Page 3 | Son has come home with a girl

sonotprepared · 2022-12-24T03:55:12+00:00

He's 18, and knows this girl. Has just brought her home saying she's locked out. Tells me she was upset earlier (with good reason). She seems to be staying here tonight and I'm uncomfortable about it. He's been at a club, so a bit tipsy. Asked if he's sleeping on the couch if she's staying and he says no. Obviously intends on sharing his bed with her. WWYD? This is new to me!

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 24/12/2022 06:42

They're adults so I'd leave them to it. I would often crash at male and female friends' houses at that age. Sometimes I snuggle up in their bed with them. I would have found it incredibly patronising if one of my friends' mums had insisted we couldn't share a bed in order to protect me or show me respect.

Obviously it's your house though so if you have a moral objection to your son sharing a bed with a girl that's your choice(although obviously means your son will probably move out).

Angliski · 24/12/2022 06:45

He isn’t a child. I’d sit let them crack on and discuss house rules in the morning I guess

InFiveMins · 24/12/2022 06:46

They are both adults for gods sake. Let them get on with it. You have completely overreacted here

KangarooKenny · 24/12/2022 06:47

There’s nothing you can do about that situation now, but I would be saying that no one night stands can stay in your home, it’s long term girlfriend only.

RenegadeMasterx · 24/12/2022 06:48

I wouldn't be particularly happy with it but they're 18, legal, they might genuinely be mates I had male mates at 18 I'd 100% shared a bed with and nothing would've happened.

Then again it could all be a big set up and they shag each others brains out all night, who knows but at least they're under your roof safe I guess.

tocas · 24/12/2022 06:59

Ffs he is an adult, we've all enjoyed a tipsy Christmas roll around. Poor girl is probably mortified you're banging on his door!!

Westernesse · 24/12/2022 07:00

Mind your own business and go to bed.

Outtasteamandluck · 24/12/2022 07:05

Ugh. If nothing else I wouldn't want to listen to them shagging.

He sleeps on couch.

Why aren't her parents home?

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/12/2022 07:05

I’d be reading him the riot act today. No way is he paying his way if he gave you something yesterday. Yes to her staying if she’s vulnerable. No to random hook ups.

lifeinthehills · 24/12/2022 07:05

Westernesse · 24/12/2022 07:00

Mind your own business and go to bed.

Who is spending the night in her house is her business.

KangarooKenny · 24/12/2022 07:06

Westernesse · 24/12/2022 07:00

Mind your own business and go to bed.

It is her business.

Hillary17 · 24/12/2022 07:13

Gosh at 18 I was forever bringing friends home, completely innocently and was thankfully always trusted. Some of them male and we always shared a bed, no issues and nothing ever happened with any of them. A lot of my friends were boys - we had a very big mixed friendship group - and it was just a done thing.

Zanatdy · 24/12/2022 07:15

I don’t mind my son’s girlfriend staying, she’s coming to stay in January (they are at Uni together) but I wouldn’t be comfortable with some random girl there for the night. I’d have told him he’s on the sofa. Not asked

Tontostitis · 24/12/2022 07:16

pick a better time to have this battle. Early morning hoovering, some light Carol singing and words when he's not drunk and/or showing off.

thailandorbust · 24/12/2022 07:16

Absolutely agree with @alexparr
To add, I'd be glad that my son had been kind, respectful and thoughtful enough to get this young woman to a safe place when she's drunk and locked out.
Those saying 'do her parents not give a shit where she is' she's an adult. At 18 my parents had no clue where I was as I was 1000s if miles away having the time of my life. My son isn't home yet from his night out. No idea where he is. Somewhere in London. Probably back at a mates house as I know one of his friends parents are away so a bunch of them have probably crashed there.
Am I worried, no, as I know he's sensible, has great friends and has a phone to call me or his dad if he needs to. If he turns up with a young woman, I'll just ensure that she's ok. I'd Get her to Text her parents to let them know she's safe, let them sleep where they want and give her breakfast when they surface and then drive her home (or get my exH to). My son hasn't got his licence yet but hopefully will soon.
All those going on about rent and respect........ let these young people live! And no, my adult kids don't pay rent. I didn't either. Means my 24yr old can buy a flat with her boyfriend next year as they've saved a decent deposit I. My son will hopefully do the same.
As I did, and my sister, before 25. And no, I'm not wealthy but I don't believe in charging my kids to live in the house they were born in! Neither do any of my friends. None of my friends or family charge their adult kids to live in their own home.
Be proud that your son got this young woman to a place of warmth and safety. If they do have sex, that's up to them. I'm sure you've brought your son up well enough to understand consent and contraception, I know I have (plus my son told me he'd had lessons at school on both which is obviously great and sadly never happened in my day).
Rather it be in a warm safe place than in the local park!
My daughter once brought a 'random' home - a young girl, they were 16 at the time and at school. I'd never met the girl before but she had fallen out with her mum and didn't want to go home. Thankfully, my children are kind and so my daughter stepped up and brought this friend home. Said girl stayed with us for over a week until she patched things up with her mum. I encouraged her to contact her mum every day, which she did. I spoke to her mum. She went home. All was well. She bought me flowers.

lifeinthehills · 24/12/2022 07:19

I have young people here for the night all the time. But I do draw the line somewhere. It's fine to 'let them live' but I have to live too. At 18, I was married. Up till that point, I didn't treat my parents' home like I could do whatever I wanted without checking with them first.

Lasttangowithcarys · 24/12/2022 07:20

thailandorbust · 24/12/2022 07:16

Absolutely agree with @alexparr
To add, I'd be glad that my son had been kind, respectful and thoughtful enough to get this young woman to a safe place when she's drunk and locked out.
Those saying 'do her parents not give a shit where she is' she's an adult. At 18 my parents had no clue where I was as I was 1000s if miles away having the time of my life. My son isn't home yet from his night out. No idea where he is. Somewhere in London. Probably back at a mates house as I know one of his friends parents are away so a bunch of them have probably crashed there.
Am I worried, no, as I know he's sensible, has great friends and has a phone to call me or his dad if he needs to. If he turns up with a young woman, I'll just ensure that she's ok. I'd Get her to Text her parents to let them know she's safe, let them sleep where they want and give her breakfast when they surface and then drive her home (or get my exH to). My son hasn't got his licence yet but hopefully will soon.
All those going on about rent and respect........ let these young people live! And no, my adult kids don't pay rent. I didn't either. Means my 24yr old can buy a flat with her boyfriend next year as they've saved a decent deposit I. My son will hopefully do the same.
As I did, and my sister, before 25. And no, I'm not wealthy but I don't believe in charging my kids to live in the house they were born in! Neither do any of my friends. None of my friends or family charge their adult kids to live in their own home.
Be proud that your son got this young woman to a place of warmth and safety. If they do have sex, that's up to them. I'm sure you've brought your son up well enough to understand consent and contraception, I know I have (plus my son told me he'd had lessons at school on both which is obviously great and sadly never happened in my day).
Rather it be in a warm safe place than in the local park!
My daughter once brought a 'random' home - a young girl, they were 16 at the time and at school. I'd never met the girl before but she had fallen out with her mum and didn't want to go home. Thankfully, my children are kind and so my daughter stepped up and brought this friend home. Said girl stayed with us for over a week until she patched things up with her mum. I encouraged her to contact her mum every day, which she did. I spoke to her mum. She went home. All was well. She bought me flowers.

This. A million times over 👏

Legrandetraitor · 24/12/2022 07:21

It’s not nice that he’s bought a stranger home, but once you’d ascertained she was there by her own consent and happy to sleep in his bed, harassing him about it achieves nothing but humiliating him. What’s the point of that?

just wait for her to go and explain to him
that a girlfriend is fine to come round but not a one night stand! It could genuinely be that she was locked out and he was being a gentleman. It seems unlikely but even so if you might need to just suspend disbelief this once in case he’s telling the truth and you’re accusing him of lying.

my opinion is also coloured a bit by how much he’s paying. If he’s paying 60£ a month that’s just bills etc but if it’s 400£ a month he should be able to have more say

CocoLux · 24/12/2022 07:21

KitsyWitsy · 24/12/2022 05:34

God almighty just leave them to it. Load of angst over nothing.

This. They're 18 not 14. What exactly is the issue?

Legallypinkish · 24/12/2022 07:22

stillvicarinatutu · 24/12/2022 05:46

When did 18 year olds need parental consent to have a girlfriend?

where does anyone say they need parental consent to have a girlfriend? It is however disrespectful to bring a random stranger home to your parents house.

ClaireVictorias · 24/12/2022 07:23

If it were me I would check the girl was ok and happy, give him some condoms and leave them to it until the morning.
Then have a chat when sober about house rules and what you expect. If he doesn’t respect that he can move out! He is an adult and I did the same or worse when younger!

FourTeaFallOut · 24/12/2022 07:25

If it were just a random girl - I would be relaxed about it. But, random girl - locked out of her home with nowhere to go being picked up and manoeuvreed 8nto sleeping in bed with a random guy, absolutely I'd be banging on the door to tell him to get out.

And if this was just his sob story so he could get it on with a random, next time he needs to pick one which sounds less bloody rapey.

Mylittlesandwich · 24/12/2022 07:25

Personally I'd rather he was home, safe, than goodness knows where. If this is your line (like it was my mums) your son will sneak around. I put myself in unsafe situations because I wasn't allowed to bring boys home.

EasterIssland · 24/12/2022 07:27

FourTeaFallOut · 24/12/2022 07:25

If it were just a random girl - I would be relaxed about it. But, random girl - locked out of her home with nowhere to go being picked up and manoeuvreed 8nto sleeping in bed with a random guy, absolutely I'd be banging on the door to tell him to get out.

And if this was just his sob story so he could get it on with a random, next time he needs to pick one which sounds less bloody rapey.

From op
He's 18, and knows this girl.

she’s not a random girl and he’s not random boy. They know each other

Climbles · 24/12/2022 07:27

These young people have had years of experiences taken from them. Let them live a little.
However, when you asked him to sleep on the sofa he should have respected your wishes no matter if they are reasonable or not. You need to talk about house rules.