Partner joked about killing me

[notsureaboutthisjoke]

I've NC for this.

DP just made a "joke" which I don't find funny, and it's left me feeling a bit uneasy tbh.

We have his 2 older kids staying here for a few days; he's done an early Christmas present exchange with them as they're at their mums tomorrow. He had brought all their presents in from the garage in a huge black hold-all (think ridiculously large size - it's not a normal size one). As he removed the empty bag from the front room he commented "I'll keep that to put your body in later" (to me), then laughed as though he was hilarious.... and his two older kids also laughed (both teens). I was a bit stunned tbh so just replied "yeah course you will, would love to see you get away with that!" (implying he wouldn't be clever enough to get away with murder).

Anyway..... afterwards I just felt a bit weird and disturbed about it. He's never joked about anything like this before, and he's never been violent. AIBU to feel a bit like this wasn't a funny joke to make? Especially as women are actually killed by their male partners?! Or do I need to lighten up as this was clearly a misguided attempt on his part to be funny?

I'll accept if I need to lighten up. I've had a rough week so I may be overly sensitive!

The homicide rate was 9.9 per million population, with the rate for males (14 per million population) more than twice that for females (6 per million population).

Statistically incredibly rare and murder is more likely to happen to men, so the joke is permitted.

Do you mean cereal killer 😉 anyway it’s not funny, he should be taken into custard-y…

I bet he's rubbing his hands with glee in being able to carve the joint up tomorrow.

I hate this ‘oh we all have different sensitivities’ bullshit. We have generally acceptable societal behaviour because some things are not acceptable to most people, but this isn’t one of them. Most people are saying OP is being unreasonable. That means she should give herself a talking to, not that the rest of the world needs to tiptoe around her arbitrary ‘triggers’.

Right not to mention that lack of humour is often associated with overthinking and stress and has detrimental affects on health and relationships.

Dh and I joke about killing each other. Usually around us being worth a fortune dead rather than alive.

Neither of us is abusive to the other. Not everything in life is a red flag.

With your job I would explain to him how you prefer to keep dark humour or upsetting media etc away from you as a way to support you emotionally being able to do your job.

I would though think about coping strategies you use going forward as it was a pretty of the hand joke that I have heard so many times between couples over the years and you had a strong emotional reaction to it. I always think burn out of those type of jobs must be so hard and really worked on to stop happening to people who are exposed to traumatic events regularly.

@HotChoxs

Luckily we are going out for our Christmas dinner tomorrow so DP won't be anywhere near a carving knife 😀 phew!

😂

It's not bullshit. We do all have different sensitivities. That's being human.

Perhaps but it doesn’t mean the rest of the world need to tiptoe around them. It’s for you to deal with your own feelings.

I'm not expecting "the rest of the world" to do anything. It's my partner, the man who I share my life with (and have done for 8 years), who I expect to be understanding of my sensitivities. Which, when I explain how it made me feel, I'm sure he will. So it's all good. 😀

Why post on AIBU then? 🤔

Omg surely working in forensics hasn’t completely taken away your sense of humour.

you sound like a right barrel of laughs, OP.

I posted on AIBU to see how others would feel about it. I thought that was obvious?

And yes, as I've previously explained, I do have a sense of humour and DP and I laugh regularly about a lot of things. Just never this.

Since when is "a sense of humour" a generic thing that one either has or hasn't got? If that were the case, we'd all love the same comedians, right? I love Michael McIntyre and Ricky Gervais, for example - both have me crying with laughter. But I can't stand Lee Evans, for example, never laughed once watching him. I'm sure others would hate the ones I love, and love the ones I hate, right?

In other words having a sense of humour is not a generic thing - it's a subjective thing with variation between people (Strange that I have to explain that concept to people tbh). So me not laughing my head off at jokes about people being murdered does not mean I'm devoid of a sense of humour.

second this

I wouldn’t have liked it at all and would tell my OH that. He would be mortified that he made me feel uncomfortable (and that’s the right reaction).

I have experienced DV tho so I like to think my OH would know better

I agree with you, OP

I don't think it's funny. I just asked my dh if he thinks it funny. He thinks not funny and a bit sinister. What must be running through his head when he says it? When a woman is murdered it often turns out to be her partner.

I don't think it's funny. I just asked my dh if he thinks it funny. He thinks not funny and a bit sinister. What must be running through his head when he says it? When a woman is murdered it often turns out to be her partner.

See, for me, there is a world of difference between OP, just having a moment and checking her thinking, and people like this.

People like this scare the shit out of me.

I don't know you or your DP or your relationship @notsureaboutthisjoke but if MY DH said this, I'd say 'you'll have to catch me first, and catch me before the arsenic I am lacing your supper with kicks in!' It would TOTALLY be a joke. (I HOPE!!!) 😬

Like I said, it depends on your relationship.

Make sure you sniff your food for monkshood!

@PurpleButterflyWings
😂

I personally wouldn't find it amusing but my DH and I don't joke in that way.

@booklovingmum yes really 🙄

Everyone who feels put out because they are being told they shouldn't be laughing at jokes about women being murdered . Maybe you could blame all the men out there murdering women?

I have often told DH that I am a going to “murder him in his bed” as a joke, when he has eaten the last of the cheesecake or something.