MIL changing Christmas plans at the last minute

[ShittyGlitter]

Sorry a PIL one. PIL and other family (all between 1-2hour away) are coming to ours. We have DC 8 and 10 looking forward to them coming. Food is prepared and ready to be thrown in the oven tomorrow.

MIL is upset on the phone to SIL and DH that she wants everyone to come to hers (no real reason other than her own comfort) Except she doesn't want to host! So no food, and we'd be bloody lucky to get a drink as she typically has a single bottle of wine in at a time.

She did this a few years back, where she insisted we all come to hers that year. We happily excepted and brought some food nibbles, cheeses, drinks etc. MIL had a complete melt down as she hadn't bought any actual food. So we all survived on the stuff we had brought, thankfully enough for everyone, but not a Christmas meal by any stretch!

I felt bad as I thought maybe we had misunderstood the invite, but no she just didn't have time to buy food or drinks.

So now on Christmas bloody Eve she's wheezing on the phone wanting another go at it.

I'm annoyed as obviously have gone to a lot of trouble to prepare everything. Asked DH does she have everything to host? Apparently MIL has proposed I just bring everything I have prepared to hers! As clearly she hasn't had the time pick anything seeing as she's decided 5 fecking minutes ago!!!

Now I would say I'm reasonably flexible, but she'll be wanting me still to cook it all too! her kitchen cookware is minimal and from the 70s. There's no serving plates and I'll bet not enough cutlery, she's the type to have four forks, knifes etc only in the drawer.

DH feels really tied, SIL is trying to see what she can get at the last minute and I feel like the grinch as no one wants to say no to this crazy idea except me.

What am I supposed to do here!?

What utter nonsense.

You absolutely say no or she'll try this shit every year. Simply say it's too short notice for that to work.

Why are you even considering pandering to this insanity?

What a manipulative woman . There's no way on earth that you should pander to her .

No. No. No. No and no. Completely self indulgent, selfish behaviour. She comes to you or spends it in her own house on her own. This is absolutely ridiculous and I wouldn't be going along with it now and setting a precedent for next year when she fancies changing plans on a whim

And the cf of 2022 goes to op's mil...
You are as batshit as her if you entertain this batfuckery...

No way

Taking everything won't work, something essential will be forgotten. And trying to cook in someone elses kitchen is a total nightmare.

She is being so rude demanding that everyone change their plans last min just because she fancies it.

I can't believe anyone is actually considering it. Just say you've spent a lot of effort preparing to host at yours, and if she doesn't fancy it thats fine but it's too late to change it now so you will be eating at home

Silly women being quite selfish you think of yourself as she clearly isn't. PLEASE put your family and kids first.

Is there some reason your DH and SIL are even entertaining this? It’s completely mad and terribly rude to you given all the preparations you must have been making. I can’t
imagine circumstances where my DH wouldn’t shut this down immediately.

Not sure why your husband didn’t say no straight away. If she had called a few days ago fair enough think it over but the night before - no bloody way. If you do end up going I wouldn’t take anything. I d leave it to cook on Boxing Day and tell her it was defrosted wrong or spoilt or fell on the kitchen floor etc. you will go there and do everything and without the comfort of your own home …. No way!

Polite terms...tell her to go fuck herself!
No way would i be going there!

Is she quite frail and worried about travelling? Could someone offer to go and pick them up?

Just no. Everything is ready and it is far too late in the day to change plans. I live several hours from family so often drive down for xmas. It is bloody hard work packing up everything (and remembering it)! This year is at yours and then you have 12 months to work out next year. Also it is just not fair on the children who have anticipated their Christmas at home and will have visions of how this will look. Of she does not want to come then as an adult that is on her. The worse thing you all can do is pander to her because where will it end.....?

The only same response to this is surely 'thats ok MIL I'll have your roast potatoes don't worry nothing we prepped for you will go to waste'.

This

Sounds like she has been hitting the sherry today, and is now ‘emotional’. She’s having a luff, tell her you have plans for tonight, and given all the work involved tomorrow couldn’t possibly manage to get to hers. Of course she’s welcome to come over if she would like

Let her crack on and have a lovely time at home. Madness - on her part.

Also- what are the plans to get her to you and how far is it for her? A compromise is someone could get her of it is only an hour away but she is manipulating people and it is not okay.

Honestly, I would tell your husband crack on and go to his mother's if he wants to, but I wouldn't entertain this.

Completely not normal behaviour.

There is no way I would put myself through this.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Say No and say she can do it next year

I would be fuming tbh! I would not be dragging the children and all the food you've prepared on a 1-2 hour journey just because she's changed her mind at the last minute. She either stays home alone or comes to you!

She is bonkers. She had everyone at hers but not Christmas lunch.

My MIL pulls this trick all the time - says she'll host and have everyone at hers but then can't be bothered to prep anything and it ends up being miserable.

And changing plans on Christmas Eve? It's fine for her to change her plans but not other people's. Really odd behaviour.

Hell no.

No.

Definitely not.

No way.

It’s an Ill thought out batshit idea. Best to Nip this in the bud right now.
Send a message saying, ‘Dear MIL, I understand you’ve not bought any food, so hosting can’t feasibly happen. Everything is prepped and ready at my house as we’d already planned.’

Yes @WeepingSomnambulist that is exactly what happened, she said nothing at all. When we arrived at 11ish I went to put the nibbles in her kitchen and spotted a bare fridge, it quickly became apparent nothing was going to be served. When DH asked her she became upset and said she’d been so busy she couldn’t possibly be expected to ‘do it all’ yet didn’t ask for help!!! She was smiling along the whole way up to Xmas and even asked what sorts of things we like for dessert 🤔

What an absolute piss take, there is no way I would agree to that. Let everyone decide - lunch at your house or fend for themselves at hers.