DS14 says he can't wait to live abroad

[Blackberrysparkle]

AIBU? Yes I probably am.

My DS14 said today that he wanted to move away from the UK asap - ie as soon as he has finished university.

His reasons? The general state of the country, weather, tax, finances, politics. I told him that I would support any decision he made but inwardly I felt so sad that he was thinking of moving away - selfishly I would miss him so much! He is a very focussed type of person and is very certain that he wants to do this.

If he really wants to, I would obviously support him.

But i just wanted to find out - did anyone else have a teenager who thought this as a teenager but then as time went on decided to stay in the UK?

Can you really blame him ? It's the pits here

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing though. He may move abroad for a few years and then move back. I moved to Asia for 12 years and just moved back. Where I lived had its advantages but taxes and politics rarely go in the same direction so if he wants low taxes he’s probably not going to be living in a. Democratic utopia.

He may not even go. Just ignore him,

I suppose so, but what about family? I guess I am too attached.

He's only 14 op. At that age I said lots of things to see how my parents reacted. I don't think you need to worry yet.

Not exactly what you’re asking but I spent 25 years living overseas, came back 3 years before Brexit - big mistake! I’d be encouraging him to go, I’m trying to persuade my son - the atmosphere in the UK is horrible.

Good for him! Great to know that he has an adventurous spirit.

You can’t be too attached to your son OP. I wouldn’t worry, he’ll grow out of it. When I was 14 I wanted to live in a pagan commune. Ended up a City lawyer 🤣

I didn't want to move to another country necessarily but as a teenager I was desperate to move out and move to further away. I went through the processes of moving to Durham, then London, etc. I'm 35 now and live 6 miles away from where I grew up

Well the country isn’t exactly a utopia at the moment. He might end up going or he might not, it’s impossible to say as your wants and priorities change so much over your teenage years. Regardless, he might end up travelling even if he doesn’t fully ‘move’ which can only be a good thing for broadening his horizons and getting life experience under his belt.

I don’t blame him, this country is a shithole, give him the confidence to go for his dreams and get a better life, don’t be that parent who holds him back.

How dare he have his own aspirations in life?! I think you should have a word with him OP.

Oh my DS is only 12 and says this all the time. He’s hopping mad about Brexit curtailing his options for living and working in Europe and making his future career plans around which careers make it easiest for him to emigrate. Obviously he’s only 12 so it’s a long time away and a lot can change but at the end of the day I just want him to be happy and if visiting new places and exploring new cultures is what he wants to do then much as I’ll miss him I’m only too happy for him to do it.

My 12 yo wants to move from Aus to Ireland for a year when she's 18. Half her family is in Ireland so it's not surprising, but not what I want to hear!

My ds 15 is desperate to move abroad, for exactly the same reasons. I'm already heartbroken and know how you feel.

Maybe we both should be proud we've raised such independent human beings?

My 14 yr old told me the town was boring how could dh and I live here. Now 19 bought a kitten and reluctant to leave home. My siblings and I left home at 16 all of us moved back. Give it time. Relax.

Whilst I’d miss them terribly I think I would never discourage my sons from moving abroad, given how totally awful this country is at the moment (recognise that the grass will always be greener and all countries have their issues).

however I wouldn’t take much notice at 14.

My 14 year old wants to go to China to live he also never wants to get on a plane soo

I wanted to move abroad from when I was 14/15. Studied foreign languages at uni and moved at the end of uni.

Haven't lived in the UK since.

My parents were/are wonderful and supportive. They come to visit regularly and i go back regularly. My DC spend 8-10 weeks a year with their GPs in the UK.

I even persuaded my parents to move abroad for 6 years when DC were born and they declare it to be the best decision they ever made.

I talk to my mum every day, being abroad hasn't changed that.

Me. I did move abroad for a number of years in my 20s though and would happily have emigrated in 2016 if dh had agreed.

Also my sister. Lived abroad for 12 years (various countries) then returned to the UK.

He’s 14. Maybe he will move overseas maybe he won’t. But I wouldn’t worry too much about what a 14 year old says

Abroad is a big place! Plenty of places where life is a real struggle.

I did part of my degree abroad, thinking I would settle there. I didn't, once I understood the reality of it I came back. But don't regret going - was a great experience, I learnt another language. I just found that 6 months was long enough.

I think you should support him if it is what he wants to do.

British people tend to have a deeply weird attitude to leaving the UK, and view it as some kind of kick in the teeth the family and friends for a selfish desire for better weather or healthcare. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do, and, as a pp said, not some kind of all or nothing thing — I’ve moved back to my home country after spending most of the past 25 years in various other countries. I loved it.

Thank you all for your perspectives and reflections.

It's reassuring to hear from those of you who also had itchy feet as teens but then decided to stay!

I know it is selfish of me to even be mentioning this! I am so proud of raising a son who has an independent, adventurous spirit. But right at this moment I feel very sad at the thought of him living abroad. But he will never know this and I would always be supportive of whatever decision he wanted to make.