Partner joked about killing me

[notsureaboutthisjoke]

I've NC for this.

DP just made a "joke" which I don't find funny, and it's left me feeling a bit uneasy tbh.

We have his 2 older kids staying here for a few days; he's done an early Christmas present exchange with them as they're at their mums tomorrow. He had brought all their presents in from the garage in a huge black hold-all (think ridiculously large size - it's not a normal size one). As he removed the empty bag from the front room he commented "I'll keep that to put your body in later" (to me), then laughed as though he was hilarious.... and his two older kids also laughed (both teens). I was a bit stunned tbh so just replied "yeah course you will, would love to see you get away with that!" (implying he wouldn't be clever enough to get away with murder).

Anyway..... afterwards I just felt a bit weird and disturbed about it. He's never joked about anything like this before, and he's never been violent. AIBU to feel a bit like this wasn't a funny joke to make? Especially as women are actually killed by their male partners?! Or do I need to lighten up as this was clearly a misguided attempt on his part to be funny?

I'll accept if I need to lighten up. I've had a rough week so I may be overly sensitive!

I've never been in a relationship where my partner joked about killing me, if he did I'd be sure to make a note of it and then I would make them similar jokes about him and see how he responded.
In front of his children and they laughed .....I'd be quite disturbed, I probably wouldn't let on but it might make me think about things....

@notsureaboutthisjoke I'm surprised cops normally have the darkest sense of humour. It's a frequent joke in our house. We had large chest freezer in the garage of our old house and I would frequently shout go and get X out of the body freezer (we are in pathology). If your both happy and he not giving off bad vibes I would put it to the back of your mind as him missing the mark on a joke.

Sadly men fail to understand how women feel threatened by men all of the time.
They don't have to think about the dangers of stepping out alone after dark or living with someone so much bigger and stronger than themselves.
Our alarm bells are switched on all the time. Theirs are not.
The news doesn't help.0

Joke straight back "Keep it; you'll be able to sleep in it in the park after I divorce you"

It's one thing to joke that it looks like a body bag, it's another thing to joke that he'll save it to put your body in later.
If this is part of the normal back and forth banter between you maybe it's ok but if it comes out of the blue.....
The fact that it's made you uneasy suggests to me that your spidey senses have been triggered and it isn't part of the normal back and forth banter

Me and my husband joke about this all the time. i often threaten him with the patio. It's just dark humour.

@Grumpybutfunny

I'm not a cop

Yeah it was the fact his older children laughed too, I was a bit 🤨.... is this what you are teaching your teenage boy is funny....?

I always tell Dh who is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle soul that the first person they look at when a wife disappears is the husband. We both make jokes about it but then we are in a loving relationship so it doesn't worry me that he is truly making plans to murder me. Or me him.

Oh what a great come back! Wish I'd thought of that 😂

If my partner said something like that to me I would have instantly shot back not if I get you first mate, I certainly wouldn't let him get away with making a joke at my expense in front of his children ....no way!
never let a man get the upper hand

True. I wonder whether being exposed to it daily skews my perception and makes me on higher alert though.

Or his children just share his humour, which is normal.

Lots of parents have a dark sense of humour and pass that on to their kids - it obviously doesn't mean they all find murder hilarious.

Unless he has ever been violent, it was an innocent joke.

Lighten up !!!! Seriously 🙄 it was a joke and if you genuinely think he was serious then end the relationship 🤷‍♀️

Exactly! He saw your reaction and still thinks it's funny even though he must know that the biggest threat to a woman is her partner.

FFS get a grip

Yes that is also my response, he's letting his teenage son know that women are always in mortal danger from men and that's something to casually laugh about in front of the woman concerned

My OH asked me what the perfect murder, to go undetected, would be. After a road trip holiday together in Scotland (and lots of hill walking) he announced pushing your OH off a steep rock face, under the pretence they slipped, would be the way to do it. He's an author and this is a chapter in his latest published book.

I've had a serious threat in writing from a deranged ex which ended up in a police visit and a restraining order.

It's all about context!

🙄 🥱

I don't think I've ever come across anyone using a massive bag and not saying that!

I don't think he was serious as in, i don't think he's going to carry it out. I just don't think it's a particularly funny thing to joke about, especially in front of teenagers who are learning from him about what's funny.

It was just a joke so try not to take it seriously. If you're concerned about him actually planning to kill you then you should confide in a friend what he's said about burying you in the basement. While it's probably not a threat, some killers actually do talk about their plans ahead of time. Fred and Rose West for example, they regularly threatened their kids with being buried in their garden like their sibling was. Years later of course it was found out they actually had buried them there, along with a bunch of other people in their basement.

HAHA same tbh I'd be disappointed if somebody didn't make that joke

*not a particularly funny thing I mean