He just went and lay on the sofa after Christmas dinner

[Shakybumtoyforchristmas]

I’ve spent weeks organising Christmas, planned everything, bought and wrapped all of Dds presents, done all the food planning & shopping. I organised all outings and all of Christmas Eve, made through Christmas Eve meal, made Christmas breakfast today and Christmas lunch/dinner. It’s only 3 of us this year, Dh, myself and Dd, 4.
He got up and down during the meal, let Dd pull crackers throughout (I’ve always waited until after the meal) then finished his dessert and went and lay on the sofa saying he was stuffed and exhausted.
I pulled the rest of the crackers sat at the table with Dd, then cleared all the table, cleaned it and swept underneath and did all the washing up and putting away.
Aibu to feel that he’s just a cf and i’m
not appreciated at all?
The main thing he did was the setting out of presents last night, letter from Santa and footprints etc. The dishes from the meal I made last night for Christmas Eve were left out, I had to ask him to please do them.

My DH only does stuff if I ask him to. Then I ask him to and everyone tells me I am being a nag. He literally wouldn’t do it if I didn’t ask, I’m not talking about it being on my schedule, I’m talking about at all.

Gets on my last nerve tbh. He actually does it more when our parents are here as they all see my role as “home maker” (in spite of working FT and being the breadwinner) which makes my nagging a jovial high point.

I voted YANBU because going straight from eating Christmas dinner to clearing up the kitchen whilst moaning other people sitting down after their meal is super martyr-ish.

It would be unreasonable of him if he didn't do any of the dishes after you put the effort into the meal, but being annoyed he hasn't jumped up to do the pots because you've chosen to prioritise over letting the meal settle is unreasonable.

Do you only help because your husband makes you?

When your DH went to lie down on the sofa why didn't you sit down too and relax with your DD? Like other posters above I'm wondering WHY you did all the cleaning right then? There's no rule saying everything has to be cleaned straight after the Christmas dinner, who cares if the dishes are left for hours and hours, it's Christmas! Then you could have mentioned later in the day, after you had all had a rest, that you expected him to wash up since you had cooked. Despite your denial you are being a martyr!

I hope the rest of the day is going well and you're enjoying your Christmas, merry Christmas 🎄

If you are married to do do-nothing, and for whatever reason you want that to continue, you'll need to think about exactly how much work you want to put into Christmas. Only do what you are happy to do, bin the rest. Tell him ahead of time what will be required.

In all honesty, there are crumbs under our table from breakfast. It's Christmas. We build up to this for ages. We'd rather watch the little ones playing with their toys and try to find something half-good to watch on TV than clean. I'll sweep up once I can get off the sofa.

Crackers are for during the meal!

He’s not great though choice though. He could get Gousto/Hello Fresh & try.

I would be nudging his lazy arse and giving him jobs.

There are aloof useless men but sadly just as many women prepared to indulge it, like OP.

I cannot fathom why for example two people become a couple and she immediately starts to do all his washing and ironing. I have been with Adam almost twenty years and I have so far never felt inclined to take on his washing as well as mine.

Im still on sofa lazing about after a good meal. I've no intention of getting up either. Washing up and clearing up etc will get done much later on and it doesn't matter who does it

You've martyred yourself into a tizz. More fool you

Not Adam, DH. Strange autocorrect.

Erm I've never done crackers as I don't celebrate Christmas but isn't it one cracker per person? And best puller wins the prize?

If it's just you, "D"H and DD there'd only be 3 crackers? Sorry if I'm not understanding, it's not my religious festival.

I used to be you OP..I'm the husband. Running around screaming, cleaning toilets, worrying about biscuits, trying to match wines, scrubbing floors, cursing in supermarket. I thought my wife was a selfish bitch. But hey! It was me! I came from a crazily dysfunctional family where survival meant being busy, being performative. It took me years of therapy to work out that I was very very affected by my childhood. I have just had probably my best Christmas ever. I didn't cry. I followed my wife's lead and chilled out and didnt impose my expectations. There's two dishwasher loads of dishes in the kitchen. I'm on the couch, the dog passed out beside me! My wife has gone for a nap. My kids are reading books, happy, healthy and well. We are blessed. Life is for living. Christmas is for relaxing. Find out why you are so wound up and bought into perfection and your life will change.

That’s what Christmas is all about. It doesn’t mean you have to do everything. Just let it rest. If he doesn’t take the initiative eventually then you can be mad but it sounds like he’s focusing on the kids which is what it’s about

Sorry OP, I’m with your partner. After Xmas dinner all I can do is slob around and digest for a bit.

The dishes come later.

Maybe if you’d spoken to him about the clearing up he would have said he would do it later? or you could have said “please can you clear up later”. He couldn’t exactly say “no” if you’d done all the cooking.

We crashed out on the sofa straight after dinner and were asleep within half an hour. I thought that was the law!

Kitchen will get done later, it won't self destruct if not spotless within an hour of eating!

It doesn't matter about religion. If there's 6 in a box you may as well pull them all. They generally have little toys and jokes in them.

Yabu, stop being such a martyr, just speak to your ‘D’H and ask him to help out, or leave the dishes until later/tomorrow. Assuming there can’t be very much of it’s just the three of you.

Are you my sister?

She is an absolute control freak and as narcissistic as they come.
She massively damaged my
me health and so I have been no contact with her for the past few years.

Seriously… you usually make your daughter “ wait “ until she has finished her meal before you allow her to pull her Christmas cracker ?!
Isn’t the point of a cracker for fun? To wear the hat during Christmas dinner, read out the joke inside to the rest of the people at the table and to see what the present is inside the cracker ?

Give your head a wobble OP and for goodness sake… relax. It’s Christmas!!!

If you pulled crackers at the end of the meal, when did you then wear the paper hats? That's quite odd.

Wow there's a bit of projection. your sister seems well rid of you.

Op is a narcissist because she parents her child.

Yes you lay the table with one cracker at each place setting. But you can’t usually buy crackers in boxes of three, so if you have a box of six you might as well have two each. It would be a bit strange to buy a massive box of crackers for three people such that they were pulling multiple crackers throughout. I’d be a smaller higher quality box and yes they are definitely pulled before you start the meal, everybody puts hats on and reads the jokes out,

You know nothing about me and absolutely nothing about my nasty sister so are not in any position to pass opinion like that.

I never said op was a narcissistic person but she appears very controlling and op’s post reminded me of my own sister.
I just said she needs to relax if you read my post. It is Christmas Day for goodness sake.

What’s with the not pulling crackers during dinner? This is supposed to be fun!

I would have left it... relax. Clean up tomorrow.

Stop doing it then. Don't do everything and then feel sad you're not appreciated. Next year get him to sort Christmas Eve dinner and breakfast (but you have to accept he will do it differently from you.) And as PP have said = have a break after dinner before telling him you cooked, he's washing up.