Cocaine

[oystercatcher5]

We have come away for Christmas with our children and our parents.

Last night we had a meal in and sat around chatting and drinking.

Half way through the night DH went upstairs and did a line of coke.

I’m pissed off.

He thinks he’s done nothing wrong.

AIBU?

Pretty sad if he can't get through a family dinner without doing a line.
Will he admit he has a problem and is he willing to seek help?

The main reason I'm so against recreational drugs is they landed me in hospital for the first time with bipolar in my 20s. It's also fairly clear to me the effect even pot has on people's personalities and lives. Cocaine, I never even wanted to try. I tried other drugs and they were enough.

It was pot that led to my hospital admission as it sent me high as a kite. Other people, if someone's a regular user often their life is quite limited.

I haven’t seen many posts saying it’s cool or fine. Most have said that it’s a drug which does exceptional harm and that he has a problem.

Not sure why you’re so horrified op as you are aware your husband does drugs so it’s likely he likes it, needs it, wants it.
I’d be having serious words as that would be a reason to end the marriage for me. If he doesn’t take you seriously and get help if needed you have to ask yourself if he’s the person you want to be with.

Here's one of the would be cool MNers.

The difference with alcohol is that alcohol is legally available to over 18s. When you buy a bottle of wine, you can be sure of various significant things:

• what's in it
• producer complied with relevant health and environmental laws
• producer and everyone involved in getting it to you and selling it is covered by employment law and their employees are (hopefully) getting a living wage, holidays etc, just like any other employee
• tax is being paid at every single stage and that's going into the public finances to pay for health care and policing, amongst other things

Everybody knows what alcohol does to the body. Yes, some people choose to drink too much. Yes, that causes health problems and leads to accidents, violence and other bad outcomes. Most people, though, manage to drink socially without ending up as alcoholics.

Illegal drugs contribute nothing to society at all. There's an argument to be had about whether they should be illegal, whether each drug is more or less harmful than alcohol, and so on. But that's a separate issue. For the moment, they are illegal and therefore anybody buying them is supporting organised crime and all that goes with that. That's inexcusable to me.

Coke is often heavily cut with wormers - ( which have a pearlescent look ) .
Who wants to buy that?!
Coke users think they are so edgy, but the sound if them yapping away is tiresome.
It’s Also a waste of money and terrible fir lives in the production chain.
Blood diamonds have nothing on coke.

I’ve known of otherwise young and healthy people who have a stroke due to cocaine use; if they survive they can end up disabled for life. It doesn’t happen that often, but it can. This is one of the risks.

I wouldn’t be that surprised at something like this if he already does drugs occasionally. I’d be more upset at the drug use as a whole.

If I did drugs at all it would be at family gatherings. Not a serious comment really but you know what I mean. Better to stick to alcohol just imo.

Absolutely this. And I'm sorry, but no one gets as far as marriage and kids without knowing their other half does an occasional line of coke, so I don't believe this can be such a huge surprise. Personally, it's not a world I wish to be involved with and I've ditched a few guys I dated when younger the second I knew this was a thing for them.

As long as he smokes a joint to come down again, no problem.

My thoughts exactly. On that point, LTB

@NooNooHead1981 I really sorry you had to endure that as an in - utero baby.
I had just a single dose of pethidine while giving birth and my son was absolutely zonked by it, so much so he was too sleepy to feed properly.

Babies born physically addicted really suffer withdrawals, it’s hard enough for an adult to cope, let alone a tiny baby .

Many babies in Afghanistan are born addicted- their mothers say they wail inconsolably.

Ketamine and bladder dysfunction is also not uncommon.
Catheters in young people..

With heroin, it tends to be emotional pain that hooks users in.

I’m not a “cool mumsnetter” but at the same time I’m not completely averse to occasional drug use. I dabbled with most drugs in my youth, but can count on one hand the number of times I’ve indulged since I had kids (nearly 20 years ago).

I would be extremely concerned at this behaviour. If he can’t get through a family dinner without wanting some then he’s definitely got a problem. I expect he uses it a lot more than he admits to you.

Is this new behaviour? I know friends who do it all occasionally. They don't think it's a big deal.

Drug use is abhorrent u- irrespective of the damage you do to yourself (thats your choice)

it’s production damages so many people inc children
its production damages the environment
it’s transportation damages so many people inc children
dealing damages so many people inc children
it has links to other organised crime
the user damages other peoples lives inc through causing families to split up, drug driving etc
im order to get that packet in your pocket someone is likely to have died or at least had their lives irreparably damaged
it wastes time and resources of the nhs
it wastes time and resources of the police

If I ever found my DH taking drugs that would be the end of it there and then and I would fight to ensure he was never alone with DS.

leave him, he had zero moral compass.

The harm will have been done already in the gang violence and human trafficking involved bedore he got hold of it .

I very occasionally have coke. I generally turn it down as after the first hit all I think about is the next one. It also make me and everyone else very dull and self important. DH would be beyond livid if I ever took it around the kids or our parents. It is so deeply inappropriate.

For all those talking about the human cost of cocaine, I hope you don't wear any fast fashion, or use any beauty products with mica in them, or drink coffee that isn't fully ethically sourced. Do you know where all the components in your smart phone come from? Or is that child exploitation a bit more out of sight out of mind?

The only way to even try to combat these issues would be to set up a legal, ethical drugs trade, by the way.

But none of this helps the OP - it is really normal in certain circles, and I get why you've turned a blind eye. And yes, he'd still have access to the kids if you left and he wanted it. And I imagine you've got enough money that you're comfortable even despite his drug use and probably wouldn't be on your own.

This does all point to addiction though, which might be your line in the sand. Or you might want to talk about it when you are sober and alone and see if you can work out a way forwards.

I'm not sure Mumsnet is the best place for advice, because for a lot of people even doing a line of coke socially is really really shocking.

But you have to figure out what you can live with and what is your best way forward.

You know that the line between legal and illegal is just a piece of paper that someone like Matt Hancock has signed? It's not a law of physics or the like

If i had to spend xmas with my parents and my in-laws then i'd be hitting it hard too.

Joking aside, of course it's not ok. There are young kids in the house who might find his stash and the drugs trade is founded on and perpetuates misery.

However you must have known he is a user before now. No one does it for the first time in circs you have described, so what is going on?

Arguments against cocaine: you don’t actually know what, besides cocaine, is in it or how strong it is; it promotes extremes of twattish behaviour in people who are already massive twats; the illegal drug trade causes untold human misery. Arguments for cocaine: none, as any possible benefits are massively outweighed by the harms caused.

Anyone who thinks casual cocaine use is no big deal, and can ignore the terrible effects the illegal drug trade is frankly despicable.

I can see that many PPs have already said this, but it can't be repeated often enough.

Violence, poverty and exploitation. That's what your recreational line of coke is inflicting on thousands of innocent people. Enjoy!

The police really won’t give a shit! What do you expect them to do? Come over and demand to see the (long gone) evidence.

If It were me I’d be having a talk to DH and asking not to do it again.

For all those talking about the human cost of cocaine, I hope you don't wear any fast fashion, or use any beauty products with mica in them, or drink coffee that isn't fully ethically sourced. Do you know where all the components in your smart phone come from? Or is that child exploitation a bit more out of sight out of mind?

And?
I doubt that anyone leads a life that is completely free of some kind of exploitation unless they are completely self sufficient and are subsistence farmers.

That sanctimonious argument is not a valid reason to indulge in cocaine or any other illegal drug, and is completely irrelevant here.

Not everything is our problem, you know.

I bet you don't dwell too hard when you buy stuff made overseas. You think it's all lovely working conditions do you? But when its something you don't like, you make up some reasons to lose your shit over it