He just went and lay on the sofa after Christmas dinner

[Shakybumtoyforchristmas]

I’ve spent weeks organising Christmas, planned everything, bought and wrapped all of Dds presents, done all the food planning & shopping. I organised all outings and all of Christmas Eve, made through Christmas Eve meal, made Christmas breakfast today and Christmas lunch/dinner. It’s only 3 of us this year, Dh, myself and Dd, 4.
He got up and down during the meal, let Dd pull crackers throughout (I’ve always waited until after the meal) then finished his dessert and went and lay on the sofa saying he was stuffed and exhausted.
I pulled the rest of the crackers sat at the table with Dd, then cleared all the table, cleaned it and swept underneath and did all the washing up and putting away.
Aibu to feel that he’s just a cf and i’m
not appreciated at all?
The main thing he did was the setting out of presents last night, letter from Santa and footprints etc. The dishes from the meal I made last night for Christmas Eve were left out, I had to ask him to please do them.

Never heard of crackers after Xmas dinner either! Surely you do them right at the start and then wear your hat for the meal?

Christmas martyrs. 🙄

How did last Christmas go?

Sorry but letting a kid pull crackers and lying down after a huge meal are both normal.

Not helping you is something else but it's coming off like you're looking for things to get annoyed about now and it is Christmas Day. Pour yourself another drink, don't look at the dishes and ignore the mess.

Sounds like the five month run up to a twenty minute glorified Sunday dinner was too much for him

YABU for keeping crackers until after the meal? That's mad. They're done first, hats on, empty shells cleared off the table.

With regards all the other stuff, have you asked him to do any of it, or just quietly seethed while he hasn't?

Ok maybe I’ve not got it right about the crackers, just felt a bit shit I suppose, he was just up and down throughout the meal
and not really arsed about it.
I’m honestly not a martyr type but it did piss me off to not have him help at all
Oh well..next year, things will be different, was lovely up until then

You shouldn’t need to ask an adult to help but you appear to be with a man child. Spell it out to him and let him know that he can prep and put away any evening food and can sort tomorrows lunch or whatever meal.

You are BVU about the crackers though! You pull at the start of the meal so everyone wears their hat for the duration!

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen 😅I honestly think I grew up doing crackers at the end 🤷🏻‍♀️So it’s embedded in my memory

@Lost123454 Eh?

Wow that's awful, how old does he think he is ?13 . He doesn't respect you and does not appreciate what you do/did for the family . I'm so sorry I would be looking at whether this is what I need for life.😥

Now he’s asleep 🙈but, I want to sleep

Stop sulking and go and enjoy Xmas. No need to do the dishes instantly after eating, it's not the army, you won't have a kitchen inspection. Relax

Alot of these are always like "Men should do more" when in reality women should just do less and stop fussing over things that don't need to be fussed about.

Snark off. So miserable and rude.

Wake him up. Tell him you've done all the work today and it's his turn to be in charge and go for a nap.

Why do people spend weeks getting ready for one day ?
Surely crackers are at the beginning of the meal ? Then you wear your hat.

So what's stopping you putting on a Christmas film for DD and curling up and dozing in front of the TV for a bit?

All families have their traditions OP but yours were clearly wrong on this one 😉.

All sit down, plates filled, ready to eat and then someone shouts ‘crackers!’ and everyone crosses arms and pulls! Hats on for the meal*, jokes read between mouthfuls and shit presents exclaimed over! T’is the Christmas Law!

*bonus points to the chef (me) for wearing it as a ‘hairband’, keeping the fringe off one’s sweaty red face. Extra bonus points for teaming with an apron too.

I'm voting URBU for making everyone wait until after the meal to pull the crackers. Who does that? The whole point is to do them first so you can wear the hats through the meal & chat reading the jokes.

Grab some blankets, some chocolate and your DD and snuggle up in front of a film

its not a competition

I’m honestly not a martyr type - errrr, yes you are...

I cleaned a bit as I went along but it’s an unwritten rule my DH cleans up. I went for a lay down while he cleaned and watch the kids after dinner.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to expect another adult to pull their weight without being told how to be an adult. If your DH doesn’t understand then you may have to spend a few years saying what you want “I’m cooking so you’re cleaning up” then it will be become an unwritten rule / expectation over time.

To be fair OP, you should have left the washing up and said "let's go and snuggle up with daddy". Unwind!

I'm so glad you posted, OP, cos I've just clarified with DH that he will be loading the dishwasher and clearing up after the meal (which is still cooking!). We do our crackers at the end, and then sit there eating chocolates etc. until we're too full to move. Once we get to that point today, I fully intend to take up residence on the sofa with a large brandy, and fall asleep until the clearing up has been done. Merry Christmas all!