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Is my 7 year old just being honest or is she ungrateful? Maybe it’s me maybe I’m really shit at choosing presents?

265 replies

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:23

My 7 year old DD had the following on her Santa list...

A cuddly koala that talks
Gym equipment so she can do gymnastics at home (obvs can’t have a rope hanging from the ceiling)
Lol stuff
Barbie aeroplane
A history book
Lego set
A see through umbrella
A computer
Photo frames

And few other bits that I couldn’t make make out (sneaky look at letter before it went to Santa because she didn’t want me to see it)

This morning she opened from her list
Cuddly koala that talks
Barbie aeroplane
History book
Lego set
Surprises which were...
Playdoh set
Arts and crafts set (new pens, ribbons etc)
A lovely fluffy lockable box to put her special things in
Barbie doll for the aeroplane
Polly pocket set
Sink n sand game (she’d said she wanted this)
Couple of new clothes

She’s just told me she doesn’t like most of her presents and this year isn’t as good as last year.

Shes told me she isn’t that keen on the Barbie aeroplane now, Santa got the wrong history book (it’s an age appropriate lift the flaps Usbourne book), she never wanted polly pockets (already has some and asked for more about a month ago), doesn’t like the crafts set....

Aibu for thinking I’m shit at choosing presents or do I have an ungrateful child? I need perspective.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

759 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
FunctionalSkills · 25/12/2022 12:20

That's a really good point actually - the "big" presents she wanted were a computer and gym stuff which she didn't get so I guess understandable on a basic level to be a bit disappointed. Doesn't mean she won't like her polly pocket and playdoh but I can see that's not the same.

Jifmicroliquid · 25/12/2022 12:20

I was always taught to be grateful for gifts at Christmas, even if they weren’t what I wanted. I watch my friends children fling presents across the room that they ‘don’t like’ and after buying them a big pile each last year, it was quite an eye opener to see them have strops when things weren’t exactly what they would have chosen. My mum would have wiped the floor with me if I had behaved like that, even from a very early age. 7 is old enough to understand to be respectful, sorry.

I would let it go today, but I would make a point of sitting down and having a chat with her this week about being grateful for gifts and that you can hurt peoples (Santas!) feelings.

Ameadowwalk · 25/12/2022 12:21

Maybe she is just annoyed she asked for a see through umbrella and her sister got one? That’s a bit strange.
I think the suggestion of changing the book is a good one.
That apart, yes, Santa does a couple of gifts and the rest is from you. Less room for error and waste and then open discussions about how much money is available and what they want.

Emmelina · 25/12/2022 12:22

She got everything she asked for, maybe her expectations were higher.

I remember begging and begging for the Barbie jeep when I was a kid and being so disappointed with how boring it actually was compared with the advert!

you’ll need to work on her reactions with her though!

FunctionalSkills · 25/12/2022 12:22

I'm not sure I'd want to teach her to be responsible for someone else's feelings - especially when they don't exist and we've created this expectation!

I think expectations management might be the way forwards until they dont believe in santa. (Assuming they're polite when family give gifts etc)

Wanderingowl · 25/12/2022 12:23

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 11:59

sunflowers She did get things on her list, she also wanted surprises! She wanted a balance beam and a rope hanging from the ceiling as gym equipment, obvs couldn’t get that. And she doesn’t need a computer atm.

Obviously it's too late for this year and may not suit your house depending on where the doors are. But if it's still something she wants in the future, this is pretty great. We've had it 4 years and it's pretty much in daily use.

FunctionalSkills · 25/12/2022 12:23

Emmelina- she didn't get the main things she asked for (which is completely fine, we're not made of money either) bit can explain it a bit.

Endlesslaundry123 · 25/12/2022 12:24

Please please don't shame her for this. She trusts you enough to be honest with you. If you make her feel guilty for being honest, she'll stop telling you hard truths and that will be a very bad thing in her teenage years when she'll likely face lots of hard / shameful things. Thank her for her honesty and tell her "nobody's perfect, not even Santa. Sorry you're disappointed" (everyone has a right to feel disappointed).

Singleandproud · 25/12/2022 12:25

As an aside, do you own your home ie can you make holes in it?Did she want a rope or silks? You can put a hook into a ceiling joist and then attach them when you are supervising he so it is possible if you are happy for her to have them.

Alternatively if you have a garden we had one of those wooden climbing frames that had a rope on the end. Perhaps a family present at Easter when the weather is getting nicer if you have the room. I brought the climbing frame in the sale from Argos I think and DD outgrew it long before its life had ended.

ifoundthebread · 25/12/2022 12:25

I kind of remember feeling the same around that age (before youtube etc) and i think its the year you start losing the magic. Previous years you remember the bigger boxes, the feeling of WOW (because lets be honest younger piles are usually bigger even with lesser gifts as usually bulkier), the toys being more interactive (flashy lights, songs), less of a comparison to friends because we all got the same - bike/scooter/rollerblades etc. I remember having a moment of thinking is this it and it wasnt because the gifts were naff or there wasnt much, but because theres such a hype- decorations for weeks on end, christmas songs in shops/radios in cars, advent calenders, family member/friends asking what you like/want for Christmas, christmas crafts at school and its made out to be an amazing and magical day, and in reality at that age you get through everything in an hour, it takes effort from others to make things more exciting- playing with playdoh for example, lovely to have parents play too but hard for that to happen with siblings and other stuff they need to assemble/cut out of boxes/put batteries in.

Seeingadistance · 25/12/2022 12:27

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/12/2022 11:38

Granted when I was a,kid the dinosaurs were still waltzing around but if I'd have said that to my mum at 7. The toys would have been gone.

Pretty much this.

And this is the problem with Santa bringing all the presents. We got a sock - an ordinary sock, with a few wee things, a tangerine and 50p. That was from Santa. Then from our parents, one big present. One year I got a big art set - box with pens, paints, pencils etc. 50 years on, and I remember that gift!

When I was about 8 I wanted a big doll, which I got, but it wasn't exactly the one I had been yearning for. I expressed my disappointment and my DM sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms how hard she and especially my DF ( a farmer who was outside working when this conversation took place) worked to earn money to provide for us, and most of all, how hurt my DF would be to know that I was upset about the doll. I still have that doll, which I keep deliberately as a reminder of my childish ingratitude.

And the other thing my DM told me that Christmas morning was that when she had complained about a doll's pram she'd received as a child her DM had given it to another family in their village, who couldn't afford to treat their children like that, and my DM then had to watch another little girl pushing that doll's pram around the village.

I know this all sounds very stern and miserable, but so many children are incredibly spoiled and really it does them no favours. The OP's child is old enough to have the concept of gratitude explained to her. My DS had a similar attitude at that age, and we had a chat about it.

supercatlady · 25/12/2022 12:28

I think there’s an age when it just isn’t so magical any more. I remember it with DSC - they tore everything open - barely looked at it. They didn’t actually say they were disappointed though I could sense it.

Puppers · 25/12/2022 12:28

Gosh there are a few bah humbug comments here. The irony of adults telling someone on Christmas morning that their child is “rude” or a “spoiled brat”, as though that’s the height of manners in itself 🤣

OP it's Christmas. If she's anything like mine, she's probably had loads of late nights and the last week has been fever-pitch excitement, routines completely out of whack and wild levels of anticipation of this amazing, magical day. I know as an adult that sometimes Christmas day can feel like an anticlimax, and I imagine that can be far more intensely felt by children. Throw in all the tiredness and overstimulation and it's no surprise that they do things like this. It honestly doesn't matter one bit if other people think these are "excuses"; they're not. They are reasons. They are things that affect children's ability to regulate their mood and there's nothing your daughter has done that isn't entirely normal and age-appropriate. It's not great, it's a bit disappointing for you and it's worth explaining to her (when she's in a receptive mood) why it's rude to say what she said in the way she said it, but honestly I wouldn't blow it up out of proportion like some PP's are doing. Their kids all do stuff that's not brilliant sometimes too 🤷‍♀️

I actually think it's really good that she feels she can be honest and open with you. She needs to learn that there are ways of saying things and that some things are just unnecessary. If she is generally well mannered and considerate then I'd just chalk this down to all the above. Conversely I'd be absolutely horrified if, as per one PP, my "crestfallen" child "plastered a fake smile on his face" and didn't feel able to tell me what was wrong. That's awful and actually made me quite sad to read.

User359472111111 · 25/12/2022 12:32

SapphosRock · 25/12/2022 11:30

Only child?

The pressure of being centre of attention on Christmas morning could be a reason if so.

Your stereotyping shows you up as being inaccurate, judgemental and rude.

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 12:32

Thank you everyone just catching up....

She did get the see through umbrella I forgot to add that.

The talking koala and Barbie plane were the presents she wanted the most.

She was told she wouldn’t get gym equipment and the computer was a complete surprise as had never been mentioned.

Thank you again everyone. I do think I need to review the whole Santa list thing for next year.

OP posts:
MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 12:34

wonderingowl that is brilliant thank you! I will look at these for her birthday.

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 25/12/2022 12:37

You have a spoilt and entitled child who isn't able to enjoy the magic of giving and receiving gifts
You've been instrumental in creating her attitude.

User359472111111 · 25/12/2022 12:38

You are not shit, she is 7 and just at a tricky age where there’s still magic but materialistic ideas have really set in too. We want them to be polite but we also want them to speak their minds. Raising kids is hard. The balance between truth and tact is hard.

I’d say you are doing well.

MarrymeKeanu · 25/12/2022 12:38

On a lighter note now I understand why my mum used to ask me repeatedly “Are you hapoy with your presents?” And tell me “You’ve had so many lovely presents” Obviously trying to gain reassurance that she had chosen well and to ensure I understand I was fortunate to receive presents.

The things you only Understand once you’re an adult and a parent yourself 😊

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 25/12/2022 12:38

I think children are mega excited over FC and all he can bring .The whole build up is OTT now.Lots of presents, have become the norm for many DC.I would just say maybe ,shall we watch a movie /go for a walk /have our lunch.(We often gave presents through the day so they would have something else rather than all together .) I expect later on she will be playing with them again.

Twiglets1 · 25/12/2022 12:39

She’s a bit ungrateful but equally she’s only 7 so a bit too honest too

Ohnotheydidnt · 25/12/2022 12:39

I was watching some BBC archives from the 50s and children were asking santa for

A bike
A pencil sharpener
And a Rupert book!

Did anyone else have the Good Housekeeping magazine this Christmas? They reported in the 1920s (I think it was back then!) that Christmas was too commercialised! 🤣

It's just a shame that kids see advertising everywhere they look.

DS is an only child and has lovely manners most of the time. So that stereotype isn't nice to see. Why do PPs have to be so rude while at the same time commenting on other people's poor manners? A bit hypocritical, isn't it 🤣

Anyway, have a lovely day everyone! X

User359472111111 · 25/12/2022 12:40

We do presents over several days… might be worth trying that, and/or a special treat/experience as part of the gift?

DarkKarmaIlama · 25/12/2022 12:40

I have a 7 year old and I would pull him up for that. She’s being rude and ungrateful.

DelilahBucket · 25/12/2022 12:42

I would actually say she's tired, overwhelmed and not able to articulate how she feels because she's young.
DS told me a few weeks ago he thought Christmas was really disappointing last year, but he's nearly 15 and able to tell me why. It was because he'd built up in his head all the excitement of previous years but because he was older it was different and felt different. It wasn't because of the gifts he received or things we did.

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