Partner joked about killing me

[notsureaboutthisjoke]

I've NC for this.

DP just made a "joke" which I don't find funny, and it's left me feeling a bit uneasy tbh.

We have his 2 older kids staying here for a few days; he's done an early Christmas present exchange with them as they're at their mums tomorrow. He had brought all their presents in from the garage in a huge black hold-all (think ridiculously large size - it's not a normal size one). As he removed the empty bag from the front room he commented "I'll keep that to put your body in later" (to me), then laughed as though he was hilarious.... and his two older kids also laughed (both teens). I was a bit stunned tbh so just replied "yeah course you will, would love to see you get away with that!" (implying he wouldn't be clever enough to get away with murder).

Anyway..... afterwards I just felt a bit weird and disturbed about it. He's never joked about anything like this before, and he's never been violent. AIBU to feel a bit like this wasn't a funny joke to make? Especially as women are actually killed by their male partners?! Or do I need to lighten up as this was clearly a misguided attempt on his part to be funny?

I'll accept if I need to lighten up. I've had a rough week so I may be overly sensitive!

Im sure it was a joke but very distasteful, particularly in light of recent events. I also wouldn't like it and I wouldn't find it funny. I also wouldn't like the way he said it to the teenagers and them laughing, which of course teenagers do. You aren't there to be his fall guy so he can look witty in front of his kids. It was disrespectful. I'm not saying you should dump him or anything but I'd have a quiet word and tell him not to do that again.

I know threads like these often wind people up. But I love them. For me, it’s a real opportunity to value, appreciate and be grateful for the family, friends and colleagues I have in my life, and my relationship with them.

I certainly don't live my life in a state of fear - you don't speak for all women when you say we feel threatened all the time.

I wouldn't find it funny.

But sense of humour is very personal.

You don't find it funny, which is fine, but lots of people love that kind of humour. There are films and TV shows and books filled with it.

You're allowed not to find it funny, and you don't need to 'lighten up' 🙄. I do think your line of work has an understandable effect on your reaction though. Try not to let it linger in your mind though.

That's the kind of banter my partner and I have daily 🤷‍♀️🤣

This ☝️ several times...

DH and I have this kind of dark humour, it's exactly the sort of joke one of us would make.

I'd hate not to have the same sense of humour as a partner, it's so important.

If I was dragging a large black "body bag" out of the house I'd have said the same! We do spend alot of time watching murder documentaries though.... he was just joking. But if we don't hear back from you....

Kill him first. You will need a larger bag.

We usually do! We laugh about a lot of stuff. This was just a bit left field tbh.

It's more of a joke about the bag rather than you. I wouldn't have thought twice about this joke to be honest.

Haha I'll check in later this evening. If I don't, well......... send help please 🥴

My husband I joke all the time about payouts if one of us dies. It's just a joke and not serous of course.

It's not left field though, the replies on this thread show it's perfectly normal humour between couples. I'm afraid your humour does sound a bit mismatched.

@Tinselpipes

I meant left field as in, it's not something I've heard him joke about before.

I’m the opposite, If this isn’t your normal banter, I Wouldn’t find it funny at all. It was completely insensitive. I would also feel humiliated in front of his children.

Before anyone comments I’m a happy go lucky person who loves a good laugh, with a dry sense of humour and in no way do I need to lighten up.

On holiday in a very rural location, driving parents around who were squabbling like teenagers, I told them if I buried them by the side of the road on the mountain they had misdirected me onto, no one would every find them. They thought it was hilarious, and always pointed it out when we drove by the mountain. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. I would have said 'not if I get to you first!'

LTB.

I think you took the poll option off because on some level you recognise YABU

I think you need to lighten up.. unless of course you are worried for your safety which I hope isn't the case my husbands always joking that I'm going to end up murdering him one day as I have such a temper 😂

I think you do.

OP
Have you asked him why he wants to kill you?
We've never said it to the other as it's not a joke and not nice.
However, certain people do say it and see it as a "joke," but I don't.
However, IMHO, he meant no harm.

Look it at like this, anyone wanting to kill someone is not going to tell them until there are actually ready to go and have their victim trapped

As you have known him for several years, I'm pretty sure you are safe.

Enjoy your Christmas

I'm actually surprised that you haven't the black sense of humour you need to mentally survive such jobs!

I have, so when I opened a light pull of a morph type figure hanging from a noose in my stocking from hubby a month after my brother hung himself I managed!

( context, he had bought, wrapped and done stocking prior to the event, and had forgotten it was in there.. He had purchased as a dark reference to the energy bill and my failure to EVER turn the bathroom light off 😂 )

Poor bloke. I gave him a pass as soon as his eyes filled up 😂🙈