DS14 says he can't wait to live abroad

[Blackberrysparkle]

AIBU? Yes I probably am.

My DS14 said today that he wanted to move away from the UK asap - ie as soon as he has finished university.

His reasons? The general state of the country, weather, tax, finances, politics. I told him that I would support any decision he made but inwardly I felt so sad that he was thinking of moving away - selfishly I would miss him so much! He is a very focussed type of person and is very certain that he wants to do this.

If he really wants to, I would obviously support him.

But i just wanted to find out - did anyone else have a teenager who thought this as a teenager but then as time went on decided to stay in the UK?

Honestly just ignore it. Who knows what will happen. He’s a kid, these aren’t concrete plans.

Presumably countries where the government hasn't spent the last twelve years deliberately breaking everything! Our government is actively seeking to make the UK less free and less democratic, although hopefully they are running out of time.

A European passport would be a great thing to have.

Of course you are not too attached! Of course its a hard thing to hear! Lets hope he gets a good job with regular travel, and sees a bit of the world, then settles down not to far away! We all want our adult children to have a happy and exciting life, and we all want them to be close by too!

Such as Dubai, apparently.

Good for him! I left the country as soon as I could, worked abroad for a few years, lived in a different part of the UK to where I grew eventually returned to my home town and now live 1/2 a mile from my mother.

I have other family members who had no intention of moving abroad as teens,but met their spouses at university, who were here studying from abroad and now have made their home in their spouses home country. Who knows how your life will pan out when you're 14?

You could be like my grandparents OP and follow their child half way round the world and spend your retirement years in a different country near your DS.

My DD knew she’d have to go abroad due to lack of opportunities in the U.K. for jobs. She went very far away to a non-English-speaking country. Job needed visa. Then moved to another country for another job. Politics, money, weather, taxes didn’t cross her mind, though.

DD wanted to move to Sweden when she was about that age, I remember us buying her phrase and guide books for Christmas or her birthday but she is nearly 20 and seems happy to stay in the UK now.

My DD (now 18) used to say this a lot. That she's want to move abroad, far away (Australia, USA, Canada). Used to really upset me. She also told me a lot that when she went to uni she'd never call me and wouldn't come home (her teenage years were difficult).

She went to uni in Sept, called me nearly every day saying she missed me, came home twice in term time and is now home for Christmas saying she doesn't want to go back at all because she can't cope with being away from home.

So take it in stride, is my advice. Things change and it's normal for teenagers to fantasise about when they can make all the decisions in their lives. The reality of it can hit hard in different ways.

He’s 14 😳 he’ll probably change his mind a thousand times between now and when he’s actually able to make it a reality. 😆

Exactly my thoughts 😀

My DS told me he was going to live in the US when he was 15. He's now gone through Uni and is still living at home deciding what his "proper" job looks like.

I was obsessed with moving to the states. I think I just wanted that seventies suburban lifestyle on American TV shows. Walk in wardrobes, huge cars, fridges with ice, packed lunches in bags etc etc

I actually chose a degree in American studies due to the year of study in the states. All funded in those days.

Loved it but it cured me of wanting to emigrate. Happy in the uK

I was that teenager ! I knew from a young age I wanted to travel and live elsewhere ! I have two sons now and if they want to go abroad I would be happy for them it's so easy to keep in touch now and it's really changes you as a person in such a positive way to have these kind of life experiences

My Dc will have an option but they love London and see opportunities here so who knows.

The career the eldest is going for will likely bring travel, middle dc thinks being well off in London would be a good gig and youngest we’ll see.

If people are always negative though it’s more likely dc will just go

I wanted to move abroad from an early age, and I did. My parents' disapproval really drove a wedge between us.

Oh dear 😄

Fair play to him, I'd be joining him at the first available opportunity. Sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

I think a lot of teens like the idea of living abroad, at least for a while. I guess it's why gap years are often popular and degrees with a year abroad included.

Let's face it most people often think the grass is greener elsewhere. It often isn't, but sometimes it can be.

He may or may not do it. He may just go for a little while.

DD's always fancied it for a little while, though not long term.

Infact she already has a 3 month programme abroad set up for this summer, after she finishes university. She'll be living and working in the US for the summer and can't wait.

She's going to be applying for full time jobs soonish and hasn't ruled out applying to some international schools abroad for 1-2 years whilst she does her qualifying years. We've just asked that she considers ease of getting between here and there when she is doing so, as for now we are helping to fund anything extra she does.

He has his head screwed on. Good on him.

I understand this.

We try our best to raise our children to be strong, independent young people.
But when they become it - it's really quite hard as a parent to have them fly the nest.

Fwiw, although dd loves her independence to travel, explore new things, etc she also loves her time with us too. So we end up with the best of both.

My DH was determined it was going to be Canada as a teen, but he settled for Europe. His parents chose to live in the arse end of nowhere which sucked as a teen, so he'd have had to go to London if he'd stayed, and then Europe isn't that much further.

Thank you for your amusement. It's nice to know that you think my experience is so hilarious, you have to make a point of illustrating this through the medium of an emoji.

I think you are right to see this as confirmation that you have brought up a young person with self belief, a sense of adventure and a desire to fully live their life.
This is exactly what I keep telling myself as I’ve supported DS on uni applications which will involve a year abroad- in a place which would be expensive and difficult to visit during that year.
On a more serious note, you get 18 years to help them become an adult, only 13 or so of those are they really under your control. At the end of that you hand them back to themselves with your love and blessings. You make sure that they know you will always be available for them to come back- physically or emotionally- and then you must let them go.
Deep breaths, head up and enjoy the next few years. The teen years have been an incredible, amazing time for us. Don’t spend them worrying about what may happen, that way madness lies.

DD1 headed back to France as soon as she graduated (she has residency there). But to be fair, despite her passport and place of birth, she has barely lived in U.K. Three years of primary school, sixth form and uni, and the rest of the time in Europe.

Teenagers say a lot of things to try and raise a response from parents. It’s good that your DS has an adventurous spirit. Standing still is for trees!
I left the UK 10 years ago and at the present moment I can’t see myself wanting to move back. 2 of my DD’s study in the UK and return home in the holidays but there is a possibility they will live their permanently after University. We live still live in Europe a flight away so not the other side of the world. BIL does live on the other side of the world! He has been there 5 years and keen to stay out there!

Presumably you mean it would be a good idea to be a citizen of an EU country.

Anyway , there are plenty of problems in other countries too.