DS14 says he can't wait to live abroad

[Blackberrysparkle]

AIBU? Yes I probably am.

My DS14 said today that he wanted to move away from the UK asap - ie as soon as he has finished university.

His reasons? The general state of the country, weather, tax, finances, politics. I told him that I would support any decision he made but inwardly I felt so sad that he was thinking of moving away - selfishly I would miss him so much! He is a very focussed type of person and is very certain that he wants to do this.

If he really wants to, I would obviously support him.

But i just wanted to find out - did anyone else have a teenager who thought this as a teenager but then as time went on decided to stay in the UK?

Someone must be putting these thoughts into his head. Young people hardly ever feel this way. I also blame the internet and social media. If your son spends time on Instagram/Facebook and sees young influencers having a good time in Dubai or Florida, a natural envy will arise.

Well, as you can see from this thread alone, it’s common for young people to feel this way.

We fully expect our youngest to work overseas when his finishes his course because of the industry he will be going into. Will miss him dreadfully but will also be very excited for/proud of him.

But young people often dream of spreading their wings! I always knew I would live outside my home country, even though my parents had never left it — I first went abroad just after leaving school to work as an au pair. My son, who is ten, and has already lived in two countries, often thinks about living overseas. My fifteen year old godson is planning to go to university in Germany. My nineteen year old nephew has been learning Japanese for years and is going to spend next year teaching English in Japan. It’s pretty normal.

I don’t think influencers are the prime motivation, though. Florida or Dubai aren’t going to be top of most people’s lists of where to live if they could have their choice.

You are right, it is absolutely normal for young people to dream about far-off exotic places, travelling abroad and having foreign adventures. I was the same…”I’m going to live in Ameriiikka!”
But OP’s son is 14 years old and is worried about finance, tax and politics in this country? Wtf! That’s not normal for a 14 year old. That’s not dreaming about adventures abroad, it’s someone putting these silly ideas in his head that the UK is a dumpster where everybody is suffering great pains. How would he have experiences about paying taxes, working conditions and such at merely 14? He is still catered for by his parents and I bet he has a cushioned life. It’s ridiculous..

But they learn about this at school. Only recently there was a thread with a primary school teacher on, explaining that they do lessons on salary, breaking it down, removing tax and NI, council tax, utilities, etc, showing how little can be left at the end, and that what sounds like a huge income of 20k actually isn’t.

Sums up my life 😭

My sister moved to Spain and it was great, popped over for weekends all the time for little mini breaks. She came back after 6 years though. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be

Young people definitely do feel this way. I couldn’t wait to leave my home town and dreamed of travel and starting afresh in a new country when I was a teenager (partly wanderlust and partly the awkward teen experiencing making me feel misunderstood in my home town 😂) And I did as soon as I could - to another uk city then to another continent where I stayed for more than a decade. Now i live twenty minutes from my parents and the town I grew up but DP and I are mulling over moving to Europe. Living abroad has made me who I am, the most amazing confidence-building experiences you can have!

what i would say is be so careful how you respond to your DS about this. My parents would not accept or support my itchy feet, they refused to let me consider universities more than 2 hours away, I was constantly guilt tripped throughout my time living abroad. It basically pushed me further away and did not do good things for our relationship, to say the least. I came back more for my friends than my family.

But OP’s son is 14 years old and is worried about finance, tax and politics in this country? Wtf! That’s not normal for a 14 year old.

Some kids are just interested in politics, I boycotted my first company at 14 (Nestle, stopped buying kit kats - still dont) then chose politics for one of my a levels.

Also maybe his parents talk to him about things, even my year 2 has a vague idea of what taxes are "you give a bit of your salary to the government so they can pay for the schools and hospitals and new roads" and finances "parents get paid every month but they have to spend it on rent and the supermarket and savings for emergencies and then what's left over is for little toys from the supermarket or getting icecream from the cafe"

Cut the apron strings and let him fly. Tell him to start planning for his gap year now; get a PT job to start saving for it; acquire some global-saleable skills (cleaning, farm livestock, nannying, teaching English, cooking, waiting tables.)

I had itchy feet at that age, so did DH and so did our kids. We've all travelled the world, worked in other countries... very enjoyable but none of them appealed for permanent living. We're all in UK now.

I wanted to do this, went to a distant uni (in the UK), met my now DH who is the biggest homebody ever and won't leave his home town never mind his home county . . .

But OP’s son is 14 years old and is worried about finance, tax and politics in this country? Wtf!

Aren't most intelligent 14 yr olds interested in politics? Climate change? Global conflicts, race? The economy?

When I was that age we were interested in the cold war, nuclear threat, race, Vietnam, civil rights in USA, womens rights and our futures, folk singers sang about protests and rebellion.

You know, if you really dig deep, you’ll find a fault in every country and its political system, level of corruption, its laws, education system, healthcare etc…
So based on that almost everybody anywhere in the world would up sticks and leave for the grass that’s greener on the other side. I am sick and tired of people berating the UK, that it’s so shit and must be left behind for something better. No it won’t be better, just different. Put the kid in Albania or Venezuela and he will be crying and begging within a week to live in shitty UK.

My DS went abroad (for work) for nearly five years but eventually came home again. I think it is a very natural thing to want to do and it is good for them to spend some time in a different culture before settling down.

How bizarre. At 14 I would certainly expect an intelligent child to be starting to think about the shape of their life, including where they might live. And I'm in my 50s and knew I wanted to live abroad at least for a while when I was that age. No influencer influence involved!

I did but I never felt that I belonged anywhere, & I got so home sick that I returned. For me my home was in my heart as my family where there, now they’re gone it’s in my head. I’d like to move, but I’ve travelled a lot in my time & found that much of the world has sadly become the same.

👋👋👋 hope they'll be super happy in their new non shit hole countries.

I would be surprised if ds didn’t work abroad

I have worked and lived in a few countries and so has his dad (not together)

the world is becoming a smaller place with more opportunities (I know this isn’t equal) it’s a great experience

My Dd always wanted to live abroad, mainly Europe, she even thought about uni in Holland. She au paired there, met the love of her life and is planning on moving next year. I’m so happy for her. The world is a lot smaller than when my parents emigrated 60 years ago, knowing they might not see their families again, waiting on letters, no phone calls.
But he’s 14, things change. Enjoy the now.

DS is very interested in politics and economics (wants to study them for A Level), and has just joined the Labour party! So for him, it seems to be genuinely a concern about opportunities and life in the UK, rather than being influenced by social media (as far as I know, anyway). As some of you have said, the reality of life abroad may not be what he currently thinks it would be - he can certainly be rather idealistic at times!

I personally like living in the UK - although I know it's not perfect by any means. I did a lot of backpacking and studied abroad when I was in my twenties and loved the experience. However, seeing how hard life was in some countries did make me appreciate what we have in the UK. I would be very supportive of DS travelling or living abroad for a while as I think it would be such a great experience for him - I guess it was just the thought of him living abroad for good that I was finding difficult!

But as so many of you have said, his mindset may change with time. Or it may not, and I would be supportive of him either way.

It's very interesting to hear all your experiences - it seems that some people who had the desire to live abroad as a teen ended up doing so and loving it, and for others the desire passed.

My partner's son spends a lot of time saying he hates where we live and he can't wait to move out to somewhere like Manchester or Liverpool. I'm quite looking forward to him graduating and realising that it's not as easy as choosing where you want to live - you have to get a job and be able to afford somewhere to live!

DS is very interested in politics and economics (wants to study them for A Level), and has just joined the Labour party! So for him, it seems to be genuinely a concern about opportunities and life in the UK, rather than being influenced by social media (as far as I know, anyway). As some of you have said, the reality of life abroad may not be what he currently thinks it would be - he can certainly be rather idealistic at times!

But what’s his explanation for thinking Dubai is more politically ideal than the UK? Has he explained why Dubai is an option for him?

If he thinks the Labour Party will improve the quality of life and opportunities in the UK he obviously hasn't studied much politics yet. Unfortunately we have no political party in the UK that prioritises making life better for people living here.

After a life in the UK I am actually thinking of moving elsewhere in the next few years - despite extreme pressure on cost of living for many many people the government (and by extension the whole of parliament and Civil Service) seems to devote a massively disproportionate amount of time to all sorts of socially progressive nonsense.

Trouble is where do you go that would be any better - most politicians these days dont even seem to care about womens rights