MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

[ShittyGlitter]

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

No way totally unreasonable of her and crazy that anyone would even consider this now such late decision and cheeky of her especially as she’s bought and prepared nothing
say children are excited to have Xmas at home and they are still welcome if they wish

Does MIL have bipolar disorder or something similar? She sounds like she behaves similar to my own mother with the highs and lows. Ie: gets random last minute fanciful ideas or trying to change the plans, and then hits lows and regrets it. It can also be a control thing.

Either way, absolutely not - I wouldn't even consider it. Unfair to stress everybody else out like this, and she needs this explained to her. Though if there is a mental illness aspect to it, she may well still do things like this in future regardless - just stand firm.

Stick to your original plan OP, totally unreasonable to expect you take everything to MIL. Put your foot down, otherwise expect much more if this type of thing going forward.

Then why would she want to cook dinner for ~8 people?

Sorry your MIL has been so unreasonable and hope you all have a lovely day inspite of it x

I don't know how some people complain about the amount of crazy MIL/PIL stories on here. Clearly there are loads out there. Must be a mega factory churning them out!

No way are you all going to hers with the food/cutlery/plates etc etc. Does she want you to bring the sofa and tv as well, perhaps?

No you need to stay home because whether she turns up or not you will need a stiff drink or three!

Of course she will turn up with that face on her. Do remember to take a couple of pictures! I have one in my handbag from years ago when my Gran was still alive. It was traditional for her to join us and mostly she was good fun BUT there would be the imagined 'slight' and she would sulk. She has that 'face' in the photo!!

Oh no, she doesn't want to cook or provide anything, that's to be on the OP to do remember!

Your mil is batshit. Why would you do all the hardworking and take it over to hers when she doesn't have enough stuff to allow you to serve it properly? Just very entitled behaviour. I'd have a good time without her and your dh should be telling her how she has upset the kids and yourself.

She’ll probs turn up today when she realises you won’t cave OP!

stay strong and have a lovely Christmas despite the drama queen trying to spoil it for you all x

I agree, she’ll call and moan and expect someone to pick her up.

Lol go away.

What's her mission objective here? Why is she deliberately ruining every Christmas like this? Why would she rather stay home than come as she was invited and accepted to do?

Although it doesn't matter. She wants to sulk, let her sulk. If she ruins your Christmas, she's won. So don't let her. Just enjoy not having to host her weird, weird, weird self.

Why do people allow this bullshit!? Christmas is one of the few times a year that you really get to enjoy and kick back with your family. There's no need to waste it people pleasing especially when you have kids. I'm glad you've told MIL to shove it. After Christmas I'd explain that you're not ever going to do a 4 hour round trip with young kids to then have to do all the cooking in a strange kitchen. She either comes to you or finds a way of at least contributing towards making dinner. And I'd tell her that since food is so expensive nowadays if she ever pulls that crap on you again and bails out on you again you will no longer spend the money catering for her. If DH wants to pander to her then he's welcome to but you'll be keeping yourself and kids out of it thanks. Have a magical and relaxing Christmas OP x

OP how was your Christmas dinner? 🌲

What happened in the end ?

Narcissistic!

OP, update please please please.

Did you cave and go to MIL under pressure?
Did SIL have a great time and decide not leave early to see PIL?
Were the children ok? Did they ask Grandma why she didn't come? What did she think of to say?
Was everyone miserable or had a better time than usual?
Did you discuss MIL and find out anything which may enlighten you to the behaviour? (Only excuse I can think of would be dementia).

OP updated that MIL and FIL weren't coming but cos of that, SIL and her family were leaving early to have evening at MIL's and DH and DC were going there Boxing Day so MIL managed to make it all about her, anyway.