To expect dp to get a vacestomy in 20s.

[Justmegan]

Just that really. Me and dp already have 1dc. Dp 27 I'm 25. Thing is I had a traumatic birth. Me and dps compatability means that we have quite large children together, dc got stuck heart rate dropped... you get the picture. I've been told if I get pregnant to expect that again.

Needless to say we have been crapping ourselves about me getting pregnant Again. Not only because of the birth but the pregnancy was horrible on my body and I really suffered being under 5 ft! I can't and won't take any hormonal contraception as the side effects don't agree with my polosystic ovaries. Dp and me both don't like condoms and I can't feel anything and neither can he. Call it childish but with any feeling there ( we have tried different condom types) it's like humping a wall. I can't tell he isn't in to it and it kills the mood. So we have been avoiding sex.

My thing is that we are engaged and dp says he wants to be married to me. We live together and are a happy family. So it's it unreasonable to expect him to get a (if needs be reversible) vasectomy. He keeps saying he doesn't want to inflict more trauma or a hard pregnancy on me but does nothing about it. He also seems quite happy in our abstinence which is weird to me giving how young we are. I understand because we are so young things can change but at the moment I feel like just letting our sex life turn into non existent for 2 years isn't the answer either. So aibu to ask this?

Your DP will likely not be given a vasectomy due to his age and rightly so. I can't believe how flippant you're being regarding it. It's not something to have done with the thought that it can be reversed later if needed. It's supposed to be permanent and reversals often don't work anyway.

Your reasons for not trying a Mirena are also strange. Because one person had a bad experience you don't want to try?

Basically you just want everything your way

You can't expect him to have a vasectomy, if you don't like condoms and don't want another pregnancy then don't have sex.

Bloody hell, YABVU op.

@GooglyEyeballs because of my pcos I can't track or do family planning. My periods sometimes can be a month or two late

@Puzzledandpissedoff didn't. Hence unplanned dc.

Doesn't sound like you'd be that worried about becoming infertile though? So not really an issue for you? It's also an unbelievably rare complication.

There’s femidom, which doesn’t kill the mood. Merina coil is bloody amazing. I bet your local family planning can tell you more about caps, gels, mini pills and depo injections etc than any of us mumsnetters.
do you want more children…ever?

Talk to a health care professional.

It's sick! It's like gelding a farm animal! Like others have said imagine the fall out on here if this was a man saying he wanted to get his young wife sterilised !

Basically op the problem is you to be blunt. You won’t use this or use that. Don’t want anymore children but don’t want your tubes done. His happy with no shed you worry he will leave.

It’s your problem genuinely.

Sex not shed obviously

YABU. Vasectomy isn't always reversible and what if things and between you two and he starts a new relationship and wants kids?

Just spoken to dp which ended up with us both crying.

Problem is its not like I'm hellbent that I want him to get sterilised, I just don't want to be pregnant again. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone. But at the same time I can't have a sex life with him when there is a risk there. He understands my point as do I for his. It seems like the only option is to end it but dp is adamant we will work something out and refuses to even see breaking up as an option.

Which may seem stupid to most of you because you have all deemed statistically that we are already doomed because young relationships and marriages apparently don't last!

No, it seems less likely that you will last, as statistically lots of relationships don't, and you seem to have mega-issues which would cause problems in any relationship.

Good luck with your break-up, and subsequently finding someone who doesn't mind having a vasectomy!

So you’d rather be single than have the non hormonal coil, use spermicide and a cap or get your tubes tied.

weird but ok. Good luck finding a man who in his 20’s is done having children or who doesn’t want any and is willing to take on a step child.

@QS90 I just said we arent breaking up. Unless your insinuating we are going to

@OhmygodDont there are plenty men my age that don't want children. It's becoming more common. Dp was one of them. He wanted me to abort but I didn't.

The only person's fertility you should be controlling is your own!! FFS.

But you now come with a child is my point. Your going to be looking for a man who doesn’t want children to the extent his been snipped but would be willing to take on yours if you where to become single and dating.

Get your tubes tied

My sibling doesn’t want children so him and his gf make sure she doesn’t need an abortion. You sound very away with the fairy’s about your own fertility and want a man to take control of it yet take no control yourself.

@AnuSTart I'm not trying to control anything. If there was male contraception pills this wouldn't even be a topic. But there isn't. And if we don't get on with condoms and my body doesn't take to hormonal contraception then there aren't many options left. It's not all up to me. Men should be responsible too.

OP says that’s too permanent for her, she might want more children in the future. Just not with him

@Changechangychange too invasive. I'm too scared.