills the mood. So we have been avoiding sex.

My thing is that we are engaged and dp says he wants to be married to me. We live together and are a happy family. So it's it unreasonable to expect him to get a (if needs be reversible) vasectomy. He keeps saying he doesn't want to inflict more trauma or a hard pregnancy on me but does nothing about it. He also seems quite happy in our abstinence which is weird to me giving how young we are. I understand because we are so young things can change but at the moment I feel like just letting our sex life turn into non existent for 2 years isn't the answer either. So aibu to ask this?

Not of being infertile of the procedure

Then don’t have sex. Oh wait you’re not happy with that either ffs. Because your scared he will leave.

I feel sorry for this man and that doesn’t happen often.

No we think you specifically as a couple are going to break up because you have said you would be happy to never have sex with this man again, he apparently feels the same about you, you are 25 and want him to get a vasectomy to prevent him seeking out other partners in the future, you have just had a conversation with him where you have suggested splitting up… there’s quite a long list of red flags there.

You are being so unreasonable op. He is 27, why would he want a vasectomy at that age? Every other option you are finding an excuse for and putting it all on him getting a vasectomy, which just isn't fair at all.

@OhmygodDont oh yes he is so hard done by because I'm depriving him of sex. Never mind at least he didn't go through pregnancy and birth and now having to try and sort something out so our relationship doesn't end all because of sex. Poor him.

I don’t feel sorry for him because of no sex lmao. I feel sorry for him for his poor life choices.

His clearly happy to never sleep with you again anyway. It’s you who’s pissy about that.

And don't get me started on going through the abortions I had go through because he didn't want to be a dad. Give him all the sympathy he clearly deserves.

@OhmygodDont maybe he is now. I'm sure his patience won't last. Whether he wants sex with me or someone else it will come about soon enough

Why the fuck are you marrying this man?

Ask the billy goats I reckon. 😂

And I'm not pissy about the lack of sex. I'm pissy about the fact that without sex it seems to give men a green light to more than likely cheat or walk away. And as a woman AGAIN another thing is now my responsibility

Didn't. Hence unplanned dc

This was in reply to the question about what you did for contraception before having DC, so if you mean you didn't do anything I'm confused ... if that's the case how do you know various different methods don't work for you?

Gosh you sound hard work OP!

@Bluevases hard work for wanting my equal partner to take up equal responsibility in some way shape of form! Not really

I mean from the sounds on him on those posts it you do you a favour if he cheated and left ffs.

Split up seriously. Nothing good will come of staying together. The distain and hate to him keeping his tubes intact oozes though the pages.

It is keyhole, daycase surgery. Just like a vasectomy.

And your reason upthread was that it was “too permanent and hard to reverse”. Again, like a vasectomy.

OP, your options are sterilisation, contraception (hormonal or non-hormonal), no sex, or continue having unprotected sex and have another unplanned pregnancy. Those will be the same options in any relationship you have, with him or anyone else.

Unless you plan to only date men with vasectomies, which I suppose is an option but is likely to limit your dating pool to divorced men in their 40s and 50s.

He wanted me to abort but I didn't.

So you forced him into fatherhood.
Now you want to force life changing surgery on him.
It sounds like you are emotionally blackmailing him, again.

He may be desperate to stay with you because he wants to be a good father to his child, and you might make that difficult if he separates from you.

I think you should show him this thread. He is in a coercive controlling relationship and needs advice and support from people other than you.

@Stravaig LORD haha! I didn't force him into father hood I kept the baby and he could of happily walked away. He didn't. He CHOSE to stay.

Get off it. I was just waiting for someone like you to come along. You don't look like a cool wife for kissing men's arses.

It’s been 17 pages, poor OP can’t be expected to keep her story straight.

Thread isn’t going her way, so now he is abusive and forced her to have multiple abortions.

Or because you aren’t using contraception. If you aren’t using contraception you’re going to have unwanted pregnancy.

@Changechangychange just because you changey change up your stories all the time doesn't mean I do love. My abortions are no one's business and I hoped to not me tion it as I find it hard enough to talk about irl. But if its relevant then I will.

@Miss03852 the pregnancy wasn't unwanted by me. It wasn't planned but it wasn't unwanted. I was ready to keep it.

You didn't have to go through them. You weighed up the options available to you and chose to go through them. Don't blame him for the decisions you you made.

@Justmegan He's not hard done by because you're depriving him of sex. He's hard done by because you're expecting him to have a vasectomy, preventing him from future children because YOU don't want anymore!

You are discounting every single option available to you, including abstinence even though he's apparently happy to abstain instead of going for a vasectomy.
Why are you so convinced he'll go elsewhere at some point...?

If you're both happy with a sexless marriage then all your problems are solved. No sex, no babies, no operations required, no potential big baby, no potential emcs.....