He just went and lay on the sofa after Christmas dinner

[Shakybumtoyforchristmas]

I’ve spent weeks organising Christmas, planned everything, bought and wrapped all of Dds presents, done all the food planning & shopping. I organised all outings and all of Christmas Eve, made through Christmas Eve meal, made Christmas breakfast today and Christmas lunch/dinner. It’s only 3 of us this year, Dh, myself and Dd, 4.
He got up and down during the meal, let Dd pull crackers throughout (I’ve always waited until after the meal) then finished his dessert and went and lay on the sofa saying he was stuffed and exhausted.
I pulled the rest of the crackers sat at the table with Dd, then cleared all the table, cleaned it and swept underneath and did all the washing up and putting away.
Aibu to feel that he’s just a cf and i’m
not appreciated at all?
The main thing he did was the setting out of presents last night, letter from Santa and footprints etc. The dishes from the meal I made last night for Christmas Eve were left out, I had to ask him to please do them.

It is because he is not a participant in the preparations, you've done it all so he merely sees himself as an observer. Next year, you need to give him a list and leave him to it. If it's not booked or bought then you don't step in to fix it, you need to let him own his incompetence.

Stop being the martyr and the fixer, step away and take more of a back seat.

We’re all slumped in the sofa atm, the kitchen is a state, there’s cracker bits all over the table.

It’ll get done though. Just later. I’m so over the pressure of Christmas this year.

I like to organise things, however I let DH know what jobs are his - I want to enjoy myself, so I avoid any martyrdom.

Did you do literally nothing while your husband made Christmas?

Because I think I'd have a bit more pep if so and probably capable of washing dishes if the most taxing thing I'd done all day was eat lunch.

I'm surprised by how many people find eating their dinner such an arduous task. Is it because no one on MN admits to eating anything more than fresh air most of the time?

Omg what is all this talk of giving him lists and 'letting' him do stuff? He's an adult man!

I do everything, just know it wouldn't get done of I didn't. Don't expect thanks, have just always done it

You chose to wash up, you could have gone and sat down too.. you also chose your husband

Also, it's the norm to do crackers with you really. You are odd waiting till after.. you're meant to wear the hat during the meal !

You're meal**

I voted yabu because at any time you could have sat down and got your husband to help. Stop being such a fucking martyr. He behaves this way because you let him.

To be fair, he did do most of the cooking.
Although I wrapped and sorted presents etc in the week

Don't be a martyr, tell him to help. Yes, he's an arse for not offering, but if you say things need doing and he still doesn't help (and I'm not talking about refusing to jump up immediately and do things), then you've got a problem.

I think it is like everything - people will take the piss if you let them. I have always done the tree and the gifts and the wrapping. He does the meal. I now think about who it is all for. I do the gifts and tree for my dd who loves it all. I don't do it for him. Maybe there are things you need to stop doing. He should have helped with the clear up. You should leave it and be clear later that he needs to help with this or you don't cook next time.

Don't be ridiculous, she doesn't let him do anything, he is a grown man capable of thinking for himself not her child

What are people on about? We always do Christmas crackers after dinner in the pause before dessert!
Don't be a martyr. Discuss with him next year what you need doing as he obviously needs it spelt out for him.

Why would you just clear up like a martyr? Sit down with him and then tell him when he’s got his breath back he’s on wash up.

STOP DOING IT ALL!!!!!

But you've let him do that. Make him do his bit.

This.

and as pp have said, he should have a role in the run up too.

you dont buy the gifts for his side do you?

But WHY? Why on earth did you enable all that??

This

Stop
Being a martyr he's capable of helping and you're capable of asking

from now on organize your life so that you don't work for him at all, just do for you and the kids and put his needs out of your mind....like he does yours

Yep.

And the jokes are great for telling during the meal.

The small toys great for exploring between mains and desserts.

I don't think it's great he was up and down or laid down straight after if you hadn't all finished. But I get the impression from here you were making him dance to your tune and he was reacting to that.

Also usually pull crackers after too. It makes sense with kids concentrating on eating and enjoying the meal before playing with toys/jokes.

I cant believe some of the replies on here. Obviously she would have gone for a lie done on the sofa if she thought there was a good chance her Husband would share the work. Sitting down knowing you’ve got to do it all later is no fun and easier to do it straight away. But agree, I would have made it clear he has to do it!