MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

[ShittyGlitter]

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

Lol. So true.

OP she sounds nuts. There must be a catalogue of interesting behavior or is she just weird at Christmas.

I'm so pleased that it's been agreed that you will not be going to MIL's.
What a cow, trying to steal your thunder at the last minute, and because that didn't work, she's said she won't come, thus putting your SIL under pressure to visit her tomorrow, instead of being able to relax, unwind, and have a drink at yours if she wants to. Your 'H' (I won't call him DH as he's annoyed me by being so bloody wishy washy about the whole thing) is going to be on tenterhooks all day, wondering if his DM is OK, and your poor kids are going to be disappointed too.
There really is no excuse for this behaviour, even if as one poster said, she is suffering from IBS, she should just have called you, and said she was really sorry but she didn't feel up to travelling tomorrow, because she has an upset tummy.
In fact, if she had done that, I think you'd have been more willing to bend over backwards and take everything there, but this ridiculous demand to change everything at the last minute, was definitely a power play, and I sincerely hope that if she doesn't give in and come to yours at the last minute, that her DH gives her earache all day, because he's missing out on a lovely Christmas dinner, or better still says 'sod you, I'm going even if you aren't, and leaves her to stew in her own juice.

Having got that off my chest, I would like to wish you and your family a lovely Christmas OP, and hope that you are able to enjoy yourselves in spite of MIL.
Grrrrr! Makes my blood boil!

This!

Your OP made her sound a bit quirky but the updates make her sound a bit deranged. I’m afraid I vote for this being deliberate. She tried to get you to do all the work (and cover costs) while she claimed she hosted. You said no, so she has made a fuss and guilted SIL into leaving yours early to go to her for a meal?

What reason has she given for bailing? Mean to do that to DC!

But I agree with PP who questioned FIL’s role in all this. He should stop the nonsense!

Yes I think once she realises no one is pandering to her and she'll be missing out she'll suddenly decide to come. How exhausting

Nope.....nope....nope....nope....

Everyone else can do what they want but it would be a no from me at this stage unless she had it all ready to go but you've already said she doesn't. I am super flexible but this is bizarre and totally selfish. They can choose to come or not but so can you.

She sounds like a complete diva!
She wanted the focus on her and it was and now she's changed her mind again and guess where the focus is again? Yep. On her.

When you do rock up on Boxing Day to the in-laws, be as sweet as pie to get, say you were disappointed they changed their minds last minute and that they were missed ( she'll love that bit as it feeds her ego) but at least now you all know she wants Christmas at hers in 2023 so she's loads of time to plan, buy plates etc., and food for the day.

*sweet as pie to them

Sorry for the typo

Next year I wouldn’t involve them in your plans at all. Bugger another repeat.

Cant believe any of you have even entertained the idea of changing your plans so late- especially after the last debacle.

This!! At least you can plan for next year! The logistics of upping sticks and moving everything an hour or more away is a no-no!!
Planning for next year means you can make sure with the rest of the family that everything is bought in and there are no lack of food issues. We are not home for Christmas or Boxing Day this year - but I have still bought in not only our usual food buys but extra in case a spanner is thrown into the works. Why would someone want to completely change things when they don't even have the backup to enable them to host!?
Thankfully the dust has now settled for you and you can relax until they all turn up tomorrow.

I’m very interested to hear what DHs childhood xmas’s were like?

Say no it’s too late and more bother for you. You get to choose as you are the host that has prepared for tomorrow. She sounds like a toddler and needs firm boundaries or she’ll keep doing it.

Tell dc to sit their favourite Teddy in the spare seats. Shame your mil can't put her dgc's feelings above her own.
I would be holding on to this grudge op.

Could she be suffering incontinence or something? I know older people who have made up mad excuses not to leave the house at the last minute because they have a health related worry.
If shes not covering something up, then she’s just plain batshit.

Glad you didn't fall for her BS OP. If you happen to be hosting next year or have some other occasion in between, I would make her invite very open each time i.e. would love to see you but if you can't make it that's OK.

I can't believe your SiL (and presumably her dh) and your dh have given this ridiculous, bonkers plan any head space.

I am glad your SiL and family are still coming, but very cross on your behalf that your PiL have just decided to drop out at the last minute for no health reasons, and that then your SiL and family feel they are going to humour them and drive over to them part way through the day.

What a strange family.

She sounds nuts, to be frank. Completely lacking in maturity. You'd think her health scare would have helped her realise what's important (family, seeing her grandchildren on Christmas, etc.) and helped her focus on that. This is her own doing, and no-one should feel guilty except for her.

This. Why would you even entertain the idea?

Good grief, the woman is unhinged.

What's the betting she will expect you to plate up 2 dinners for your SIL to bring over to her when they leave...

There is no way I'd be going over there on Boxing day if I were you, I'd stay home and eat my way through a couple of selection boxes

I can’t get over the fact that your PIL invited family over for dinner on Christmas Day but had no food or drink in AND, to top it off, didn’t bother telling you in advance! That is utterly bizarre behaviour!

I no it's f hard hit.but try and meet yourself where you are now.being bitter and unhappy though valid is just going to screw your day up.so instead whatever your bow doing make it the best. Otherwise you'll forever link the day with this shit turn around of events.what can you do with the time you hace5.what can you do on st return.
Don't rise to her.
She can only steal tomorrow if you let her.
When your dh gone stick on a good movie,cup of tea and choccies.

What’s with all the creative excuses for her? Seems like the MIL has hit on (She thought) the foolproof way to host with no effort or expense. Let someone else think they’re hosting, then at the last minute get them to bring it all to her. She can sit like a Queen while everyone else runs around and expects nothing of her because all the shopping, cooking etc has already been planned by others.

It nearly worked last time, just not enough food. She’s hoping you’ve learned from that and you’ll take all the food to her this time. Happily you’ve learned a different lesson 😁

Make sure DH and SIL spot the pattern. MIL wants everyone there but without doing the work or dividing it fairly. Next year, plan for her to do this and make sure they’ve thought about their reactions/their plan B for when she throws a last minute hissy fit.

Bizarre behaviour from all of you.

Your mil sounds like a whining, attention seeking brat. Your dh and sil are barking for even entertaining this possibility.

Madness. Stay home. Do your plans. Ignore last minute idiocy.

Your MIL sounds like a narcissist who has to be the centre of attention at all times. Let her stay at home with no food. I hope, DH and DC have a lovely day without her. Best outcome I think!

Sorry, "I hope you, DH and DC have a lovely day"...