Cocaine

[oystercatcher5]

We have come away for Christmas with our children and our parents.

Last night we had a meal in and sat around chatting and drinking.

Half way through the night DH went upstairs and did a line of coke.

I’m pissed off.

He thinks he’s done nothing wrong.

AIBU?

Why are you wasting your life with this imbecile? And yes, all those 'It's perfectly normal, you're being sooo uptight' people on here are also imbeciles, no matter how much money they make in their very important and repsonsible jobs or how scintillating they think their conversation is after they've stuck it up their nose.

I don’t think she expected him needing to do drugs on a wholesome family night.

He has a problem.

So he's risking his life and leaving his DC without a father for a line....

Absolute deal breaker for me. And the fact that he's doing it with not only his DC but his parents around would indicate that's he's already in deep.

You've got a serious problem here, OP. Would an ambulance get to you quickly if he OD's while you're there?

You both have a problem. You enable him by turning blind eye, he has addiction as he can't stay away from drugs during family time. In your shoes I would ask him to move out immediately and not come back until he had treatments or just not come back full stop

It’s ok as long as you recycle and drive an electric or hybrid car.

What, he didn't offer it round? How rude

Of course on MN world drugs are very much a LTB and report him to the police deal.
I wouldn’t be too fussed about him having a little on an occasional night out with mates if he could control his actions/not go overboard. And didn’t have to drive, work, or especially look after the kids the next day. although really he should be over that stage in his life now and you and his kids should be more important.
Needing a line on a family night with the kids around, that’s a huge red flag and he needs some help if he feels that’s acceptable.

I could not put up with a partner being into recreational drugs.

Hmm. The circumstances he's taking it and the fact he denies there's an issue says problem to me. I asked my partner not to take cocaine in similar situations and he chose coke instead of me. Ended it with me instantly. It wasn't the first conversation of that ilk we had had, but the first where I had made my views so clear. His friends partners were more complicit and their partners continuing taking it while they turn a blind eye. I'm really unhappy our relationship is over, shocked he chose drugs but long term know I couldn't be with him. That's just to give you a possible outcome. It might not be what you want to hear. I think it's where your boundaries are, what your support network is like and if you can be with a drug user - some people can.

People think that a line of coke or a bit of weed socially is fine. The main issue is where your drugs have come from and what you are funding by buying them. A child has almost always been groomed and exploited to get them to you. The money you then pay is always funding other large scale organised criminal activity. So yes, it is a problem.

Or drinking alcohol, for that matter, like everyone was doing in this situation.

Everyone should read this. As the daughter of an alcoholic, I’m so sorry to hear your story @NooNooHead1981

I mean, if you normally turn a blind eye to his coke habit when he's drinking, then you know he does it when he's drinking. YABU to think location matters to an addict.

Yes

And the way a kid is groomed and exploited is totally sickening and they will be affected for life

Still ... people just don't care enough

@Maximinimalist I don’t disagree and I have mentioned that he might get arrested if he keeps this up, like others I suspect he’s doing a massive amount of coke if he can’t go through a night away with family without using. My perspective though is that he’s an adult, we all do things which have effects on the rest of the world (driving, taking long haul flights, buying plastic shit off Amazon manufactured in developing countries) and whilst I agree that the human cost of coke is massive there are many many people who, rightly or wrongly, do the odd line now and then on a night out (90% of the current cabinet for example I’d be willing to bet). However very few people (only the seriously addicted) will be doing coke on a family dinner away at Christmas and I think this is what the OP needs to focus on in the short term. And OP I don’t agree that you’ve contributed by ignoring the recreational coke you’ve enabled this so far- that’s like saying someone who gets pissed now and then with their friends condones or enabled them having vodka on their cornflakes at 9AM.

It really doesn’t, no court is going to prevent access because a parent took drugs once.

Children aren’t removed from their parents when they are full-blown crack addicts, some MC dad doing a line with a glass of wine won’t be a concern if it isn’t in front of the children or causing him to neglect them.

Before MC people stick the stuff up their noses and think they are so cool they should spare a thought for the pain, blood, torture, rape, people trafficking, forced prostitution, muggings, burglaries and the whole trail of blood and shattered multi generational lives caused by the drugs trade not just here but going all the way back to where the stuff is produced. Every "toot" has a trail of gangsterism, hideous crimes and blood embedded in it that users have helped propagate by buying the stuff.

I see all the "cool" mumsnetters have come here to say that cocaine is fine. It isn't, for a number of reasons that hve already been outlined on this thread.

I would be looking for his stash and disposing it. I would also be concerned that he can't get through a family get together without it.

It isn't like the above. It's a class A drug that carries consequences- police forces have long targeted dealers rather than users but that is beginning to change.
A few things to consider -
this is a red flag, he's using regularly.
regular use is expensive
it will have an effect on his behaviour if he's using a lot. Come downs, paranoia etc
he could be arrested for possession.
poor clean up job -kids could find it

I've lived through the effects of cocaine addiction in a close relative and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

In my experience, I'd say that he's an addict, not merely a recreational cocaine user. I've certainly known a few people who might occasionally do a line of coke on a big night out (not my thing at all but it's none of my business) but none of them would have ever a) carried it with them all the time, b) done it with kids in the house or c) done a line at a family meal.

My sister 'turned a blind eye' to her ex's 'recreational' cocaine use when he was on big nights out with his mates, but it became less easy to turn a blind eye when he started doing lines at family barbecues and she started finding coke in the pocket of his work uniform. And even less easy when it transpired he'd run up massive debts to pay for his habit.

He's gaslighting you if he's saying it's normal to pop upstairs in the middle of drinks with parents and in-laws to snort coke. It's not. He's addicted.

Rightly or wrongly I turn a blind eye to this.

So this is the status quo. Either have a conversation with him about his drug use or start accepting that your H has a drug problem and has no qualms about taking it whenever he feels like it.

That is awful. Doing cocaine is dodgy anyway; but doing it not at your own home, but when staying with relatives, at a family event with children around, is particularly wrong and stupid.

He obviously has a problem, it’s one thing to do it on a night out with your mates but it’s quite another to do it at a family meal.
I say this as someone who would not tolerate any drug taking from my DH.

It would probably be a deal breaker for me.

Journalist bait?

It makes little sense as anything else - the comment is so casual when it should be anything but. If a person can be so casual about this then they wouldn't be posting because it wouldn't cross their mind it's an issue.