He just went and lay on the sofa after Christmas dinner

[Shakybumtoyforchristmas]

I’ve spent weeks organising Christmas, planned everything, bought and wrapped all of Dds presents, done all the food planning & shopping. I organised all outings and all of Christmas Eve, made through Christmas Eve meal, made Christmas breakfast today and Christmas lunch/dinner. It’s only 3 of us this year, Dh, myself and Dd, 4.
He got up and down during the meal, let Dd pull crackers throughout (I’ve always waited until after the meal) then finished his dessert and went and lay on the sofa saying he was stuffed and exhausted.
I pulled the rest of the crackers sat at the table with Dd, then cleared all the table, cleaned it and swept underneath and did all the washing up and putting away.
Aibu to feel that he’s just a cf and i’m
not appreciated at all?
The main thing he did was the setting out of presents last night, letter from Santa and footprints etc. The dishes from the meal I made last night for Christmas Eve were left out, I had to ask him to please do them.

You need to chill. Crackers are done first to stop kids exploding. Make xmas eve a takeaway, breakfast should be chocolate from stocking and leave all the dishes after Xmas Dinner and put feet up for a bit, snuggle and watch xmas movie - you can clean up later

What happened last year?

Nah that's out of order and I would be so pissed off.
My dh helped make breakfast , he made the roast potatoes and served the kids and he washed up after. (The bits that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher)

I've got a teenage dc and another tween so they muck in and help clear the table and dry the dishes and put away too.

After that he did go to lay down and nap and I went for a half hour walk to get some fresh air and my steps in.

Also we did the crackers while waiting for the last bite to come out of the oven, and then you wear the hat to dinner right ?! Not from the culture but enjoy our Christmas Day just as much as the next family

There is being lazy and not doing the basics ever

And not meeting someone's 'it has to be done this way'

Why do the crackers matter? We open them at beginning usually but just whenever people want

We each have jobs and they get done when they get done, if one of us plans something extra it because we choose too.

Maybe relax more? If it doesn't get done it doesn't get done

This.

We had lunch at 2.45 I cleared the kitchen at 6pm before making an evening snack. In between, I was relaxing on a sofa watching old romcoms and generally being lazy. If you can't be lazy at Christmas, then when?

I think you and he have different ideas of how Christmas should be, that's all.

Unless you're a Christian, "Christmas" Is just presents and a meal with your family. Nothing more. There are only 3 of you, one of which is an infant. You have put incredible pressure on yourself no reason at all and need to ask yourself why? Not for your husband, who, as long as he is fed probably doesn't care, and not for your kid who is only 4 and will just be happy to be with you and have a few bits to open! The rest of it is just crap that you feel you have to do for some reason, have taken upon yourself to conform to.

The cracker discussion has made me laugh.

I am a single parent of two early/mid secondary.

I put out three crackers, we pulled them when we sat down, my daughter then spotted the box, reached for another 3… and we did them as I was serving, then half way through, my son offered one up to my daughter, the pulled it. At the end of the meal when we were just sitting back and chatting, we did another round of crackers.
we love the riddles!

Some of you mumsnetters, OP included, would have had smoke coming out of your ears.

So happy that as a single parent, I don’t put up with any of this kind of nonsense. Happier still that my children don’t have to endure it either.

You can save some of the crackers to next year you know!

We pull all the Christmas crackers before dinner!

Then hat wearing for the actual eating part, playing/making the toy & telling rubbish jokes

I'd say it's definitely ok to pull crackers right at the start of the meal

It's still mad. The whole point of the hats in crackers is that you wear them during the meal.

You should have left the clearing up for your husband to do later. If he needs prompting, in our house it would have involved some fairly pointed questions around why he expects other people to be his servants.

Honestly it boggles my mind that half of MN apparently don't allocate chores in advance.

DP is the cook in our household so I clean up - this is a basic division that shouldn't need a conversation. It doesn't matter whether I clean up immediately or after a rest or even the next day (if it was a dinner party). On the rare occasion I cook, DP cleans up.

If the OP's husband didn't assume he'd be cleaning up then words need to be had about fundamental division of labour. As the cook, OP shouldn't have lifted a finger to wash up - but neither should she have got into a tizzy about whether it was done immediately.

Divvy up the chores beforehand and let the other person crack on with their ones in their own time and manner. End.

@Ursuladevine awww did Santa not bring what you’d asked for? Can’t think of any other reason that you would feel the need to be so arsey with @Shakybumtoyforchristmas. Try to be kinder and you might get on the Nice List next year! 😉

This would have annoyed me too @Shakybumtoyforchristmas My weekend was going along the same route as yours until DH pulled it back by thanking me for sorting all of Christmas and then did the washing up. It’s just common courtesy really… and not something you should have to ask!

My weekend was going along the same route as yours until DH pulled it back by thanking me for sorting all of Christmas and then did the washing up.

phew! Sounds like it could have got…. Tense around @MrsRonaldWeasley !!

I can see this a little from both sides.

It does sound like he was unhelpful, and you had the lions share of the food prep, meal, etc, which yes, he should have offered help with and I can understand you feelinf annoyed..

That said, would he have helped at all if you had left it a while while you all digested and relaxed after the big meal? As it was just the 3 of you, I'm.guessing the dishes and everything weren't that huge, therefore could have been left until later?

I say this from the perspective of someone with a family member who insists on everything like dishes after a meal being done immediately and she can't relax until the house (esp the kitchen is spotless). It is annoying and quite wearing and especially on Christmas Day, I wish she'd relax a bit.

Why on earth would you pile so much martyrdom on yourself??

Why must the dishes etc all be done to timetable?

And why can't a child pull crackers during dinner?

Do a list of things to do next time. Give him half of them.

If they happen, great.

If they don't - let it go.

Haha @Ursuladevine you are so right, it could have! Thank you so much for your empathy 😉

She shouldn't have to.

For your family! 😅

You are so lovely @Ursuladevine. Merry Christmas 🎄

And the same to you and your family 💐

She shouldn’t but apparently in this case she must.

Stewing I’m silence doesn’t make anything better.

*in silence