To let 12 yo ds take 6yo dd to the local shops

[Whatafustercluck]

Last night 12yo ds asked if he could take his 6yo sister to the shops today - company for him because he wants to buy me and dh a little present for Christmas. He's a mature amd sensible boy. He's allowed out on his own, we've left him home alone for a couple of hours (max) occasionally and he regularly catches the bus home from school (a 20 min journey). The shops are a Tesco Extra precinct, about a 5 minute walk away. They have to cross one road on the way, which isn't massively busy, and there us a crossing they will use. He has a phone to contact us on. 6yo is also pretty mature and aware of dangers, not a risk taker. They can argue and get a bit silly together as siblings do, but generally when I've had to leave ds in charge for 5 mins while I'm on a work call for example he helps her out if she needs it, baths her to help out sometimes and is fiercely protective of her. I have no doubts about his maturity and ability. But I worry that if, for example, anything bad were to happen, he would blame himself. This is something he really wants to do, and is very sweet (he's confident, but having her there gives him more confidence, same for her) but genuinely don't know if iabu for considering it.

Totally normal and OK for a 12-year-old to take a younger sibling to the local shops. My brother definitely used to walk me round to the shops when I was little, and the age gap between us is the same as between your son and daughter.

I’d be fine with that, both myself and DH have Covid and my 12 year old took 6 year old to the park yesterday a 5 minute walk from our house. They then came back home, got some money and walked down the road to to the corner shop to get some sweets. They were desperate for some fresh air and promised to be sensible. We kept getting photos from the eldest. Both are very sensible and we could have sprinted over in an emergency in a few minutes.

I have sons that age. No way. I wouldn’t burden my eldest with that.

The comparisons are similar actually! And what precisely has changed in the world to make it more dangerous now? More traffic ok but there is a proper crossing with traffic lights. So as safe as it can be.
Part of a parents role is to create independent functioning adults. Fostering independence young is absolutely crucial for doing that. Allowing them to make small journeys and trips out together absolutely does this.

Perhaps you should do something about your own anxieties!

Not for me. Always remember the terrible guilt felt by the boys who were looking after Sarah Payne when she was kidnapped and murdered. Yes, I know it's the worst case scenario, but cars are far more of a risk and a six year old is easily distracted

I don't have anxiety I have what is called common sense and the ability to go places with my children . They are smart sensible and wise . But weirdly they achieved this without having to be left unsupervised at 5 or 6 . And also without having to do shopping or take themselves to school . Its so weird how well adjusted they are .
Maybe people are somtimes confusing using the excuse "teaching life skills " with just easier to leave kids unsupervised then find a suitable alternative.

Sensible kids yes. I'd trust my DC with a 6yo.

I had a very anxious mum, but even she let my brother take me to the sweet shop. He'd have been about 9 and I'd be 6. No roads to cross but a busy main road. Tbf that was back in the 80s though.

I wouldn’t. It’s busy at the moment and I don’t agree with putting the responsibility of younger siblings on older ones unless they’re much older. I was babysitting at 11 years old and it was fine but looking back I think my own parents and the parents of the kids I babysat for were wrong to put the weight of that responsibility on me.

There are so many more people around, there’s more traffic around. Less police around.

Will she hold his hand? It's the dashing out on the road / not crossing safely that would worry me rather than anything else.

I haven’t read the thread but I just saw some siblings going to the shops together and thought how lovely it was, so YANBU

I'd allow this.

I was a very confident and mature 12 yo, who wouldn't have had any problems taking a 6yo for a quick trip out.

It's not the getting there that would bother me.
And just a small corner shop would be fine.
A massive supermarket 3 days before Christmas - no

Because that's the culture and everyone does it. It's normal.

It's not that the parents can't do it, it's that it's normal for children to get themselves to and from school without a parent. They even catch trains and buses alone.

It's unusual to us because it's not the norm here, but that doesn't mean it's dangerous or wrong.

After just a brief bit of research I have read that it's not something they all do .
In the 1970s in the likes of Germany and Spain and such they did but since 2000 it has decreased alot. Plus alot of places have adults in designated busy traffic areas and around school areas to help children and supervise . That would never happen in the UK. No-one would pay them .

Thanks everyone for your views. We decided to let them go, but dh dropped them off as he was on his way back from somewhere with them anyway. My sister lives literally opposite Tesco, on the route there/ back so I stopped in to have a cup of tea with her. The children stopped in at hers on the way home and we went the rest of the way home together. We gave them strict instructions before they left about sticking together like glue, not messing around and staying in touch. We also warned ds that it was likely to be very busy. Ds said dd behaved perfectly and my sister watched them on the way and said they were holding hands and walking very sensibly. Ds bought dd some sweets while they were over there and messaged dh regularly to let him know how they were doing/ when to expect them back. All in all a successful trip out together. Very proud of both of them. I know it's not what some others would have done, but we risk assessed and gave instructions to deal with different scenarios. Everything was fine and they enjoyed a bit of freedom/ independence safely together.

I'd definitely have let my girls do it at those ages and I'm pretty sure they did. There's 6 years between them. But they are both v sensible. And when I was 3 apparently my 8 year old brother walked to the shops with me down a busy main road.

Erm why wouldn’t this be ok?

at 12 many children babysit multiple children, it’s a short walk to the shops…

Weird post OP.
Detailed running commentary on everything here to a bunch of strangers.
TMI - go watch The Polar Express or something.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Ignore PP - it sounds lovely OP and your DS sounds very sensible.

Well done both of them!

Thanks @thelobsterquadrille And it's ok, I know that in posting here there's always one (sometimes a few 😂) that feels the need to be rude. And I suppose many have broken for Christmas and have hit the booze already. Time I joined them 🥂

Weird post Quincy. Why be a dick?

I’m not being a dick and I’m not on the booze either. But really, this is every day stuff isn’t it!

Glad you’re happy OP - genuinely.

Clearly not for OP, otherwise she'd not have posted the thread in the first place.

And genuine question,
how can he be messaging him regularly and paying close attention to her? And how is there any reception in this big shop? I’ve never known it in a Superstore… have to go outside to call my son to find out if he wants the green or blue deodorant 😆

What are you? The thread police? OPs minder!

Relax…