Cocaine

[oystercatcher5]

We have come away for Christmas with our children and our parents.

Last night we had a meal in and sat around chatting and drinking.

Half way through the night DH went upstairs and did a line of coke.

I’m pissed off.

He thinks he’s done nothing wrong.

AIBU?

What a catch

This.

It's a bit much to be sneaking off at a family meal to do a line! Not really the right environment is it?

I'd be more concerned that he has an addiction problem, if he can't limit it to nights out with his mates. It's a slippery slope.

He is addicted and he can't control himself anymore (maybe in the past he did). I would say is time to get a proper conversation on getting help.

I don't have kids but i wouldn't trust my partner with them if i did. He also clearly did it behind your back...hoping to go unnoticed (if that's even possible).

I can only compare with alcohol which both me and my partner drink. If we go on a dinner for example...one of us might say do you mind driving so i can have 2 or 3 glasses of wine. That's it. Next time we take turns. Or we stay at home and share a bottle. If he told you he needed to have some cocaine (whatever the reasons he has) at least you could be more alert/in charge of the kids.

Protect yourself and your kids. That's the most important.

Up to you if you turn a blind eye in certain situations but the fact he thinks it’s fine to do it when his kids are around, and assumes you’re content to be the default parent while he’s under the influence, would be the dealbreaker for me. His judgment is appalling and Id be unable to forgive.

You turn a blind eye to his usual recreational coke use and now you're pissed off that he did it on this particular occasion? The time to be pissed off was the first time he did it.

I cannot believe anyone is stupid enough to think that turning a blind eye to drug use with friends won't eventually bleed into family life.

I don't know why ..... loads of people think that.

Unfortunately it's not true in many cases.

Hardly equivalent and wholly unhelpful response.

I’d make him sit down and watch the documentary Gordon Ramsey did about cocaine about ten years back.

Yep, he’s an addict. Buckle up for a wild ride OP.

It appears you have a relationship decision to make. I honestly don't think you can pick and choose which lines of coke you want to turn a blind eye to. And this is exactly why. He probably thought you'd turn a blind eye to this one too. Every occasion should have been equally unacceptable if you have children.

Not cool, at all.
he’s using way more than you think would be my take on it.
is he so bored by family that he needs to be doing drugs???

Check bank accounts asap.
How can he afford to do this regularly as the cost of living is now high and rising.
Perhaps your joint income can cope with this at present but the future looks bleak.
Having a drug user in your family home with little ones is irresponsible and could be a safeguarding issue.

Childrens needs must always come first and having a drug user living in the same home is not prioritising childrens care. Using coke is a no go at all levels.

As a wife you’re not being respected either.

Yes I think there is a MASSIVE difference between occasionally doing coke on a night out with friends with other people who are also doing it and doing coke alone on a family holiday. I know plenty of people who do the former, no one who does the latter. Honestly I think he has a problem and needs help before he either gets arrested or does it at work and gets sacked etc.

Oh if only it was that simple

Around children???? Sorry but that's scruff behaviour.

Yet we sit by and look down our noses when we hear about yet another stabbing or turf war on streets all over the UK.

Nice middle class people think this problem on our streets have nothing to do with them. Your husband is no better than those killing each other on the streets for the sake of supplying drugs.

Being middle class doesn't stop you being a total scummer. Unfortunately OP your drug abusing husband is proof.

Not in my social circle. In fact the only person I know who did use it was an obnoxious twat in general.

And yes, I can be sure that people aren't just using it where I'm not seeing it because we work in places that have random drug & alcohol screening.

A lot of people DO use it yes....and a lot of people get caught and lives are ruined

Who would choose that path?

And those who do the former are better than those who do the latter? How?

The police criminalises those on the streets but not those nice people doing the former or latter. This tells you all
you need to know about how messed up the system is. Those nice people are fuelling the problems on the street. They are part of the root cause. Just demonising those on the streets will not solve the problem. Those driving the demand should be equally demonised.

This is not a victimless crime.

Forget telling the police as last I knew doing drugs at a Christmas family getaway wasn’t a crime. If you really want him to get in trouble tell his parents!

Take your pick - deforestation, criminal gangs, county lines...

Then there's this guy:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2022/12/22/murderer-damien-bendall-left-free-kill-probation-blunders/

And no, I'm not a fan of the way in which many people consume alcohol either. I enjoy a quiet drink, but at work I have to deal with the people who don't know when to stop.

I’m guessing that he uses it fairly frequently on a recreational basis?

If he was using it out of the blue I assume you would be more shocked and unhappy.

I am not a fan of cocaine which seems to be a fast track to moodiness and irritability and I can’t for the life of me see why anyone would do it in a family setting like this but we need more of the back story.

Uggh. What was the actual point of coke at a family dinner? Sorry OP I think this isn’t ‘just’ occasional drug use, it’s habitual/dependent use. Serious words/ultimatum time.