To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

So in your wisdom you acted Illegally teaching your teen to have no respect for the law. Poisoned her body increased her chances of cancer - this is medical fact can ref medical paper if needed. And put a child in a vulnerable position.

If I was the MIL I would report you as a risk to SS. Christ what chance have teens if parents are at this at 14. Head wobble and be very grateful she wasn't knocked down or worse

You keep saying there was an 18 year old to supervise.

I have a 14 year old in year 10 and an 18 year old at uni. I don't think it would be fair for any of my 14 year old's friends' parents to expect my 18 year old to supervise their drinking at a party in my house! I'd be really pissed off. You are totally out of order and presumptuous to put someone else's 18 year old in this position.

Also, your daughter is 14 in year 9 so not long turned 14 and many of her friends will be 13. Take some bloody care of your child and others.

YABU.

Year 9 is too young. I have an 18 year old and although legally an adult he’s often an 18 year old child. Certainly not responsible enough to be in charge of a 14 year olds party with alcohol involved.

Can you hear yourself? An 18 year old is an adult but in the vast majority of cases, especially a house party when there no parents about, is hardly a responsible adult. These sorts of parties can get out of hand so quickly. You come across as though her social standing is more important than her safety. You have no idea who else was there. The 18 yr old in charge, could be off in her parents bedroom with someone meanwhile one of her adult friends is coming onto your drunk 14 yr old. You don’t need a drink to have a good time, it helps because you lose your inhibitions, which with a 14 year old at a party full of teenagers with raging hormones and a lack of proper supervision, what could possibly go wrong? But it’s ok because she’s got a cool mum who did far worse when she was a teenager.

I think its too young but thats your call not MIL

We let out dc take drink to parties from about 14, they were sensible and have turned out responsible adults themselves. But then we never abuse alcohol ourselves, only really have a drink with food so led by example

I think normalising alcohol at such a young age is dangerous. It doesn't promote sensible drinking, quite the opposite in my experience.

I disagree, any grandmother has the right to be extremely concerned and proactive about their grandchildren's welfare

I certainly wouldn’t do this with my 14yr old. My 18yr old has only recently started drinking and I hope my DD is the same. I was drinking at 13 and grew Uk with a bad relationship with alcohol. I don’t want my kids repeating that

Your MIL is right. 14 is too young to be coming home drunk…If she was over 16, I’d be more accepting. You don’t need alcohol to have a good time btw…especially at 14!

The 18 year old, do they go clubbing whilst living independently? I suspect they do but they’re an adult who presumably had a drink at this house party too so in the event of the party being gate crashed or someone looking to take advantage of a drunk 14 yr old they wouldn’t be much use. You did place her in abject risk and by enforcing the mindset that having a drink equals having a good time increases the risk yet you fail to see it.

I don’t think there’s much else to be said that people haven’t already covered, but 14 is too young. Leaving an 18 year old responsible, knowing there’s children getting drunk is also incredible selfish. What if something went wrong? Importantly just because you were doing something as a child doesn’t mean your children need to be raised the same way. My parents played the “cool” act when I was a teenager and let me do all sorts so I’d think they were fun. It just left me feeling like they didn’t care about my safety (because unsurprisingly a load of drunk 14-15 isn’t the safest environment). I still tested boundaries and hid things. My attitude to drinking by the time I got to university wasn’t what you’ve described - I was irresponsible, binge drinking to hide my depression, drunk sex with strangers etc.

Please safeguard your children.

I wouldn’t do this no. It’s one thing to let her have a drink when she’s in your care and it’s another to supply her alcohol to take to a friends. I would be quite pissed off if I was the friends parent 2bh.

YABU

I wouldn't let my 14 go to a house party with no parent at home. The 18yo dies t count as a responsible adult here IMO - I have a 19yo DS and his GF is 18. I would not want them overseeing my house and a load of pissed 14yo's. Part of the reason I wouldn't let my 14yo go to an unsupervised party is because other teens would bring alcohol, and even the most sensible 14yo can make the silliest choices at the best of times, let alone at a party, let alone at a party with alcohol and possibly other substances. (Please don't think that because your DD didn't take drugs with them to the party no one else did)

All of my DC aged 14 were able to have fun without alcohol, as was I.

There have been some interesting stories of "high jinks"at teen parties near me recently. The common factor was that the parents weren't home, DC were usually very sensible and academically high achieving, and alcohol was involved.

Too young. DS is 14 and there is no way I would be encouraging him to have a drink. Plenty of time to be doing that when she's a bit older.

….the parents are away… + party + underage drinking = recipe for disaster.
And as for your thinking that alcohol is needed in order to enjoy yourself 🙄
All I can say is thank goodness the majority on this thread think you’re very wrong, it’s feckless and irresponsible parenting.

My mum always did this for me. I soon learnt that I couldn’t handle my drink when I puked all over my own feet when 14 at a train station whilst having shots of Smirnoff 😆
If she wants to drink she will regardless of who buys it! Just make sure you encourage her to have a big dinner before she goes out and drink lots of water! Obviously talk to her about keeping safe. I found that being allowed to do more meant I respected my mum more and she knew where I was as I didn’t need to lie!

You're teaching her that to socialise she needs booze. And it's illegal.
Set sensible boundaries for your young people and keep the lines of communication open. Revise/renegotiate as they mature.

The other girl's parents are mad to do this. An 18 year old can't be left in loco parentis, lucky their house is still standing. Did they know about this get-together? Also your daughter is too young to be drinking, I know we probably did experiment at the same age, but you've broken the law supplying her with booze and if she got really sick or had a fall or something, or did something to damage this girl's property, you would be held responsible.

Sadly in a lot of British peoples eyes yes. I used to think the same, until I quit drinking. I’m certainly not joyless or uptight either. I grew up with too much alcohol and I certainly am not going to encourage my own teens to repeat that behaviour. Thankfully my eldest doesn’t drink at all (also not joyless or uptight) and my 18yr old only started drinking when he went to Uni (august baby so couldn’t drink in pubs before then) and my 14yr old is not interested thankfully. I can’t imagine sending her off to a party with alcohol. Anything can happen to drunk young girls, trust me I know. Putting my own DD in that position? No, just no no no

What awful parenting, of course 14 is too young to drink, and especially so away from the home. How irresponsible.

Would you buy her a bag of weed or coke ? If not , please don’t buy her substances like alcohol. There is no need for an adult to push alcohol onto a child . She will no doubt experiment when she’s older but that is not your job , to encourage it.

Not appropriate, encouraging drunkenness in a 14 year old.
What do the parents of the other kids think ? I would be absolutely furious

I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time

This says a lot about your own personal attitude towards alcohol- I'd watch that. Feeling that life is meaningless, joyless or cant be enjoyed without alcohol is really quite problematic. Would you say the same thing about cigarettes?- Oh i bought her a pack of Marlboro- dont want her to be one of those uptight people who cant enjoy themselves! Smoking is just as damaging as alcohol is long term.

I don’t think 14 is quite old enough yet tbh.

But it’s also absolutely none of your MILs business to interfere.

Who does she think she is? In no uncertain terms, tell her to stay out of it.