MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

[ShittyGlitter]

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

Have a fab day enjoyed with those who appreciate all your effort. More bubbly for you now too 😀

I don't agree with this. Men don't get to sit back and do nothing while their wives do all the running around. There are countless threads on here about this. Women working themselves into breakdowns at Christmas because their lazy partners don't do shit to help.

Does she have an actual reason for caneling last minute? It just seems so insane

I’d be furious and hurt but I’d leave her to it. Stern words when it’s all over, what a stunt to pull on Christmas Eve.

I wonder if it's an anxiety thing. Maybe she can't face going out and wants to stay home in her safe space. That might explain her desperate attempt to have everyone come to her instead. And why she has cancelled completely now.

This is so weird! I’m glad you’re staying home and having a nice meal OP. Plenty of leftovers for you!

What even if the fil was happy to go to his sons house? And its the demanding MIL who wants all the changes? So if we're meant to go to someone's house for dinner, and my I invite everyone to our house instead, despite having no provisions? It's my dhs responsibility to make it happen, even if he doesn't want the change?

Does she behave normally the rest of the year? This is so bonkers I can't believe she is of sound mind!

Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face! Well, MIL will undoubtedly have a rotten day, but that is entirely HER doing so I hope you and your family manage to have a lovely Christmas and try not to let her mind games affect anything too much.

Well done for standing firm op! She can ruin her own Christmas but it won't ruin yours.

You have clearly never dealt with a person who it's all about them regardless and they make it a pity party! It borders on narcissistic and can probably garentee a sob story to anyone who will listen about not seeing her gc
My MIL would try to pull something like this thankfully dH and SIL ignore her hissy fits and we no longer see her on Christmas day

At my most generous interpretation, she's had a health scare and is catastrophising, thinking this is her last Christmas and wanting her family around her. In that case, No, MIL, all the arrangements and food are sorted, but you just relax and spend time with the grandchildren.

In a more cynical interpretation, she wants to be the matriarch but doesn't want to do the work. She can feck right off.

This is what my mum does!!!
Every year for years she's had us go to hers and bloody cook everything. I've told her we're not doing it again and if we go there, she can cook!

I'd just say no OP. Changing it all last minute and then you'll be cooking there and all that nonsense.
If you said no and that you still want it at yours, will she just sort her act out and come to you?

Ignore that. I've just seen your update.

This is bonkers. Absolutely no way.

Oh gosh OP, this is exactly the sort of thing that makes Christmas so exhausting. Thankfully we are out of the drama phase in my family but I remember it vividly. I used to just want to hide.

I hope you can have as fun a day as possible; it's really horrid when everything feels like it's going wrong sang like the end result is no one is happy. I hope as well it's just a strange behaviour aberration for your MIL and everything just settles back down.

Nah, my ex used to invite people round all the time for a big dinner and expect me to get it all in and sort it. Nope. He invited them so he could sort it. I would help on the day with the cooking after he had planned it, but I wasnt going to go out and do the shopping for him.

If he actually discussed stuff with me first then it would be a joint effort, but he just told me that so and so plus all their family were coming over for dinner. Was I hell going to jump in and save him.

I’d say no, they come to you. You can’t change plans at such late notice and surely it’s fairer then kids get to stay home with their toys all day not going out. Stand your ground

I'm talking about the first time she hosted, when she didn't have food and drink in because she didn't have time to get it. This wasn't a last minute arrangement. All the criticism is on MIL, but none on FIL who is the driver in that household. He would have noticed there was nothing in the fridge. Why couldn't he have gone out and got the food? Why is it ok that he let everyone turn up expecting a dinner?

Were any of these people your joint children and their families at Christmas?

I’d be announcing, right now, that next year you’re not being remotely involved with any of them and their ridiculous games at Christmas. You’ll either be going to your parents (if you have them), a cottage miles away from anywhere that sleeps four, or the Caribbean!

Yes. If I was OP I’d hand it all over to DH.

There’s no need to quote the entire OP. It’s pretty much guaranteed the ONE post we’ve definitely all read.

She will probably ring tomorrow morning and say she’s changed her mind.

but SIL and her family will leave early and do a small meal with MIL in the evening. DH staying put, but has arranged to visit Boxing Day.

Who’s going to cook that meal?

great start to the festivities, no one is happy! Well cheers everyone!

You should be happy, you’e rid of the witch.