Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To let 12 yo ds take 6yo dd to the local shops

138 replies

Whatafustercluck · 23/12/2022 07:57

Last night 12yo ds asked if he could take his 6yo sister to the shops today - company for him because he wants to buy me and dh a little present for Christmas. He's a mature amd sensible boy. He's allowed out on his own, we've left him home alone for a couple of hours (max) occasionally and he regularly catches the bus home from school (a 20 min journey). The shops are a Tesco Extra precinct, about a 5 minute walk away. They have to cross one road on the way, which isn't massively busy, and there us a crossing they will use. He has a phone to contact us on. 6yo is also pretty mature and aware of dangers, not a risk taker. They can argue and get a bit silly together as siblings do, but generally when I've had to leave ds in charge for 5 mins while I'm on a work call for example he helps her out if she needs it, baths her to help out sometimes and is fiercely protective of her. I have no doubts about his maturity and ability. But I worry that if, for example, anything bad were to happen, he would blame himself. This is something he really wants to do, and is very sweet (he's confident, but having her there gives him more confidence, same for her) but genuinely don't know if iabu for considering it.

OP posts:

PuttingDownRoots · 23/12/2022 07:59

I would walk them there and wait outside/in the cafe if there is one. Mainly for the road.

Purplelion · 23/12/2022 08:00

I would, and I’m thinking of my DD when she was 12, She would have been absolutely fine with a younger sibling. She’s now 16 so it’s different but she walks her 5 year old sister 20 minutes to the park regularly and looks after her for the day whilst I work

Whoopsies · 23/12/2022 08:01

I would walk with them, but then leave them on my own in the shop while I browse elsewhere. Your son sounds lovely.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 23/12/2022 08:02

I wouldn’t have a 12 yo in charge of a 6yo - but that’s me.

i mentioned at work the other day about my dc being a great age because I can pop to the shop and leave them home alone for a bit so I have more flexibility. Colleague (who has a 4yo) was horrified at my lazy parenting. My dc are 11-14 and all at secondary school with their own phones. I didn’t mention they go to the park together round the corner without me. I started allowing that in year 6 but mostly the 14 yo chooses to go too (unlike the teens I read about on here, she likes hanging out with her sisters).

tiggergoesbounce · 23/12/2022 08:03

No, i wouldn't.
I dont think siblings should be responsible for eachother.

Newuser82 · 23/12/2022 08:04

I wouldn't have an issue with the 12 year old going but I think it's too much responsibility to let the six year old go too. I'd feel happy with that at say 14 and 8 but everyone is different and you know your kids best.

Chubby81 · 23/12/2022 08:04

I would let my just 13 yr old do this with the 4 yr old… would have done the same 6 months ago too. I find mumsnet posters are often very conservative in what responsibilities they allow kids but you know your kids and what it’s safe to allow. He’ll phone you if there’s a problem.

feathermucker · 23/12/2022 08:06

I'd allow this, you know them best.

GelPens1 · 23/12/2022 08:06

I often looked after my 3 yo brother when I was 12. I was very responsible. I don’t think my parents would’ve wanted me crossing busy roads with him though.

londonrach · 23/12/2022 08:06

I would. I allowed DD now aged 6 go with my sister s two aged 13 and 11 to nearby park (no roads though). All very sensible children . Your know your child.

Pickle1512 · 23/12/2022 08:07

I wouldn’t have done this worth my middle and youngest but i would and did with my eldest and middle. Eldest super sensible at 12, middle compliant as a 6 yr old. The middle and youngest at 12 and 6 would have been a terrible combo with no common sense and wild disobedience. You know your kids!

toffeeapple77 · 23/12/2022 08:08

No way. Nothing to do with kids being sensible - there are dangers that kids of that age can't deal with

StephanieSuperpowers · 23/12/2022 08:09

I think it sounds fine and the fact that he wants to do it means that you're not giving him an unwanted responsibility for your convenience. I think they should be able to cope well and they can call or come straight home if there's an issue.

I'd allow this. Children need challenges and responsibilities to mature. I'd be pacing the hall the whole time, but I'd allow it.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 23/12/2022 08:09

A mature 12 year old with a even tempered, predictable 6 year old sounds fine to me.

A dippy 12 year old with a 6 year old with an unpredictable temper is a no.

If they're good kids then reward that with extra responsibility and trust I'd probably want to go wait in a cafe nearby for their first time doing it though.

Y7drama · 23/12/2022 08:11

PuttingDownRoots · 23/12/2022 07:59

I would walk them there and wait outside/in the cafe if there is one. Mainly for the road.

I would do this so it’s less pressure on the 12 year old. Lovely thought by your 12 year old though.

Ohyoudodoyou · 23/12/2022 08:13

That sounds completely fine and fun for them both, what a nice boy you have.
I used to take my younger brother into the city centre on the buses, onto the ferries and around the shops when I was 12.
I so think it's tougher for kids now but 5 mins away to Tesco sounds a good start.

NumberTheory · 23/12/2022 08:16

If he’s never been outside with her alone before I would probably walk them to the road and watch them cross it then wait for them to return, letting him lead the expedition.

It’s the road that would concern me, even if it’s not that busy.

But if you think they’re capable, I don’t think you’d be wrong to let them.

nancydroo · 23/12/2022 08:17

I have the same age children and same distance from shops. both quite sensible but no I wouldn't allow it. Even though quite aware just things like a car reversing out of its drive or strangers talking to them.

Original poster

Whatafustercluck · 23/12/2022 08:17

Not sure if it changes things but the crossing they would use is one with traffic lights, not just a zebra crossing.

OP posts:

Mommabear20 · 23/12/2022 08:20

Personally don't like the idea of elder siblings looking after younger ones, as like you said, he'd blame himself if anything happened.

But he sounds very kind and I'd want to encourage that and their close relationship. Could you walk them there and wait outside?

AnyRandomName · 23/12/2022 08:22

Both sound sensible and it seems like a safe / simple journey so I would allow it.

But I'm on the more liberal and trusting side of things so I appreciate many will disagree.

What matters is what you think, you know them best

Pismascrescents · 23/12/2022 08:25

No. Regardless of how mature He is, she might not be. What if she runs into the road? Anytime they are out and you aren’t there you run a risk. Better safe than sorry.

14 and 8 yes. 12 and six no

Hedonism · 23/12/2022 08:28

I would let them, in the situation that you have described.

MilkyYay · 23/12/2022 08:28

I'd possibly consider this. I'd allow my just turned 13 niece to do this with my sensible 6 year old.

CornishTiger · 23/12/2022 08:30

I’d drop them there and wait in car with them knowing not to rush, take your time, I trust you. I’m only here if you need me- call me.

Build it up so next year you can give them more freedoms.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6