Son has come home with a girl

[sonotprepared]

He's 18, and knows this girl. Has just brought her home saying she's locked out. Tells me she was upset earlier (with good reason).

She seems to be staying here tonight and I'm uncomfortable about it.

He's been at a club, so a bit tipsy. Asked if he's sleeping on the couch if she's staying and he says no. Obviously intends on sharing his bed with her.

WWYD? This is new to me!

He's 18...what's the problem?

I think I’d be more annoyed about the lies. If her parents know where she is, she’s had contact with them since the “lost key”. Why did she not just ask them to unlock the door if that was truly the case?

It’s alright saying just leave them to it, he’s 18 and pays to stay there, BUT, if it happens now, it will happen again and the boy could start to bring a different girl home more often.

I wouldn’t allow it, and with him saying he pays to stay there, he probably pays a minimal amount (due to his age).
He has just started to pay for his board and this is how he is acting?

Put your foot down.

I take it she's also over 18? I'd not have the slightest problem if she is. But it's your house, your rules. If he doesn't like them he pay rent somewhere he does.

When did 18 year olds need parental consent to have a girlfriend?

It is parent's home not a boarding house!
Just because he is an adult and gives hiis mum housekeeping money ( which almost certainly doesn't cover all his household expenses) doesn't mean he has the right to bring whomsoever he wants into o their home! 😲

I am so shocked that so many people think it is absolutely ok tp be so disrespectful!

Unbelievable. Just leave them alone!

what is your issue? That they might have sex? Well that’s what they do at that age - it’s called having fun

its not like he is having a wild party and ruining your house

They both got lucky at Christmas time. Good on them.

I dote on my daughter's. But they are older than me when I was old enough to make good decisions so I let them get on with it.

The problem is, that for reasons I'm not going into here, I am terrified of him ending up in a situation where he could be accused of something. It is too close to home for us. That may be completely irrational of me, but yes, it worries me massively.

Apart from that, i just do not want any part in him bringing random women back to the house, just as I would not bring men back to stay if he was home. If this was actually a girlfriend, I would be okay with that.

Her parent isn't home and she's not got her key. Yes, she's over 18.

They don’t- they can take randoms to their own house can’t they? This isn’t a girlfriend. It’s someone he’s turned up with.

He’s tipsy, girl who knows, he needs to get his own place. OP home is not a hotel.

OP you are perfectly entitled to not want to meet random strangers over breakfast in your home. Stick to your guns.

Well your son clearly doesn't respect you, he's paid board once, regardless it's still your home. You are perfectly entitled to not have random women in your home. I wouldn't. If he wants to sleep with random women, he can pay for a hotel.

Personally I'd leave them to it

I wouldn’t intervene today but speak to him about it when he is sober and she is gone to lay down some new ground rules. It wouldn’t bother me that much though. They aren’t that young.

If you think he could be accused of something then you need to protect the girl and separate them. But if he thinks everything's good then he will just stop coming home.

You're trying to have a rational conversation with someone who has been drinking at stupid o'clock in the morning. You're not going to get anywhere. Just draw a line under it, move on and talk about it when you're both sober.

I don't understand why anyone would bring a randomer home when they live with their parents - however, my youngest sibling did just that and they're now their long term partner!

This!

OP, given your explanation as to why you're worried, I'd have told him that and let her sleep in your bed and you take the sofa.

I know loads of people are going to jump on me for that but it sounds like it would protect your son.

100% this

What @KitsyWitsy said!
Blimey when I was 18, I was travelling in Australia (from London) so my parents had no idea where I was. Great parents whom I'm spending Christmas with, along with my adult children.
She's 18, been out, needs somewhere to sleep. Just let them sleep in his room. I shared the same bed with many friends, male and female, when I was young and drunk and nothing bad ever happened......we just......slept.
If my son, also 18, brought someone back after a night out, I wouldn't even know until the next morning when they come down for a cuppa!
I hope they had a good night and have a good sleep.
I'd also make sure she got home ok today.

Never happened in my day or yours must be a recent thing. Yes that's definitely it .

I’d put my foot down, utterly disrespectful. It’s not his house, it’s yours and you have the right to say what goes. The sense of entitlement is staggering.

It sounds like there are several things going on for you, which confuses a clear message. For me, these are most important:

Yes, we offer hospitality to someone who is stranded, but that is a couch, a guest room, even a floor. We do not tuck them up in our own bed.

If someone is vulnerable and without options it is not an appropriate time to start a relationship and/or have sex with them.

It's not angst over nothing, but maybe it was different because I had daughters. I didn't mind established boyfriends for the night but not randoms or casuals I didn't know myself. I don't feel comfortable or safe having grown men I don't know ghosting around my house in the night while I'm sleeping. It's a courtesy to check with other house mates if it suits to have someone stay.

As for paying rent, how many 18 year olds are actually covering their costs? I know mine only ever paid a token.

My adult children are welcome to stay at home, but I will not be uncomfortable in my own home. If they want to do things differently, they can get their own place.

Everyone has different views on these types of things. I think personally, he's 18 and they're both of legal age. It's certainly not uncommon for a man of his age to be sexually active. I would be proud that your son has done the gentlemanly thing and given the young girl warmth and safety. As long as he is educated in safe sex, I know it's horrible to even think of your child doing these types of things. I'd be happy that he is at least safe at home indoors. I didn't feel comfortable enough bringing sexual partners back to my mum and dad's, and due to this, I put myself in some very dangerous situations on reflection. Good luck, I hope you're son has a sensible head on his shoulders.