MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

[ShittyGlitter]

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

ffs just say no to the crazy lady.

Does she not care that your kids will have to leave most of their gifts at home? She's crackers. I echo everyone else don't do it.

I think as you’ve pandered to her last time she’s doing it again. I would gladly change my Xmas plans in case of real emergency but not like this. Ask her why she can’t come and is there any way to help her but no, she can do what she wants but you won’t change your plans.
I’m with @NumberTheory Why your DH and SIL didn’t tell her politely wtf?

Christmas lunch at yours, with or without her. She's lazy and/or attention-seeking.

no

no

no

no

no

put phone down, and say, see you in 2023.

Fuck that.

Sorry MIL but I'm not bringing all the prepped food and the kids on a 4 hour round trip. We will just stay home. Have a lovely day.

the answer is most definitely 'NO - we'll expect you at ours at xx o'clock'

I'd text and end this whole thing.

"Hi all, we won't be traipsing to MILs tomorrow, we have prepared dinner here as planned and will be sitting down to eat at Xpm. All welcome."

End of. Fucking unhinged aul wagon.

If your husband can't say no, maybe he can pack up all your food and prepare it in his mum's kitchen while you put your feet up

This. Stick to the original plans.

Bonkers! The audacity of the woman to pull this shit on Christmas Eve!

She thinks you’ll all dance to her tune as you did previously. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Everyone needs to be told that you’ll be hosting as planned and everyone is welcome. I guarantee she’ll be at yours tomorrow once she realises that you aren’t just going to roll over.

Nooooo! The food does not go to PILs!

MIL had a health scare earlier in the year, so I think this is clouding the judgement of SIL and DH. They’re normally much more rational people.

FIL would be driving over with MIL, he’s a confident driver so I doubt there’s a transport issue. They drive this distance often.

I’m glad people are agreeing with me. I’m temped just to go along to PIL and bring a couple slices of ham only and brazen it out. If it wasn’t for the DC that is.

I don't see what your DH has to feel tied over. It's utterly ridiculous and he should have said no mum, don't be silly straight away. I'd be fuming at my DH in this situation not to have shot it down immediately.

It’s doesn’t really matter what SIL and DH said because their not doing the cooking or have put in all the effort.

I really do hope you’ve said no.

Tell her to fuck off.

Have you told your DH that you don't want to go? And explained to him why it's an awful idea?

Well she clearly has form! I'd be saying a firm no! Maybe if she wants to do something next year. But this year you are prepped and ready to welcome her. No way would I be trying to transport everything to her after planning and prepping at home - with agreement from everyone. Put a stop to the madness, say no!

Please don’t say yes.

Please update us that you haven’t given in.

This is actually making me stressed and giving me palpitations. On Xmas Eve. Sort this out OP.

Ugh the cheek of some people.

This is perfect text book practice for the use of the word no. A beautiful, short word that says it all. She comes to you as arranged or she stays at home and you have Christmas ( and lovely food) at your house and she has a custard cream and a piece of toast at hers.

@ShittyGlitter please don't drag your children all that way on their Christmas morning for what sounds will be a miserable day!

Would DH drive over there on his own, OP? Leaving you, the children and the food at home for the celebrations as planned?

When SIL and DH are doing the planning, the buying, the preparing and the cooking then they get an opinion. Until then they can run off to their mum's and leave a lovely Christmas dinner behind them while they pour out a singular bottle of wine over an empty fringe. This carry on gives me absolute rage.

A health scare is a thing of the past. Unless she is on deaths door why would you pander to this insanity?

So she wants the glory of hosting but it’s really you that’s made all the effort. I’d say no as you’ve already prepared everything, kids are excited and it’s too late but offer to let her have the burden next year. It’s not reasonable at all to change the plans this late.