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Original poster

MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

243 replies

ShittyGlitter · 24/12/2022 19:00

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 24/12/2022 21:09

What a horrid update.

Unless there is something secret going on with her health that makes it impossible for her to go tomorrow, she's being absolutely selfish and ridiculous.

I understand that your husband doesn't want to upset his mother at Christmas. But she's spiking everyone else's plans on a whim, and it's incredibly rude and self-centered.

As much as possible, give it zero oxygen.

saraclara · 24/12/2022 21:11

Have I missed a post? What's her reason for not coming? And what does FIL think of all this?

bridgetreilly · 24/12/2022 21:11

No. She’s playing stupid power games.

The answer is simple, ‘We’ll be disappointed if you decide not to come, but we’re hosting Christmas as we had all agreed and we have planned for. The children were really looking forward to seeing you, so it would be a shame if you didn’t come.’

Essexhousehusbands · 24/12/2022 21:12

Toxic MIL. Factor get out of all plans going forwards. Enjoy Christmas to yourself !

ChicCroissant · 24/12/2022 21:14

If the children know that she's not coming, then I'd stick with that - it's really unfair to mess their day around yet again because like a PP, I suspect she wants a pleading call tomorrow morning (also agree that you shouldn't do this!) So any talk about tomorrow should now be framed around the PIL not coming over, it's unfortunate that it's messed up your SIL's day as well now.

SpicyFoodRocks · 24/12/2022 21:14

Well done for not giving in.

But appalling selfish behaviour from mil. Poor fil.

mcmooberry · 24/12/2022 21:15

Please don't let this drama from her spoil things for you. You have absolutely done the right thing here. She sounds like the mother from a. thread earlier in the week who invited people over for Christmas dinner and had no food in. Needs someone unrelated to her to put a stop to her behaviour.

MichelleScarn · 24/12/2022 21:17

ShittyGlitter · 24/12/2022 20:54

Update, MIL has decided not to come along after all. Such a shame as the DC will be disappointed PIL will be missing from the dinning table.
everyone else still coming along, but SIL and her family will leave early and do a small meal with MIL in the evening. DH staying put, but has arranged to visit Boxing Day.

great start to the festivities, no one is happy! Well cheers everyone!

Absolutely attention seeking sabotage. What a horrible woman
She's still managed to control the day hasn't she! Sil and her family will just be clock watching to leave and dh will be early nighting and probably staying off any booze to drive boxing day!

Crazycrazylady · 24/12/2022 21:18

Op
I'm totally glad sanity has reigned . Have never heard such a bonkers carry on.
Wouldn't be a bit surprised if she changes her mind and turns up after all.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2022 21:22

This can't be the only example of her sabotaging, manipulating and generally pissing in the corners like a territorial dog. The fact hat you aren't all saying, "has she had a stroke/dementia?' points to it as well.

I assume DH has the FOG issue.

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2022 21:23

Oh that such awful behaviour. I think she'll regret that decision (but never admit it). But all is not lost - SIL is still coming and I bet your kids will just enjoy the day for what it is.

BobDear · 24/12/2022 21:23

What is your DH saying to her? He should be picking up the phone, telling her that her grandchildren were looking forward to seeing her and she needs to pull herself together. She should also apologise to you for mucking you around

I doubt you'll get the apology but your DH needs to step in here - right now.

Snowyy · 24/12/2022 21:25

There's obviously a reason behind this behaviour. Does she have ibs and is having a flare up and can't risk a journey, does she have mh issues and is feeling anxious?

It's Christmas. Everyone should stop with all the 'attention seeking baby' comments, show some compassion and understanding. It's one meal, just let it go. She is seeing the sil later so at least won't be alone and that is surely the main thing.

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2022 21:27

She's married. No she won't be alone.

Cuppasoupmonster · 24/12/2022 21:28

Does she have ibs and is having a flare up and can't risk a journey

Gets more and more creative on here doesn’t it!

Snowyy · 24/12/2022 21:30

Cuppasoupmonster · 24/12/2022 21:28

Does she have ibs and is having a flare up and can't risk a journey

Gets more and more creative on here doesn’t it!

Ibs is creative? I think it is very common tbh.

I am suggesting she will have a reason for changing plans I doubt very much she just cba and isn't bothered about seeing her grandkids.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/12/2022 21:31

You really need to just say no!

Paq · 24/12/2022 21:31

Very odd behaviour from her but I don't think you should feel like you should accommodate her sudden change of plan. It's your Christmas too.

BadNomad · 24/12/2022 21:32

What was FIL's excuse for not helping prepare? I see a lot of blaming the woman and nothing about the man in the house.

Awrite · 24/12/2022 21:33

Glad you are not being emotionally manipulated into taking all your food to PIL's.

Enjoy your day. Don't let anyone try to guilt trip you.

I do such a lot for my family that I have to work out where my line in the sand is and resolutely not cross it.

Crumpleton · 24/12/2022 21:34

She's not stupid I'd she..
Probably had it planned all along.
Waits till the last minute knowing you'll have bought everything then BOOM..
All round MIL's with no work load or expense to her.

I'd definitely say no...

MichelleScarn · 24/12/2022 21:35

Snowyy · 24/12/2022 21:25

There's obviously a reason behind this behaviour. Does she have ibs and is having a flare up and can't risk a journey, does she have mh issues and is feeling anxious?

It's Christmas. Everyone should stop with all the 'attention seeking baby' comments, show some compassion and understanding. It's one meal, just let it go. She is seeing the sil later so at least won't be alone and that is surely the main thing.

She's not alone? She has FiL and also got everyone else disturbing their Christmas break to still run around after her!

buckeejit · 24/12/2022 21:41

Jakers. I'd make it known that she's really disappointed her gc.

WeepingSomnambulist · 24/12/2022 21:42

BadNomad · 24/12/2022 21:32

What was FIL's excuse for not helping prepare? I see a lot of blaming the woman and nothing about the man in the house.

It sounds like she was the one who did the inviting. So the responsibility falls to her.

He of course should have helped with it, but she needed to communicate with him to get it all done.

If he had invited them then the work would be his to arrange and ensure.

ItsACrater · 24/12/2022 21:44

ShittyGlitter · 24/12/2022 20:54

Update, MIL has decided not to come along after all. Such a shame as the DC will be disappointed PIL will be missing from the dinning table.
everyone else still coming along, but SIL and her family will leave early and do a small meal with MIL in the evening. DH staying put, but has arranged to visit Boxing Day.

great start to the festivities, no one is happy! Well cheers everyone!

Don’t let them take food from your’s!!