Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS14 says he can't wait to live abroad

143 replies

Blackberrysparkle · 23/12/2022 22:51

AIBU? Yes I probably am.

My DS14 said today that he wanted to move away from the UK asap - ie as soon as he has finished university.

His reasons? The general state of the country, weather, tax, finances, politics. I told him that I would support any decision he made but inwardly I felt so sad that he was thinking of moving away - selfishly I would miss him so much! He is a very focussed type of person and is very certain that he wants to do this.

If he really wants to, I would obviously support him.

But i just wanted to find out - did anyone else have a teenager who thought this as a teenager but then as time went on decided to stay in the UK?

OP posts:
SushiGo · 23/12/2022 23:11

My 13 year old wants to move abroad too!

It's a good thing, it's those first stages of really understanding (some of) politics and economics and looking critically at whether the place you live is actually good or not.

As they get towards the next bit, when they get an actual say (theoretically or otherwise) and can vote they're quite likely to change their kind

Or they might go have their adventure.

I confess I would miss her terribly if she did move abroad as well. Gotta tamp it down though.

Mariposista · 23/12/2022 23:12

I was the same as him OP. My uncle and aunt lived in Switzerland and I loved the holidays we spent with them, practicing my French, seeing the culture and nice weather.
Fast forward almost 20 years. It wasn’t a phase or teenage fantasy. I studied modern languages, did a master’s in Spain and still live there with a very successful career. And I still love seeing my family - i help with that (they’re often more reliable than trains 😉). Family come and see me too and love the holidays. Your relationship with your son won’t necessarily fail if he moves abroad. It could be the best thing he does.

NewToWoo · 23/12/2022 23:13

Can't blame him but I understand how you feel. DS1 finishes uni this year and is planning to do post grad abroad for six years! Not in Europe, either. The thought of him nbeing gone so long is painful to me, But it's his life.

Original poster
Blackberrysparkle · 23/12/2022 23:14

@SushiGo Yes, my DS is very interested in politics and economics and very disillusioned with the current state of affairs in the UK

OP posts:
Saltywalruss · 23/12/2022 23:15

Which country does he think is better?

cestlavielife · 23/12/2022 23:15

Go too.

Original poster
Blackberrysparkle · 23/12/2022 23:17

@Saltywalruss various counties in Europe (mainly weather/ politics advantages) or Dubai (weather/tax advantages)

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 23/12/2022 23:22

It’s 7 years away - the world will change, he’ll change. When I was 14, I had strong opinions which I knew were right. When I was 18, I had some different opinions which were also right. By 21, I’d been exposed to enough people from different cultures and with different opinions to understand that it’s not always quite so clear-cut.

Having a dream to live in Europe, or Asia, or Africa, or wherever, is great. Wanting to leave the U.K. because you think it’s shit, is just adolescence.

Legallypinkish · 23/12/2022 23:26

my son is the same and I will be encouraging him when the time comes. He’s 16 and would like to go asap but knows he needs to do his A levels and possibly uni.

i was exactly the same and spent my twenties working abroad. I did come back for holidays and ended up meeting my now husband and staying here. I miss it all the time though and I’m early 50’s now.

ouch321 · 23/12/2022 23:26

This is so funny.

He's 14.

He's just regurgitating what he hears from those around him, I'm guessing you in particular.

LBFseBrom · 23/12/2022 23:27

I felt like that at your son's age, and younger, for different reasons but I still thought and talked about it. However I didn't go to live abroad, am and have always been content here.

The problems the UK has are universal at different times, except the weather is better in some places most of the time; that alone would be quite a shallow reason for leaving imo. If your son emigrated he would still encounter problems. The grass always appears greener, etc.

Don't fret about it now, in ten years he may well feel a lot differently, especially if he finds a really good, satisfying job.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2022 23:29

The alternative is that he gets to fifty and posts on a forum something like;

I always wanted to travel, to live overseas, see different things and live life to the full.

It didn't work out at that. Never made it to university because my parent and then partner sabotaged every attempt, then I was in a string of zero security, low paid jobs, couldn't even afford a passport until I was 39 and that expired after spending just two nights abroad. Could never make enough money to pay rent and save up for a deposit, never mind get a mortgage, so I'm renting somewhere two miles from where I spent my childhood. Concrete, police sirens, rats and every patch of sky is being blocked by new flats. Not that I could see the stars anyway, as the street lights make it too bright.

I still dream of seeing the stars from somewhere else like they are on TV. But I'm used to the idea that I'm never going to make it now.

I don't think that you would want him to be in a position to say that his dreams never happened. So grit your teeth and support everything he does so he can watch the stars from wherever in the world he travels to.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2022 23:31

I don't blame any young person for wanting to leave the UK. I'd do it myself if it were a feasible option.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 23/12/2022 23:35

He is 14. He'll say a lot of things and a lot will change between now and finishing uni (if he goes)...
Don't overthink .

CaspianPlover · 23/12/2022 23:38

Just tell him that its fantastic he wants to live overseas and you look forwards to spending huge amounts of time with him there 😂

Mumoffairy · 23/12/2022 23:40

I always said i never wanna stay in the country i grew up in. It was too boring for me.
Moved to asia when i was 19 and stayed there for a few years, came back for 2 years and then moved to australia with dh for a few years. Had DS 1 there, but when pregnant with DD i decided to move back “home”. Im a family person and travelled back and forth 2-3x a year. I didnt want to be so far away with 2 kids.
And it turned out my home country is actually pretty great compared to other places 😄
Its easy to say things are better abroad when you only know the holiday way of it. Once you actually settle, theres downsides everywhere.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 23/12/2022 23:42

He is a kid. They have frequent mind changes at that age. Mine was going to move to Australia. He's now 28, married and lives 40 mins away.

socialmedia23 · 23/12/2022 23:43

My DH- was born here but never felt British. He considers himself European despite having a British father. he did do a masters degree in Europe and we did live there for a year before moving back. We own a flat here and planning to buy a bigger flat and have a baby, DH is 32 so probably pretty settled here. DH is the only one of his siblings who have left home that has stayed, the other two have left the UK.

Though DH did talk yesterday about maybe moving to new York some day if better job opportunities present itself... But I think we would probably stay here..

PeekAtYou · 23/12/2022 23:45

My teen has a living abroad fantasy too.

I spent my childhood in several countries and ds was born in the EU so maybe it's genetic ?

Is it a place where it's hard to emigrate ? Is your son likely to have an in demand job that makes emigrating easier ?

pinkhousesarebest · 23/12/2022 23:47

I knew from I was 16 that I wouldn’t stay in my home country. It’s not without its sacrifices- there is no way I have the same family ties as I would have had had I stayed. The first thing my dcs did when they finished school was to return to the country that Ieft a quarter of a century before. Full circle.

SpangoDweller · 23/12/2022 23:49

cadburyegg · 23/12/2022 22:57

I didn't want to move to another country necessarily but as a teenager I was desperate to move out and move to further away. I went through the processes of moving to Durham, then London, etc. I'm 35 now and live 6 miles away from where I grew up Grin

Same here! Grew up in a small town which I hated. Dreamed of moving to London. Did it, then rediscovered the benefits of small town living when I was mid 30s. Teenagers tend to hate the fact that they have no money and can’t drive…

Honper · 23/12/2022 23:50

Well who knows what he's going to end up doing? He's 14, so it's all still open.

But. Young people do tend to move from countries in decline, just because they can more easily than others. And the UK is definitely in decline. Shit healthcare, terrible amenities and low wages. There's not a lot to recommend it. Doesn't mean everyone will leave. But it makes sense to do so if you are young and ambitious and want to have a nice life.

You can always go and visit him. It'll be nice to get out of this shithole.

Allsnotwell · 23/12/2022 23:51

When they go to Uni they are say in short bursts and it’s lovely when they come home! A sort of weaning process!!

You have plenty of years left with him being at home - they need to fly!

whynotwhatknot · 23/12/2022 23:52

none knows whats going to happen the next few years things could change or he could get a great job offer here

i wouldnt worry about ot too much right now

RupertBearsScarf · 23/12/2022 23:58

One of mine had decided to live and work abroad long before 14, even down to the specific city. I'm really happy to say that they achieved their dream. They are back in the UK now but will probably be off again at some point.