Son has come home with a girl

[sonotprepared]

He's 18, and knows this girl. Has just brought her home saying she's locked out. Tells me she was upset earlier (with good reason).

She seems to be staying here tonight and I'm uncomfortable about it.

He's been at a club, so a bit tipsy. Asked if he's sleeping on the couch if she's staying and he says no. Obviously intends on sharing his bed with her.

WWYD? This is new to me!

If the situation wasn't safe for you, then why is that a safe person to bring into your home? I never allowed random men I didn't know in my home. I just don't feel safe with that.

Wouldn’t bother me and I have an 18 yo boy. He quite often has friends staying over. I have met them before and he does ask but in the knowledge I’ll say it’s fine.
what are you worried about? Sounds like something has happened before?

Maybe they're on holiday? Their daughter is 18, not 14, surely they're allowed to go away from home for the night?

@Hillary17
Indeed. Nice that we were able to do such and our children feel comfortable to do the same. Everyone welcome in my house. I'm glad my adult children are kind.

I couldn't get worked up over this.

Is she a friend?

No. It says that he said that the op wouldn't have a problem if it was his good friend. I've read back through the posts and I can't see anywhere she said they he knew this girl. But I am pre-coffee, maybe I missed it but I can't see it.

Probably no point trying to reason with him while he's tipsy/drunk but I'd definitely be having a conversation the next day about bringing people back for the night without prior agreement.
It's your house, not a bloody hotel.

I have 2 DS, just a year or two older. Why all the anger and hand wringing?. He's brought a girl home, let them sort out where they sleep. They are both adults. I don't understand why you think it's so terrible. If he's full on shagging on your sofa I'd get it, but he's in his room with her. Why is that so disrespectful to you?

I think at 18 I’m not sure what the issue is? Are you worried about his safety/hers? Honestly I’d probably give him a packet of condoms and some strong advice about being careful. Tomorrow perhaps I would delve deeper and explain about healthy relationships and ways to meet people etc but if he’s 18 I would think you’ve already had those conversations?

I think I would maybe have bypassed him a bit and spoken to the girl, made her a cuppa and tried to find out how old she is and if her family knew she was there etc. At 18 I went to uni so did whatever I did without any oversight from my parents.

if you don’t want your son coming home with girls I’m not sure if him living under your roof as a young man is a good idea! X

If the DS was truly 'kind and respectful in seeing that the girl was safe' he would have no issue with them having separate rooms would he?

What a difficult situation for you OP, my DS is 21 and I am just so grateful that I have never been in this situation. I hope it was resolved amicably.

Because it's OP's house and she doesn't want a stranger (to her) in it. And, as he's an adult, he can rent a Premier Inn for the night.

I would be very pissed off. My teen/adult sons wouldn't dream of bringing anyone back here without asking me first.

I am happy for my son's girlfriend to stay because we know her and are comfortable with her. I don't want anyone staying over who I do not know, or have never heard of, at least not without a conversation and prior agreement first.

If it was all about him being so kind and making sure she was safe, he wouldn’t mind her sleeping on the sofa/him sleeping on the sofa. The fact he dies mind and wants them ti be in a bed together suggests it’s not just about that.

teenage bloke wants to shag women isn’t unusual but it’s something you need to talk to him about. Can he just bring home random women whenever he wants or not?

tje other things is him ignoring your clearly stated wishes because he pays some rent. What else is he going yo feel free to ignore cos he pays rent?

basically you need to agree some ground rules

Exactly.

@Outtasteamandluck 'why aren't her parents home?'
because...maybe, they have a life and are living it now that their children are adults?
My sons's best friends' parents aren't 'home' as they are in their native country visiting relatives before Christmas.
They will be back later today, is that ok by you?

He is having you on with the "been locked out" scenario, because otherwise he'd have no problem with one of them taking the sofa.

Hi sex life is indeed none of your business but you have a right to decide some basic rules in your house, because otherwise there is the potential for an ever changing procession of people you don't know staying over because he wants to have sex with them, totally different situation to an actual girlfriend.

In my opinion this happening at virtually the same moment as he makes his first housekeeping payment is not a coincidence but rather an entitled flexing of muscles. I paid my keep at 18 (probably rather more than your son is, pro rata) and I didn't imagine it gave me a free pass to do whatever I wished in my parents house.

Imho it doesn't matter what you might say in other circumstances or if he had asked politely - he didn't, and you were uncomfortable and he was defiant, so that today will be a bit miserable. Obviously he was testing boundaries and of course you get to decide who and how someone spends a night in your home.

He needs to be apologetic af or he should look into commercial rent.

I’m surprised at the number of posters saying they wouldn’t have an issue with this situation? I’d have a massive problem with it! It’s your parents’ house- not a dorm and not your own place. You can’t just bring strangers home at stupid-o’clock in the morning to (presumably) have sex with. Hope you get to chat to him today OP.

Start looking at flatshares and send the adverts to his phone

He's not thinking about YOUR safety, bringing a random stranger into your home overnight.

Hope you're treating them to a nice cuppa and a blast of the radio this morning, OP?

How sad, an 18 year old lad takes a girl home as she is (for whatever reason) locked out and so many posters jump on her telling his mother its because he wants to rape her.
I despair of this place sometimes, the frenzy and hysteria over perfectly normal things is ridiculous.

This thread is wild.

Adult man brings adult woman back to his house to crash/maybe have sex. As long as they are not screaming the roof down, what's the problem?

If he's 18 and knows her, and she's not somebody he's bought home after meeting tonight, I'd let them stay together.

Cat it is not his house though is it? It's his mother's house and parents are perfectly entitled to have 'rules' and boundaries about who might arrive in the small hours of the morning to sleep over.